Why shouldn't I masterbate

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by zx125, Sep 10, 2017.

  1. zx125

    zx125 Fapstronaut

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    Hi,
    I am a love shy man. I have never had sex or been on a date.
    Sometimes I think why shouldn't I masturbate? Its the closest I am going to get to having sex or a relationship with a woman.

    I would like to have a relationship and experience closeness and intimacy with a woman, but since that is not going to happen, why should I deny myself the pleasure of masturbating.
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  2. Quite simply, it's because if you keep on self gratifying yourself through pmo, you will lock yourself to this fate by your own actions.
    If you want intimacy and to go on dates etc. Then work on abstaining from this addiction, that'll help you muster the courage to talk to the opposite gender, and things can lead on from there.
    If you want social intimacy, you need to give up this personal false sense of intimacy that you get from pmo.
     
  3. I'm in a similar situation and I think that longer you keep yourself from pleasuring yourself, the stronger the urge will be to find another person to seek pleasure with. Keep doing what you always did and you'll keep getting what you always got. Hang in there bud!
     
  4. Plutonium

    Plutonium Fapstronaut

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    Do you not think there are plenty of love shy women out there wondering if they'll ever find a man? Or women who would be attracted to a love shy man? There are plenty of each.

    One possible solution for someone in your situation is to take up an activity or hobby that girls also find interesting. The focus will be the activity and meeting girls will just happen naturally around the hobby. Until you build up your confidence the worst thing to try is something that has meeting women as the primary focus - eg bars or nightclubs.

    One of the greatest tips I wish I had known when I was younger was using friends (who are girls) to help find girls for you. It sounds so obvious now. They are highly motivated to help, and obviously understand better than us men what it takes.

    Btw there's nothing wrong with masturbation (in moderation) just don't touch the porn when you do it. Porn is the root cause of many problems as it messes around with the chemicals in your brain, particularly internet porn.

    Good luck.
     
    fitcj and zx125 like this.
  5. well-not-with-that-attitude.jpg

    But seriously, even if I somehow knew I'd never be intimate with a woman again, I'd rather not masturbate. Why?

    • I often get a horrible empty, dead feeling in my groin afterwards.
    • If I start masturbating, I'll end up watching P sooner or later.
    • It makes me much more socially anxious.
    • I get more depressive thoughts.
    • It's a waste of time.
    • I have less energy afterwards.
    • Chaser effect.
    • What if someone knocks on your door while you're doing it? That's awkward.
    • You have to clean up afterwards.
    • The urge to MO passes anyway, and then you're glad you didn't do it.
    • A tip I discovered recently - if you get an urge, or even if you don't - exercise your imagination (obviously without imagining anything triggering) like you did as a kid.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. Hey,
    I'm also a shy guy, I've been on one awkward date. We have to fight these thoughts, don't let them control you. I'm also going through depression so it feels like many battles are going on for me, but I truly hope you can get through this. I don't know if it exists but I wish there was strictly a dating app for shy people or at least some kind of local groups.
     
    zx125 likes this.
  7. DeProfundis

    DeProfundis Fapstronaut

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    Intimacy is only achieved with another, not ourself. Intimacy is not even limited to sexual actions with others alone. The need for intimacy is only met when we form meaningful relationships with others. Have you tried getting to open up to other people?
     
    zx125 likes this.
  8. zx125

    zx125 Fapstronaut

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    But if you are love shy Masturbating is the closest you can get to intimacy.
     
  9. DeProfundis

    DeProfundis Fapstronaut

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    Intimacy is not limited to sex, it is also opening up and sharing emotions with another person. How can we open to another when all we think about is making ourselves feel good? It's not sharing!
     
  10. Chudmeister

    Chudmeister Fapstronaut

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    You have to break out of being shy, confidence is the way to get a woman. If the way your doing it worked, then you wouldn't be here.
     
