Why is knowledge & willpower not enough ?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by BadAtChoosingNames, Dec 5, 2019.

  1. I know a bunch about the whole porn and addiction overall. I spend so many hours researching, listening to podcasts, talking about it, reflecting porn in my life and what it did and will do to my life, how addictions and porn work, etc.

    But i constantly relapse, i mostly can not even do 1 weeks without pmo. I mean once a week is better than daily or more than once daily.

    But i have no clue how to fight more effictive against this addiction. It looks like knowledge and willpower is not enough...
     
  2. lolos

    lolos Fapstronaut

    Because we are humans, we are flawed. We are not rational beings, we have feelings that can overcome all of our knowledge. Understand this and make it so that you don't have to rely on willpower. As soon as you get an urge at home go for a walk. Get every porn blocker you can find. Do so much shit during the day so that you don't have the energy or time to pmo at the end of the day.
     
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  3. Mithras

    Mithras Fapstronaut

    That's a real war...
    Even with all the knowledge and willpower we still can't trust ourselves in the face of this insidious trap. Temptation has never been solved and will always be there, hidden and ready for the next attack using different strategies we are not even aware of to trick us.

    What's important is to never give up!
     
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  4. NF SINCE BIRTH

    NF SINCE BIRTH Fapstronaut

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    Maybe you need to approach it differently. Willpower is good but it can only help you getting started. Work on your why-power as well. You need strong reasons so you can remind yourself why you are doing this when times get though. Write it down and make sure to read it when you struggle. Also map out all your triggers. Knowledge is good but make sure to practice it. Map out your triggers and plan out how to counter it. Hope this helps.
     
  5. Mr.Chips

    Mr.Chips Fapstronaut

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    I have been in your place for a very long time. Willpower alone is not a solution. Reading rebooting materials alone is not a solution. You need to make a whole integrated system, step by step; start by observing the triggering moments and conditions and set strategies to avoid them. Have a healthy routine and take care of your body. Soon you may ease your guard so to avoid that you have to read constantly rebooting materials, maybe reading from some book will help. Willpower is just a minor factor that makes you reset your counter to start a new streak, but it won't keep you strong the whole journey. Now you may do these things and you still relapse, don't worry, things may not work from the first time, you should be Persistent.

    Persistence, Faith and Vigilance!

    Never give up, Good luck man :)
     
  6. Dexter Moran

    Dexter Moran Fapstronaut

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    Hi pal,
    I read ,in one of Patrick Carnes books, that a porn addiction is 14 times harder to stop than a heroin addiction. I am not a scientist so I don't how this is so. But if true it would certainly explain a lot. It would mean that willpower and knowledge are not strong enough alone. Yet I would contend that they are vital to recovery. They just need to be added to.

    The easy accessibility of porn, not in least one's memory is also a factor. In some quarters an addiction to alcohol or drugs is deemed understandable. Particularly in the entertainment industry or professional sports. Not so sex addiction which is regarded as pathetic.
    Double standards indeed!
     
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  7. The Legend of Hope

    The Legend of Hope Fapstronaut

  8. double09

    double09 Fapstronaut

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    The reason you’re still relapsing is that you still believe that pmo will do no harm to you. You gotta treat yourself as an addict and convince yourself that pmo is a life ruiner. You can’t quit something if you think it’s good.
     
  9. Dexter Moran

    Dexter Moran Fapstronaut

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    Truer words were never written. PMO is demeaning and robs us of our essential life force. It is neither innocent or victimless. We can not flirt with or dabble in it without being damaged.
     
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  10. NF SINCE BIRTH

    NF SINCE BIRTH Fapstronaut

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    The natural way is to use your sexual energy in real life. Meditation, productive stuff, build real relationships with real girls. Your sex drive is a strong force given to you by nature. Evolution have hard wired your brain to reproduce. You are the result of 4 billion years of success on this planet. Life itself created you. If you keep wasting that life energy on PMO then you are throwing away your life.

    You will notice that your motivation to participate in your own life increases the longer you do Nofap.

    "if not you, who? If not now, when?" -Zen Master Rinzai.
     
  11. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    Some thoughts ...
    1. It's not just about knowledge it is about applying that knowledge in ways that work for you
    2. Each relapse is an opportunity to learn another technique. What went wrong? Why? What could you have done differently to prevent the relapse? Try that next time. As bikewrench says, "do the next right thing"
    3. There are 1,000,001 techniques that addicts here have tried successfully, but only an handful of them will work for you. Keep reading, keep experimenting. And, although it makes our task harder, what worked for you last month may not work next.
    4. You mention reflection but you have 26 posts and no journal. Are you being honest with yourself about how much effort you are putting into self-reflection. Defeating this addiction is nearly impossible so we really have to work hard at understanding the hold it took on us.
    5. One thing you do not mention is 'support' and 'challenge'. I have found that the moments when I have needed support I have often found it through people here commenting on my journal. Also sometimes people have disagreed with me and challenged me, though that can be painful or annoying it also really helps.
     
