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Why would most guys not even consider giving up their technical devices to get over porn addiction?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by skaterdrew, Jun 1, 2020.

  1. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    Or even seriously restrict them self? Getting rid of smart phones and all other devices they can access the internet on, having a really good blocking system on their computer. Why do guys not even consider doing stuff like this if they simply can't stop porn and artificial sexual stimulation on their own. If they have been trying for a long time and aren't getting anywhere.

    It honestly comes across like having a smart phone, or being able to access everything on the internet is more important to them than rebooting their brain.

    It's like a guy keeps relapsing because of his smart phone, it is the main thing that causes him to relapse, he has tried to stop for a long time, but just keeps going back on porn on his smart phone. But yet no way this guy would ever consider getting rid of his smart phone and using an old school phone with no internet. No way this guy would ever consider this. So it's literally like this guy having a smart phone is more important than rebooting his brain.

    I think we all do have an internet addiction, not just a porn addiction. I mean see when you really sit and think about it, what thought would be worse to you, the idea of not being on porn and artificial sexual stimulation for a long time? Or the idea of not being on the internet for a long time?

    I have to say the idea of me going without the internet for a long time actually somewhat scares me even. I just feel like I wouldn't even want to consider this. Like when the internet has went down for a few days I have been climbing the walls to get on it. However the idea of going without porn for a long time doesn't scare me. I want to go without porn. But yeah the idea of a non internet life for a while, yeah I have to say that does sound very unappealing to me. I think I would feel like something was seriously missing, like something was seriously wrong.

    So yeah I'm a porn addict, but actually much more of an internet addict.

    But I do believe you can create systems on your computer to make porn and artificial sexual stimulation difficult to access, even basically impossible to access.

    So I choose to only use my laptop and have a good blocking system on it. I choose to restrict my self beyond belief. I choose to not have a smart phone or any other device I can access the internet on except my heavily restricted laptop.

    But yet many other guys who have been trying to stop porn and artificial sexual stimulation for a long time but can't would never even consider something like this. No they would need to still have their smart phone, no they would still need to be on social media. They can't live without their smart phone or social media. It's more important to them than rebooting their brain.

    Like I said having no internet access at all, I admit I would find that extremely challenging. I know I wouldn't want to do that.

    But I seriously don't understand why some guys wouldn't make some sacrifices and heavily restrict them self so they don't have the same amount of access online as they have at the moment.
     
  2. r8js

    r8js Fapstronaut

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    Lack of imagination here....sorry
     
  3. I have been preaching getting rid of electronics for a long time, when I had a 4 month streak I had 0 access to electronics and I was fine, people are addicts and do not want to admit it nor do they want to change anything, they think they will be able to push through with will power alone and be fine, but they are not prepared to deny themselves.
     
    Dre17, Wugazi32, WesternWolf and 3 others like this.
  4. I do think that limiting yourself via using an old flip phone that can't access porn or using a computer with a porn blocker will do good, but in the long run if you're really addicted and you're hit with an urge you'll find a way to bypass this stuff. I feel more comfortable in situation where I have easy access but I can rely on willpower and reasoning to avoid going to a website rather than heavily restrict myself. What happens when I enter a situation where porn would be easy to access again? I feel like the temptation would be great in that moment. But at the same time if you abstain long enough the urges for PMO will weaken so it's ultimately preference.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 2, 2020
    leonpheon and Candun like this.
  5. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    Are these blockers really working for you though @skaterdrew as you still keep managing to find a way around them?

    I currently don't have any in place and rely solely on willpower - which has its good and bad points. To know that porn is literally two clicks away is scary but also feels good to know I'm not giving into it. One thing that does worry me a bit is I feel like it's somewhat of a comfort to know it's so close, a bit like an alcoholic keeping a bottle of whisky in the house just to keep them grounded.

    The problem with giving up all devices is that they have other uses and reasons for having them. If porn was only accessible on some special porn device then it'd be easy, you just get rid of it but unfortunately to give up porn by getting rid of devices all together means sacrificing a lot and often isn't practical. I don't have a smart phone so that's not a concern, the only place I access porn is my computer so whenever the urge hits I just have to get out of my room, easier said than done though as we know.

