Why is it so hard to get a girlfriend?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by ugotthis, Feb 17, 2022.

  1. UnironicallySigma

    UnironicallySigma Fapstronaut

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    It is no secret that testosterone is the primary sex hormone resposnible for sexual drive and males have testosterone in abundance while women have testosterone but to a much lesser degree. That being said it is also basic gender psychology that women are far more selective for mates than men. The basic, fundamental attractors for women are LMS (looks, money, status). If you are struggling to get a girlfriend you are likely deficient in these (like most men). In my opinion you should stop wasting your time pursuing a relationship and work on improving yourself which will widen your dating pool and make it easier to find a good girl who meets your standards.
     
    AlexFightsAlex likes this.
  2. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

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    I didn't say that they have it easy. I said they have it much easier.

    I watched a documentary yesterday, that confirms the same:


    I think there are many different standards when it comes to women and men. When it comes to virginity in women it is praised, but in men, it is shamed. There are different situations of course, for example in religious circumstances, men and women are better off by staying virgins. I have read many threads about men being ditched for being virgins, but I have never read the opposite as men being praised for being virgin.

    You can read here as well( mainly the Evolutionary theory, Biosocial theory parts) the evolutionary reasons why women are being praised for virginity and men are shamed. It showcases proactive behavior and inactivity in genders. But I was wrong about being tested, it just shows their proactivity.

    He is a Stud, She is a person! A Meta-Analysis on the Continued Existence of Sexual Double Standards - Joyce J. Endendijk, Anneloes L. van Baar, Maja Deković, 2020 (sagepub.com)

    Yes, but starting this thread let me learn some new things.
     
  3. TakingTheSteps

    TakingTheSteps Fapstronaut

    Uh...

    That's all literally just from the first page of this thread. But okay.

    Maybe you changed your mind along the way, but you most certainly did say that, many, many times.
     
    Rehab101 likes this.
  4. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

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    These are also my words. I am not a native speaker, as you already may have noticed. Here are many times when I wrote easier. I made mistakes in the beginning. But, I meant that it is much easier.

     
  5. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

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    "So, in a way they fell into women's laps."
    Is not my word, it is a word repetition from a response to a person as far as I remember.
     
  6. Inhoullear

    Inhoullear New Fapstronaut

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    One night I was lying in bed thinking about boys. I wondered what it would be like to have a boyfriend. I wished that I could fall in love with some boy and have him love me back. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I finally fell asleep and dreamed about having a boyfriend. In my dream I was walking down the street and I saw this cute guy. We talked for awhile and I realized that he was my boyfriend. I woke up feeling happy.
     
  7. I am still curious to understand why you equate reproduction with love?

    No, again you go from the assumption that sex=love. Don't you think your soulmate is like your best friend? If a woman thinks she found her soulmate and a guy is seeing the potential for reproduction in her but has otherwise no personal connection to the woman, then why would he start a relationship with someone he won't be personally happy with, which funnily enough is the point of a romantic relationship? Your way of thinking makes no sense.
     
    TakingTheSteps likes this.
  8. ShadyPerson

    ShadyPerson Fapstronaut

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    He's just repeating red pill/pua/incel -talking points that he has consumed as a way to cope with his sexual frustration. The aforementioned communities aren't interested in soul mates and view relationships through pseudo- evolutionary psychological lense, where romance and sexuality = reproduction. That's why all his arguments circle so heavily around reproduction and sex despite him claiming to be seeking a soulmate.
     
  9. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    It would help to know where op is from. Is he from India? Elsewhere?

    Would like to know his cultural background.
     
  10. Maybe. Maybe not. I try not to be too quick to label someone's views as a certain ideology and that is why I asked for clarification. I can understand on some level with today's simping culture that it appears that women easily get way more attention from men than the other way around. But just thinking about it for a bit longer it should be also clear that these men are very desperate, very horny or both, and none of those are a good foundation for a relationship.
     
    ugotthis likes this.
  11. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    Culture definitely has a huge role because it steers one in how people interact with each other. As an immigrant myself to US, I had to adjust myself a bit.
    My advice for most people is to put others need first. Start with something other than me me me. Man got to be a gentleman and put something on the table to attract a mate. I think women are attracted to that. Maybe I am a bit old school...
     
  12. Sorry I don't understand the context of your post. Are you just giving general dating advice for men? I'd argue it's always good to show interest in the person one is trying to date and make it about them, not about yourself. You shouldn't try to attract a "mate" but a life partner if you are looking for a serious relationship. Every woman is different. I think acting like a gentleman/gentlewoman is universally appealing as it shows you are putting an effort to make the other person feel comfortable/special and have a genuine interest in them. But also it should be natural and not just doing it for the sake of impressing them. In my experience the best foundation for a potential relationship partner is having something in common with the person you are wanting to date. You probably wouldn't try to form friendships by talking to random people on the street or in a bar. It's possible I am sure, but a personal context that you have in common, like work, a hobby, school, gives you the best chance and in a way a guarantee that you will be attracted to each other as people rather than looks defining the start of the relationship.
     
    183.204 g/mol and TakingTheSteps like this.
  13. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

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    I do not follow any of those groups.
     
  14. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

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    No, sex doesn't equate to love. I talk about reproduction since it makes sense why it is easier for women and why they bail out so quickly, as soon as they see some deviations in men.
    I live in a dormitory and many women have a boyfriend but a lot of men don't have a girlfriend. This is true in many European countries, as I have lived in many of them. I do not understand how is it possible? and I don't really know what women want? I don't understand why girls change their minds so quickly? it is very weird to me and it makes finding a loved part unbearably difficult for me.
     
  15. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

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    Yes, there is a lot difference between cultures. I live in Germany.
     
  16. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

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    are you mocking?)
     
  17. sh0gun

    sh0gun Fapstronaut

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    That is a brilliant explanation, thanks very much for that
     
  18. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

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    no, I am not denying that the greatest difficulty couldn't be a woman. It could be anyone actually, heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, or any other sexual men or women.
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2022
    WildEntheology likes this.
  19. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    Hm..in Germany hey. Wouldn't there be a lot of people to meet in big cities? Do you have any hobby in social group? I'm sure you can meet a lot of people to mingle there.

    And do you need any dating tips? If so, please share with us what you tried so far with your approach.
     
  20. So are you actually saying you are looking for a "girlfriend" for reproduction instead of love?
     

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