  11. What if you simultaneously give up thinking about getting women but at the same time go out there and try to make conversation with anyone who looks friendly - man or woman. Just chat platonically with strangers. You could be surprised at what happens, especially if you're doing NoFap
     
    WesternWolf and gingeralan like this.
  12. True that man, true that. I've been surprised how easier it is to talk. It's like my eyes light up more so people are more open minded to say hi to me.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  13. Derek5150

    Derek5150 Fapstronaut

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    Self-pleasure is healthy according to science.

    Over-doing it has more negative consequences than anything positive. Yet, anything that we overdo -- there's a negative consequence to it. Work out too much and you're prone to injury. Eat too much food and we become obese. Everything in moderation is key. In this specific case, we are all members here because we took the act of self-pleasure a little too far.

    The problem is everything that you're saying about yourself, "Sometimes I think why shouldn't I masturbate? It's the closest I am going to get to having sex or a relationship with a woman." These statements are negative and they automatically destroy your confidence. According to Canadian psychologist, Jordan B. Peterson, men should not make statements that make them sound weak. It's great to vent, but making those kinds of statements destroys our inner-confidence in ourselves. We must remain stronger together by making more powerful statements, such as, "I might not have had sex, yet. Someday I will, and it's going to be amazing."

    You must have believe in yourself. We can compare this kind of belief to how some may choose to subscribe to religion. It works if you believe in it, but you must have faith. You must allow yourself to restore your confidence. You will have a relationship with a woman someday. Another problem that poses a threat to our understanding is the culture of this day and age, where every market is over-saturated by sexual stimulus. The majority of social media profiles these days, market more sex than the actual content in which they are attempting to sell or portray. Because of this, i have made the choice to stay away. Another issue is pornography in itself. Women are stimulated by foreplay and conversation. Pornography skips all of this by having cheese plots and lines, designed for the user to skip right into their favorite scenes.

    This doesn't help, either. It's important that we understand what turns a woman on and how to pay attention to them carefully about what turns them on, or, off. So, that we are able as men... to make adequate adjustments to our character to fit the role of the potential lover in woman's life.

    Just my thoughts.
     
  14. Derek5150

    Derek5150 Fapstronaut

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    Another thing that I would like to mention is that we are who we attract. The more we work on ourselves by recognizing our weaknesses by being honest with ourselves, we can only hope for the best from good faith. Opposites do attract, but most importantly we have to find out who are for ourselves before we can commit to the direction of who we eventually want to be. Socrates once said, "You have many habits that weaken you. The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new."
     
  15. Its all up to you. As long as you stay porn free I don't care if you masturbate.
     
  16. I get the same feeling. I feel energy drain after I O. literally feel energy drain from my legs. also I am always spacy. and feel blah
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  17. Physicist

    Physicist Fapstronaut

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    I used to be like you too.
     
  18. HopeFaith

    HopeFaith Fapstronaut

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    Self pleasure is a killer. Modern science is yet to catch up with this notion. When you MO it causes whole range of symptoms such as fleeing like zombie, social anxiety, lack of drive, lethargy, hair loss, loss of sensitivity, impotence, lack of energy, lack of concentration, deep disconection from your soul and heart. You think I am overstating it? Well I am not, but you will only find out once you stop long enough and watch yourself heal and blossom like a flower with all your seemingly non sex related issues clearing. Even your confidence to attract girls will return. Or rather, the girls will be chasing you because they are attracted to man who vibrate high health and vitality. And this is what your body will do once you stop throwing your precious energy away. Don't believe me, check it out for yourself.
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2017
  19. Why do you think masturbating is even remotely related to intimacy. It has to be the most isolating, lonely thing going! :(
     
    HopeFaith likes this.
  20. First of all, good job on your streak! Your mindset isnt necessarily true. Try replacing that thought with something different. Sex drive is a powerful thing. And a relationship always starts with smalltalk, common interests etc. Pick up some hobbies. Masturbation wont solve anything.
     

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