    Ultimately you have to want to quit if you're to beat this, I'm still caught in between wanting to quit and feeling like I have to so that's probably why I keep failing but I'm working on it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2020
  6. LoveIsAllWeNeed

    LoveIsAllWeNeed Fapstronaut

    I agree with you completely on the blockers. I don't use them as my recovery is completely about WANTING. We need to be aware that doing something because we have to makes us feel weak. Our mind will easily persuade us into relapse since we're not doing it wholeheartedly. Quitting because we value ourselves too much to stay addicted, makes us feel strong so our mind will have nothing to shoot at. Keeping this awareness alive every day by repeating our vow to ourselves may be one of the most important things to do. And every time we feel our will power weaken, we need to go back to our feeling of self-respect and remember our vow.
     
    whitehawk and Candun like this.
  7. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    I think the best scenario is if you can access it and you still refuse it. Because that is also strengthening your own willpower. I believe it takes unbelievable strength to be able to do this. To get very long streaks or stay off it forever using willpower alone. I honestly take my hat off to guys that do this. For me however I just don't see how it is possible.

    Recently I have made my blocking system on my laptop better, so with this system in place and everything else I have done to restrict my self, I am hoping I see much better results.
     
  8. LoveIsAllWeNeed

    LoveIsAllWeNeed Fapstronaut

    It's not willpower 'alone', it's willpower fueled by self-respect. It's knowing deep inside that you're really worthwhile to be free of any addiction. Yes, you will forget it sometimes and some technical device will not save you. Going back to your self-respect will. And you learn that on the way, mostly because you feel so terrible after relapsing which is a sign of your heart knowing that you disrespected yourself. Don't fall in the trap of self-hate after that, or you'll be going further in the wrong direction. Learn from it and move on. Self-respect is the key!
     
    whitehawk likes this.
  9. I hear what you are saying about smart phones being addictive, and ultimately causing relapse. But I think like a lot of people, living without a smart phone these days is near enough impossible. Think about all the stuff you use it for, shopping, banking, keeping in touch with family, research, medical advice etc. It is near impossible.

    However I do feel that we need to adopt a much healthier approach to digital technology, particularly smartphones. When I first started nofap, I would purposely leave my phone far away from bed, in fact I kept all digital devices away from my bed for the first 2 weeks. It got me use to sleeping without my smartphone near my side. Even till today I put it on the floor once I finish using it and I never need to check it any more straight away in morning or middle of night.

    I also read a book called Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport, and found a way to optimise my time online. I decided to quit Facebook and Instagram off my phones, I check it once a week, or once every couple of weeks now, mainly when I get DMs. I quit reading football news ( this was about 50% of my online usage)! I also quit reading normal news as this was also hugely consuming my time. I uninstalled loads of apps and quit a few games I had on my phone as well. I still have Clash of Clans... but even that game now I limit to once a day, if that..

    The point is, you can live without a smartphone, but you also can't live without one. We just need to adopt a healthier approach and balance to how we use it. And this goes across all of our digital network... including laptops, tv, netflix, youtube etc. Once we start to get these out of our system a bit, our approach to digital porn changes along with it (in my experience)
     
    Candun likes this.
  10. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Here's a different angle on it: It's gadget fetish.

    Our gadgets are considered an extension of ourselves, probably much as how some have a fetish with articles of clothing and the like. In this case it is less sexual in nature (though obviously can be used for that purpose) than the fact that it enables the novelty seeking instinct of both sexual and non-sexual matters. After all connected to the internet as it is it is very much the "anything machine."

    So when we talk about blocking software from this perspective it's kind of like don't let yourself see pantyhose if you have a fetish around that, it's ultimately impossible. In this case it's not even going to be semi-random like some women just wear it, not only is it everywhere (even if you don't own a smartphone other people do, all over) it is largely built into how things work, and some people do need to use it for their job - it's just a question of how much.

    And here's the thing about fetishes: It's a psychological thing in the person rather than a physical object outside the person - that's why not everyone has it. (even if most people do, in the case of tech fetish) You can get rid of the triggering thing outside yourself, but if you really want to uproot it you want to work on your own mind. So while I think it can be a useful step to block and not have a smartphone, it's best to shoot for the highest standard to uproot it from your mind ultimately.

    And actually, it's also about the body. Not just because of the M part of PMO but the fact that devices are mental stimulation means the body is neglected. That's no doubt why a lot of people who are working on this also are not in the best of health and can work on their fitness as well. Your attention is just in the screen and not on your body and you don't really use your body.
     
  11. I really appreciate this post. I agree that most people are, to greater and lesser degrees, addicted to internet novelty. Also, the internet offers lots of convenience. You almost forget that homo sapiens lived without the internet until about 15 years ago.

