Why we watch a certain kind of porn

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by traillzz, Sep 1, 2019.

  1. traillzz

    traillzz Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, just found an interesting article (I'll link it down below) that got me thinking. I'm currently well beyond 40 days of no PMO and feel at ease now to reflect on what porn actually meant to me. After some research i found out that i specifically watched 1 single kind of humiliation porn, but never searched actively for a reason for it. Until recently when i did think about the WHY I do certain things and why not. Not surprisingly it all comes back to psychological trauma of events in my childhood and as a coping mechanism I watched specifically this kind of pornography. It makes a lot more sense now and helps me understand why I actually shouldn’t use is as a form of coping / or escapism.

    Maybe to clarify: the article’s hypothesis is QUOTE: “Porn intensely focuses our mental and physical attention, uncovering specific emotions eroticized much earlier in life. Through our sexual fantasies, we attempt to master feelings of powerlessness, shame, guilt, fear and loneliness that have followed us into adulthood “ENDQUOTE.

    After some more research and meditating I re-discovered some issues I had with my teacher one time humiliating me in front of other students, which had I guess a lasting impact on me. As I earlier mentioned I highly recommend the article (it is actually not a scientific one, but I’ll update if I find one, it is written by a psychologist though on a somewhat prestigious site). Also I highly recommend the reflective approach, maybe after a certain amount of days. It helped me allot in confronting lasting pain and even declining the rate of urges even more. Anyway have a great day everybody! And I would love to here if the article maybe led to an insight in anybody else.


    LINK: http://psychologytomorrowmagazine.com/what-your-favorite-porn-says-about-you/
     
  2. Sinbad

    Sinbad Fapstronaut

    For me personally, I can see a link between emotional trauma and sexual or pornographic preference.

    Ever since I learned about masturbation, my sexual preference has gone out to older women. Last night I dreamed about... Well, it still does.

    Back when I was a kid, from age 4, my mother has been away several times, 2 years at once. Sometimes she would come home to leave again soon after.

    I suppose, missing her at such a young age left me very unhappy. By the time I got older, these maternal desires were yet, are still unfulfilled?

    I've always searched this fantasy out in pornographic material. But not in real life romantic relationships.

    In fact, I've been with 3 girls my age in young adulthood and have suffered ED with each one. I gave up on the whole thing 10 years ago.

    I'm at a point now where I want to try again.
    Should I go see a doctor before I start looking for a relationship? I don't want to hurt anyone with my problems.
     
    the awakening likes this.
  3. I think it is more common than most realize. Good subject.
     
    Nanni likes this.
  4. Luvspin68

    Luvspin68 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for posting. If you ever come across articles about attraction to Shemale/tranny porn please post.
    Thank you.
     
  5. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Most porn is triggering some trauma because most porn is "boy-girl" and sitting next to other people having sex while we masturbate is inherently very shameful, submissive etc
     
  6. traillzz

    traillzz Fapstronaut

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    Hello Sinbad, thanks for your reaction and i am sorry to hear of your struggles, so best of luck to you! First of all i am not a licensed therapist or anything like that, so my advice comes purely from my own experience/personality. But here it goes: If you think that it can help you i would seek help in a form of a doctor/therapist or maybe a good friend if that is an option for you (often talking helps allot). But i also think that seeking for a relationship or being open to it (it can happen at any moment) can be achieved without the "requirement" of seeking a therapist after a form of trauma. I say this because it helped my allot to just be open to other people and give women a chance. Also to appreciate yourself more, comes a long way.


    If you think you are up to it i would definitely try. So in the end all options are open to you and there is no bad choice, but i hope my suggestions can maybe bring some guidance. Have a great day!
     
    Sinbad likes this.
  7. Sinbad

    Sinbad Fapstronaut

    Hi traillzz. Thanks for taking your time to give me your honest advice. I really appreciate it. This is one of the most difficult things to talk about for me. But I'll have to do it. I set an appointment with the doctor on Monday. Have a nice weekend.
     
  8. Robinthehood

    Robinthehood Fapstronaut

    Hey Sinbad.

    Hope you're doing well.

    Your previous post you said you didn't want to hurt anybody again with your problems. All I can say is, don't rely on somebody else to tell you if you're ready for a relationship or not. Only you know. You want to try again, so that's it. We all have a right, as we stand on this earth, to seek out love and companionship. If you want it, then you are ready. In my opinion. I hope you find what you're looking for. I believe that with the right people we can totally heal ourselves. I'm not just talking of healing from the damage of porn, but of all traumas. So go with your heart bro, seek it and find it!
     
  9. Sinbad

    Sinbad Fapstronaut

    Thank you so much for the encouragement Robinthehood. I'd like to be considerate towards a future companion. The last thing I want is to pass on or cause trauma to someone else. For that I must do all I can to better myself. To grow confident in my ability to love.
     
    Robinthehood likes this.
  10. Robinthehood

    Robinthehood Fapstronaut

    That is true. And a very worthy thing to do. One important point though, in which I believe, is that a partner chooses you. And it's for a reason. Something they are looking for too.

    Obviously I have no idea about you, but I know how feeling you have problems or feeling broken or not fixed or not normal is an illusion. Self imposed prisons and restrictions, of which I am plenty guilty!

    All the best
     
    Sinbad likes this.
  11. Hold it in

    Hold it in Fapstronaut

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    I dont Know.

    I've never been able to shake women spanking guys over the knee.

    Everytime.

    Melts me like the surface of the Sun, Urgh

    Haha
     
  12. Sinbad

    Sinbad Fapstronaut

    Well, that's true. But I honestly don't know how to feel better about myself without having reason to.
     
  13. the awakening

    the awakening Fapstronaut

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    I don't think you need a doctor. I had similar think as lacking attention from my mother and i'm really attracted from older women. So i think we have a similar background. But i think you should find a girl that is really loving and caring to fill the hole of love that you felt when you were younger. That is how i would go personnally.
     
  14. Sinbad

    Sinbad Fapstronaut

    That's also what the doctor said. She said, we can talk about past trauma. But that won't change what I'm attracted to. That I can also look for a "mother type". Someone really loving and caring, like you said.
     
    the awakening likes this.
  15. the awakening

    the awakening Fapstronaut

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    Oh pretty interseting but i'm not sure on the fact that it won't change. I think if you act on it you could have great results. but for me it is not a problem to be attracted to older women. I don't think this is a major problem. Think about all the drugs addict... i'm pretty comfortable with that.
     
    Sinbad likes this.
  16. chillgorilla123

    chillgorilla123 Fapstronaut

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    Good article... The last couple sentences gave me lot to think about..."What emotional need do you feel was not satisfied during your childhood?
    What is your most basic emotional need now?"
     
    the awakening likes this.

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