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Wife is constantly triggered and feels we are in a companionship

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Growing Man, Jul 29, 2019.

  1. Growing Man

    Growing Man Fapstronaut

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    I can very much see how the SA would feel that way it is eye opening to me. Does not mean you and your wife were not strong in many other areas.
     
  2. I read that an instantly smiled. It’s EXACTLY like being friend zoned. I was begging for sex and intamacy but he didn’t want that from me- he had porn- I was just a friend. Someone to watch movies with, someone to go for dinner with, someone to hang out with. And just like when a teenage boy gets angry for being friend zoned saying “why did you lead me on when you just wanted to be friends! Why are you dating him and not me!” I too would think that about porn.
     
  3. Kitty lover

    Kitty lover Fapstronaut

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    I too smiled and related to the term ' friendzone'. That's exactly how I have been feeling.

    Lust and sexual energy is a key difference between mates and relationships in my eyes.

    The thing about the friendzone in my situation is that my SO has admitted to M & fantasizing over several women in his 'friendzone'-, so I almost feel further detached than that!
    Maybe the unattractive, not tempting friendzone is where I sit with my SO.
     
  4. KeepFocus

    KeepFocus Fapstronaut

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    EMpty Shell thank you for writing that long post. It's so heartfelt it made me cry.

    and then this bit:
    that is beautiful.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. Sometimes it just takes hearing it from someone else to understand a little better what we all go through.

    There have been a lot of men on these forums who are very early in their recovery and they don’t understand what this has done to their wives. There have been men who tell other men “ah she’s complaining and jealous just dump her” or “you’ve quit watching it what else does she want from you!? She’s playing the victim when this has nothing to do with her” there are so many men like this and it breaks my heart. What these men don’t seem to understand is that most of the spouses here don’t expect our men to be perfect. We know relapsing happens, we know men become triggered as well. We just expect honesty and vulnerability from our men. Some men and even some experts will say “boys will be boys and will always look” if it’s in men’s nature to want to look, they should understand it’s in women’s nature to want to be desired by our man. So each person going through this, men and women, are choosing to be with one another when it’s not easy- our men haven’t desired us - they’ve desired plenty others - and were now asking you to forgo the objectification of women that you’ve been taught was okay by a really fucked Up society.
    Sorry for the rant haha

    I’m happy you got something from my long post
     
    melonka, Liina, Kitty lover and 5 others like this.
  6. I just want to say thanks to all of you. This thread is gold.
     

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