    I've relapsed countless times because porn was a click away and I didn't have the power to resist. I went 7 days without PMO about a week ago and haven't been able to go more than a day since I relapsed. Its not merely a matter of willpower. You can have higher than average impulse control and still find it hard to abstain when an addictive substance is free and no further than a foot from you at all times. Its also very difficult if you're often bored or have no regular sex partner or significant other.

    Can someone point me to a porn blocker and method that makes it virtually impossible to access porn on my phone?
     
  12. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    I actually had to get rid of my smart phone, because I couldn't get a good enough blocking system on my smart phone. I don't see the point in not being able to access any porn or artificial sexual stimulation on my laptop, but then still being able to access porn or artificial sexual stimulation on a smart phone. I feel like that would be pointless. So this is why I choose to not have a smart phone.
     
  13. I haven't read much in this thread yet but I already know it's an important one.

    I have made a lot of sacrifices to get barriers between me and p and to reduce temptation. At the same time this media diet is very healthy for me. But there also drawback (I'll get back to this later)

    I think giving up technical devices, highspeed connection and these things is not that easy. There can be a lot of back and forth, speaking from my own experience. But you want to do it in the right way, don't you and maybe progressive ...
     
  14. hey guys i have been using this site to completely prevent internet porn use on my laptop it is called opendns
    (https://www.opendns.com/) you don't have to download any app there is a code that you type in the network and sharing center of your control panel. the steps are all found on the website with great details. so open the site --> click on consumer menu --> opendns family shield --> choose your device --> computer configuration --> pick up your operating system --> these are the 2 servers that you should type in the 2 spaces
    • Prefered DNS Server: 208.67.222.123
    • Alternate DNS Server: 208.67.220.123
    for my ios i use an app called purge , https://apps.apple.com/us/app/purge-porn-blocker-safe-dns/id303399377 it is free and it blocks almost every porn website you can think of, it even blocks reddit explicit content.

    I know that if you want, you may bypass these methods of restriction but i guess it just adds an extra layer of protection and provide some moments for you to think clearly whether you'd like to relapse, i mean i have tried many times during this abstinence period to type the porn sites i used to visit in my browser. I even tried to take off the blockers but while doing so i have thought carefully; what if i relapsed and started to jack off to the porn i used to watch, it'd certainly feel good momentarily but afterwards it will hurt. I will regret it and i may get back to edging to avoid the pain and sadness i may feel. I was about to fall back several times in the past few days, even took a glance or too on some nudes in reddit and other sites but then i fought the urge off and immediately closed the tabs and got back to my mind. I think we need to teach ourselves that it is never late to get back in charge, to get your prefrontal cortex to seize the situation and stop yourself from being dragged to any harmful usage you have been accustomed to throughout the years. Our rationalizations sometimes define us subconsciously and get us to down ourselves and without realizing, we get back to our old self-destructive ways of repressing the pain.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 2, 2020
  15. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    Well I mean say for instance you set your self a goal to get a 90 day streak of no porn or artificial sexual stimulation. What way is going to be easier to achieve that goal?

    Easily being able to access porn and artificial sexual stimulation but just fighting urges?

    Or not being able to access any porn and artificial sexual stimulation and not really needing to fight urges?

    I mean an alcoholic isn't fighting the urge to take a drink out of a bottle of alcohol if there isn't a bottle of alcohol in their hand in the first place.

    I mean if guys literally can have a porn and artificial sexual stimulation free life, or even get very long streaks of no porn and artificial sexual stimulation even if they can easily access it then I say good on them. This is what I would want. But if you can't stay off porn and artificial sexual stimulation or you can't stay off it for long when you can easily access it then what is the answer? I'd say the answer is you remove it or you seriously restrict your self from it.

    If an alcoholic was fighting the urge to not drink would they sit about in a bar all day? Maybe some would, and maybe some would still be strong enough to not drink even being in that environment. But a lot wouldn't, so they would stay away from the bar, they would stay away from alcohol.

    I honestly feel like it is the same thing with porn and artificial sexual stimulation.

    But yet a lot of guys still would never even consider giving up their smart phone. A lot of guys wouldn't even consider giving up social media ext. Even if these things are the things that are mainly causing them to relapse.

    So therefore having a smart phone and being on social media must be more important to these guys than rebooting their brain.
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2020
  16. It should be common sense, right?
     
