I ask myself why ? Why do I put myself through this ? It’s totally a self decision to let the bullshit and negative vibes stay in my life. Since the day I met my Ex PA, he’s been living a double life. Being with me and talking to over 25 women, sexting, ( gods knows if he cheated ), paying for camgirls and all types of stuff. I found out 1 year and a half in to our relationship. He makes up 1,00000 excuses why he does what he doing. And one of them was that he’s addicted to porn. Now after I found out he’s addicted and has done all these horrible selfish things. I still forgive and take him back. Why the hell would I do that ? Trying to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. Over the last 4 months after finding out we have been trying to work on trust and becoming one again. But my heart, mind & soul can’t sit with what he has done. We been on and off because I can’t trust him. Everytime we break up he’s goes right back to his old ways. Showing me he can’t be trusted! Why do the things that’s has us broken up in the 1st place ? I feel so disrespected, stupid, alone, not worth it. Now let’s not forget the real reason I can’t be with him .... he’s the BIGGEST LIAR I know of. Lies about everything little or big. He just doesn’t care and it shows, his actions always speak louder than his words. He says he loves me and only wants me, but soon as we break up he goes to bars and picks up chicks , dating websites, cam girls, porn and much more. When we get back together, he buys my things to try and win my trust back. He literally thinks he can buy my love. He questions me as if I’m the cheated and the whole time he’s the one doing the dirt. This is probably the last time I will write on nofap. Because I’m trying to move pass this part in my life. This is the most hurt I ever been in my life. I loved him unconditionally and gave him all of me. I feel robbed.. at the end of the day he’s going to be fine, go back to what makes him comfortable and happy. Internet chicks are more important than me. I have completely lost my self. Trying to help him find himself. I helped him , get his 1st debit card & CC just so he can order personal cam girl videos & send money to online girls. Everything I did for him has been used against me. I’m numb .. I never see my self healing from this ... I will forever look over my shoulder. Thank you Nofap , couldn’t help my PA ex. But definitely helped through the bullshit he has brought in to my life. Having you guys and the stories really helped me.