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  12. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    I disagree, knowledge and willpower are enough.
     
  13. Mr.Chips

    Mr.Chips Fapstronaut

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    You are superman
     
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  14. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    Why do you think I am superman?
     
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  15. Finalito

    Finalito Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations!
    If you are only PMO-ing once a week that is amazing! I'm super impressed.

    ...
    Maybe.. just maybe... Would you be able to do it every two weeks?

    Try. Fail. Try again. This is the cycle.of learning.

    Then you might be able to do it just once a month. Think about that. Wouldn't that be amazing? Only 12 PMO-s per year!? Most users here could have achieved this in 3 days, and it will take you a whole year?

    And then, where can we go from there? Once a year? Once a decade? Once for the rest of your life?

    Again, congratulations. PMO-ing only once a week is amazing. It is a huge step forward.

    But, it is just a step. It takes many steps to run a marathon.

    Congratulations. I'm cheering for you :)
     
  16. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    You're missing one component… putting all the knowledge into practice. You can't become Christiano Ronaldo no matter how many books about soccer you have read and how much you want it, if you don't take the ball on the field and start playing. Willpower is enough to get you started, gathering knowledge will improve your recovery process but you need to develop determination, self-discipline and perseverance to break addiction cycle. Set yourself small achievable goals on daily basis and focus your mind on completing them instead of focusing on abstention alone. This way you'll avoid something called ego fatigue which happens if your brain focuses on breaking addiction alone. Abstention is hard work for a brain, because it has to turn on prefrontal cortex to defy mid section of the brain where deep learned behaviors (=addictions) are stored. This causes constant "battle" which is very tiresome and can lead to weakening of your self-control. The good thing is that human brain sucks at multitasking so if you focus your mind on achieving other goals (instead of abstention alone) it kind of tricks your brain in not being able to produce craving anymore because it has to focus on completion of a daily given task. The longer you abstain the easier it gets until cravings subdue even without setting/achieving daily goals. I hope this makes sense. If not you can read dr. Marc Lewis: The Biology of Desire: Why Addiction Is Not a Disease.
     
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  17. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    Very nice.
     
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  18. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    As a few have said there's a difference between knowledge and applied knowledge. I would take it a step further and say you really need a program of applied knowledge, and not just a few factoids that you're kind of aware of.

    That means it has to be systematic.

    Even in traditional recovery where they use the word program, I would argue they mostly treat it as a script. Someone has a sponsor and they tell them what to do, that isn't a program so much as it is just following directions. (the sponsor may have a systematic understanding - or they might just also have a script they are just telling you what to do without much discrimination) If you have a program you understand it. Match it up with a goal and it means how you get there.

    Basic programming: If this, then that. You also have options. Suppose you're working on your diet. Lets suppose you're just too lazy to cook, or say you're on the go a lot and travel. You plan ahead and look at where you can buy your food at what time, and what the menus of each place that are open are or what's available for sale at the grocery store so you are not eating completely random stuff. If you want to start meditating during the day, find a place at work that's relatively quiet. If it's not available have a backup place in the car, or a nearby place instead of work, etc.

    Abstinence is only the first step IMO, the longer you abstain the more you can think about having a real program because you don't have the brain fog so much, and the better the chances are you are actually remembering it and work it to your advantage.

    I'll use the Serenity Prayer from 12 Step as an example. The fact that it's a prayer is not what is relevant here, the content of it involves 3 components: 1. Serenity to accept that which one cannot change, 2. Courage to change the things you can and 3. Wisdom to know the difference. This is a basic form of programming. Courage in this context speaks to the willpower factor. It can be amplified by remembering your 'why power' as NFSB pointed out, (if not familiar see Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal) but the logic of it pivots on the wisdom to know the difference.

    And I would take that basic process further: It changes over time. What you can and cannot change, and have the courage for or not is not static. Realize that something may feel impossible at certain times but when you're feeling better you may be able to address it. Briefly stated it becomes "WHEN this, then that. (is possible/doable)"

    When you have enough applied understanding, which comes from enough applied knowledge you will be able to predict the when to a certain extent.

    With a program you're not just doing one act in isolation here and there, or even a bunch of isolated actions, all the actions builds on and supports each other and is sort of a support network of action throughout the course of your days. Social support whether online or in person should not be the only kind, if that's the view it ignores what one can do for oneself. So the short answer to the question posed originally is because you need all actions to work with each other and be a connected whole. Even when there is continuity like having days that is one dimensional literally in the sense that it's linear (also the logic of "steps") but you open up a second dimension when you have options at each choice point, all of which still involves abstinence but if one option is not available you can do something else.
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2019

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