  17. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    I think the problem is the internet and all these devices have become such a big part of our lives. We use the internet and these devices for many other things than just using them for porn.

    I believe most people today are seriously addicted to the internet. It has become our normal to spend a lot of time on the internet everyday.

    I openly admit that I wouldn't even want to consider giving up the internet in my home for a while. The thought of that is so unappealing to me, and like I said when the internet has even went down for a few days I have been climbing the walls to get back on it.

    If an alcoholic for instance struggles to stay off alcohol, it is much easier for the alcoholic to just not have alcohol in their home. But it is much more difficult for a porn addict to cut off all internet in their home in my opinion. Because like I said most people are addicted to the internet in general these days, porn addicts use the internet for many other things than just using it for porn. The internet is a huge part of peoples lives these days, and it is very much peoples normal to spend large amounts of time on the internet. It's like most people now are running on autopilot going on to the internet.

    But again I do feel like it is a very tricky situation. Because when your addicted to something and want to stop an addiction, generally one of the first things the addict would do is remove the thing they are addicted to from their home. An alcoholic wouldn't have alcohol in their home, a drug addict wouldn't have the drug in their home. But a porn addict is in a much more tricky situation, because for them to remove porn from their home, they would actually need to shut off all internet access in their home altogether.

    I mean I was heavily addicted to using a smart phone for years and quite easily managed to stop using that. But I do still use the internet on my laptop, and I do feel like no way I would want to give the internet on my laptop up. But I do have my laptop heavily restricted, and this is the only device I can access the internet on. So I am hoping this system will work for me.

    I honestly feel like getting urges, or even worse powerful urges and having instant easy access to porn and artificial sexual stimulation is an awful scenario and very dangerous situation. I feel like I do much better not being able to access it when I get these type of urges. But I do take my hat off to the guys that are in these situations who continuously manage to keep refusing porn and artificial sexual stimulation even when they have easy access to it.

    These guys are literally the same as a heavy alcoholic who can have alcohol lying about all over their home and still refuse it, the same as a drug addict who can have the drug they're addicted to lying about all over their home and still refuse it.

    But again many addicts can't refuse it when it is lying about their home like that, when they have such easy access to it, when they have such temptation right in their face constantly, when they have such temptation right at their finger tips constantly. So in my opinion they need to get rid of it one way or another.
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2020
  18. sinner76

    sinner76 Fapstronaut

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    Hey, You could always bypass it because you could change the DNS. I've made a program called forceDNS which changes your DNS to cleanbrowsing and prevents you from changing it. Check it out under windows: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...r-willpower-an-aid-the-porn-free-zone.272658/
     
  19. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    You can consider giving up stuff, technical or otherwise and also taking up/learning about stuff, whether it's digital tech or other things. Why would most guys not consider learning about biology and psychology to get over porn addiction? It's easy to stay with what we already know, but you have a body and a psyche, you probably don't have digital implants. (yet) While we don't need to get really technical the fact that we ourselves are made up of those things makes those two areas of knowledge more relevant than digital tech.

    The digital "solution" is short term and incomplete. I don't rule it out but it's just another form of relapse prevention, not really recovery.
     
    Thecolonel likes this.
  20. Summer Son

    Summer Son Fapstronaut

    I agree and disagree with this. Pornography addiction is more close to internet addiction and lots of us here has internet addiction in the same time. It is easily accessible, just one click away. Nowadays literally everybody has a smartphone with internet access. Whatsapp became the standard of communication. Blocking websites on my computer or smartphone did not help me to get rid of my porn addiction. Lately, I tried to do some digital minimalism like using my computer in grayscale, getting rid of all distracting apps and bookmarks and using before launcher did really helped. In the same time while I am surfing on the net for a specific topic I sometimes disable pictures on the chrome web browser. I don't follow news and I don't use social media, I don't use my devices to gaming, when I am surfing, I am careful about ads and using my time. Use adblocker. Not always necessary to googling., if you have 'information addiction'. Because input data always, your brain needs to rest, really. Stay away from media consumption sometimes and give a rest. Stay away from all apps that includes advertisement. Nowadays I use DuckDuckGo for internet searching.

    I turned my smartphone to a dumbphone, using it grayscale and before launcher did really help. Firstly, put blockers on your brain, and if seems help you it is OK. But putting blockers did not really help me. If it helps you, try it. Everybody is different. Maybe we can't escape today's digital world but we can find a balance.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2020

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