Why Men Objectify Women

@significantother & @Limeaid I would suggest that just because some men gawk at women who are not trying to be sexual objects doesn't really mean it follows that what you wear does not matter. Some men are gullible pigs no matter what, but they deserve the least consideration, other men are struggling and it matters a lot. A naturally attractive woman who doesn't doll up and flaunt her sexuality is a really powerful and positive statement.

The larger scheme of things is this: a fapping male objectifies women way more (all the time, not just when he's fapping) than a non-fapping male. I am stunned what a difference this makes in my own mindset. Something about the fapping puts my mind in sexual overdrive, despite the fact that it also puts me in a state of sexual exhaustion, I suppose part of it is I am looking for something hot enough to get another high going... but there is more to it than that... fapping by far is the biggest factor in my objectification, it changes who I am and how I look at the world, and I bet it applies in general.

Living, especially growing up, in these hyper objectified / sexualized western societies makes a real difference. I had no other role models, moral guidance, examples growing up other than popular music / movies / TV. I do not even understand how young men can not be addicted to fapping / porn as they grow up, when casual objectified sex is endlessly glorified this way.... it is often accepted as 'normal' that young men fap, I strongly question that. I think they barely have a choice, or at least for most: no one has suggested or hinted to them that there is another, better way to live. The choice they have is becoming aware of their actions and fighting their way out of their addiction. And it seems pretty clear to me that the majority of them don't even reach this point. You can laugh at me all you want (I welcome it) but it took me years and years to finally 'get' that this objectification culture was a huge distraction and a lie, I wish I could write myself a one page letter and send it to myself 10 years ago... just to plant the idea in my head that there was another way to be.... so much wasted time

 

Seriously tho that really depends on a lot of things. It is certainly the way a hostile situation could start. Being 6'4" it is sometimes hard for me to realize that someone taller and acting in a way that indicates they might be capable of aggression (even in jest) can genuinely alarm/scare other people.

 

We are sharing an experience here. We are women having an experience shared by probably most women and we have a right to talk about it in a thread about objectification and you don't get to tell us how we 'should' feel about it.

You are free to complain about looks from women if they are objectifying you in some way. Do they yell at you in the streets? Grab your ass at your place of work? Confront you when you are with your gf even when you've said you aren't interested? I would love to hear more.

I think attractive females carry a lot of power. Some men simply cannot handle it and society has not taught men how to handle it. A simple smile would suffice.

 

Well we can obviously see from this thread what doesn't work, and that is the blame game! Seriously bros we all need to sack up and take responsibility for our own actions! There can be no change without this! We are the change men need to be and when we live this change we can better society and help out the women who are being mistreated every day. We can teach our sons to respect women. We can point at the way women are treated in hip-hop videos and other forms of media and say to them, "if you ever treat a woman like this I will personally kick your ass."

Change starts with us and when we change we will inspire others as well.

 

I think the second video is even more revealing. Men may treat women nicely being a gentleman and open doors for her and bring her flowers. But it ultimately boils down to what they really think of her and what their intentions are. And the culture a set of clothes represent says a lot about the stereotypes associated with that particular 'look' at a given location. Add an over optimistic male into the scene and that's just could be a recipie for objectification and harassment.

 

Not anymore, Danny. You got 107 days behind you! That's 107 days of trying not to objectify women. It takes practice, just like most things.

 

IMO you're a wise person for view it like this since objectifying women is predatory in nature. Yet you have been given a gift to view this in that light since it can help you see it for what it is! Keep up the good fight and don't kick yourself because of past actions.

 

I also would like to add and I am sure Significant Other will agree that MOST men are respectful and do not harass. Since this is a thread about objectification we are of course talking about the small minority of men who are clueless as to how their actions impact others. I think it's important to see if this is a problem for YOU and then work to change it if it is.

As for clothing it is tricky because femininity is all about wearing beautiful clothes and feeling confident in your sexuality but some men make it hard for women to feel comfortable in this way. If wearing a nice flowing summer dress gets your hollered at you can see why some women try and hide their femininity and real femininity is desperately missing in our society. The women who get hollered at and enjoy it are, in my opinion, narcissistic or sociopathic or something!

 

I don't think respectfulness and non-harassement necessarily correlate to non-objectification. In my own personal experience I was perfectly capable of objectifying women and fantasizing about them while going through the motions of respect. Of course I didn't respect them mentally, but I doubt that they would have notice unless I was leering at them which I usually didn't do.

 

So true mumchance but this type of objectifying in your mind is something for you to decide is wrong. It is not necessarily impacting me....or maybe it is indirectly.

 

I agree. I guess it would be tough to know what to do. On the one hand you don't want the defaults in men's sexuality determining how you dress. On the other hand you want to stand up for your dignity and personhood and just be free from all that harassment. I think men will have a hard time understanding true femininity and will sexualize it as long as they are not living into true masculinity.

Thanks Private Johnson. I agree. Today men are socialized into becoming predators.

I know that was in the past and something I did in my youth before I knew better. In fact I stopped fantasizing about women soon after I graduated college, years before I knew about NoFap. Even back then I knew it was wrong.

 

Femininity is highly sexualized which is why some women feel they have to dress the way they do. I always felt that if I wanted to be taken seriously by others I had to dress like a guy (not that it worked!). In my exploration of my own femininity I started to realize how much of myself I rejected by rejecting my femininity. I can't even quite explain how vulnerable you feel when you are being feminine in todays culture and femininity in essence is vulnerability! We live in a culture that is desperately missing feminine sensuality and the feminine sensuality you do see is fake and manipulated to sell things. I have always felt that men turn to porn or strip clubs in part because the females they see in the streets or the women they are in relationships with are devoid of femininity. I have done so much reading in this area and most men are just longing for femininity in their lives but can't seem to find it except through this disturbed sexual world. When displaying that femininity gets you unwanted attention or worse or people stop thinking you are intelligent because of it you can see why we hide it so much. Men and women both need to value femininity more for this to change I think.

I would love to hear some thoughts on this

 

@Limeaid femininity for me does not mean pole dancing, twerking or belly dancing at strip clubs. It does not mean tanning in bikinis at the beach. And neither is it vulnerability. Women are strong beings worthy of much more respect than men. As mothers they nurture, protect and instill values in their children (including young men who in turn will be role-models to their own sons). This was the traditional role and I say that's the natural role. We are living in unnatural 'modern' society controlled by unscientific, immoral and unethical institutions that creates perversity and degrades family values. Women are not sure of their role anymore due to which they are easily manipulated to start defining femininity as narrowly as being sensual creatures out on display and valued for sex.

 

To make it clear : Nothing can justify objectification of women even if they wear provocative clothes.
With that said , this doesn't mean that women don't play a great role in this objectification which , again, doesn't justify it.
But when you are trying to find the causes of something to eliminate , this is not justification.