Will I ever be whole again....

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Blackswan, Dec 30, 2017.

  1. Blackswan

    Blackswan Fapstronaut

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    The love of my life has never been sexually committed to me... he’s drive was always elsewhere... sadly I thought that was marriage... that was life in general.... mayb because I got married too young or was too naive... am I ever going to be good enough for him? Is his life not complete with just me? Is the past going to leav me or am I always going to be wondering... wondering if he’s thinkng about it... wondering if he has gone back to it... wondering if he compares me to how he felt when watching it...
    I feel heartbroken... and I don’t no if I’ll every be whole again... taking it day by day... sometimes positive but mostly negative... but my negative days are like the worse days possible... I cnt breath, I cnt think... I hv this cloud of emotions that don’t go away... I need help... feel like I’m drowning... is this going to work or am I going to have to walk away
     
  2. NF4L

    NF4L Fapstronaut

    You will be whole again. Give yourself some time to breathe. It is very overwhelming at first, so take the time for yourself to get out and find some serenity. Perhaps that is visiting some friends, or a good walk or hike, or even meditation or prayer. You have a community of support here for you, so hopefully it helps to know that many have been able to successfully get past this and move on. There will come a time where you can find some hope again, but it may not be as soon as you need it.

    There are some great resources out there. I believe @AnonymousAnnaXOXO has found some of the best resources out there to help with healing and recovery.

    One of those that might help you at the moment is the togetherness project:
    http://www.togethernessproject.org/blog/healing-from-betrayal-trauma

    You are just starting to go through the grief process, and I think the best explaination of it and how it really works is only found there under Lesson 2.

    I hope it helps, as I don’t think I could justify summarizing it, or trying to convey it as well as they have done.

    Wishing you all the best.
     
  3. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

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  4. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    I know exactly what you mean. I don't feel like I'll ever be the same again.

    I do feel better than I did at the beginning. I hope some of these resources people have posted will help you. Hugs.
     
    Hopefulgirl likes this.
  5. Loveless

    Loveless Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate seeing these resources. I am also trying to recover and struggling every day. Thank you for posting. When my SO is sleeping tonight and not pretending that our lives are back to normal because he's doing better, I will read them all.
     
    Hopefulgirl likes this.
  6. Blackswan

    Blackswan Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for all your help on the resorces... im so touched to have people who able to help me get through this... I will for sure take out time and look through all these links
    Thank you again
     
  7. Hey @Blackswan ! I fully inderstand where you are coming from. I am 6 months post D day and still treading water. Married for 14 years, 10 of which my husband was using P (to the point of completely replacing me), and lying about it. We have been blindsided. Betrayal trauma is a pain like no other. The most important thing right now is self care-are you eating? Sleepi g? Have support?
     
  8. Loveless

    Loveless Fapstronaut

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    Sadgirl,
    Blindsided is exactly right word. When I discovered the sheer amount of P and the kinds of P my husband replaced me with, I was shattered. Who is this alienating, awful stranger in my home? I am working on building self-confidence now. I feel like I have lost all the joy in my life, and I miss that very much. I want to try to get it back by writing down one thing that I love or miss in my life (it can be small). If it is thing that can be seen or visited, I will go to see it. If it is an action, I will try to do it. If I miss a person, I will reach out. I need to give myself positive tasks so I don't ruminate about negative things, and especially feel bad about myself. Do you have suggestions for positive things to do to rebuild self esteem and confidence? I am very open to ideas. Today I did my make up in a new way, and that was enough to make me take interest in a new thing, even though it is small snd superficial, that could be positive and affirming for me...
    I wish all who are reading a happier 2018. Let's hope it is a year of uplifting achievements, self discovery, and multiple blessings.
     
    Hopefulgirl likes this.
  9. Clean Plate

    Clean Plate Fapstronaut

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    It does work. It all depends on how commited you are to sobriety. I felt the same way when I was on drugs. PMO addiction causes different withdrawl symptoms but some of them are the same (depression and all the sub categories; hopeless, feeling worthless, loss of confidence,etc.) It wont happen overnight either, the 90 day challenge is just that a challenge. From what I learned in rehap, addictions take a toll on the brain. It takes about two years complete abstinence for the brain to rewire/heal itself substantially. It is possible, I just hit two years sobriety from all abusive drugs on the 23rd of december. I feel like ive started a new chapter in my life, IT IS AMAZING. I feel like have unlocked my full intellectual capacity. Im currently on the same goal with NOFAP. I will admit I have no idea how I stopped PMO, it happened on a random day. I could give you advice but in reality it is ENTIRELY up to you to stop this hell of a habit. I sure hope you stick around, it is definitely absolutely worth it, I promise.
     
    It'sBlue likes this.
  10. Hey @Loveless I am not sure how I missed this, but here is my reply :) Self care is HUGE right now. Eating well, moving your body to increase feel good endorphins, meditating and or praying, finding a hobby you love, maintaining friendships (it is VERY easy to isolate when experiencing betrayal trauma).... these are all so important. Finding people who understand and are empathetic to your situation is also so important. I really love bloom for women which is a website for women experiencing betrayal trauma. There is a forum as well as courses and so many videos about self care, understanding sex addiction, finding yourself, yoga, meditation etc. Please know that I am here for you as are many women on this forum. Reach out anytime ❤
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2018
    Loveless and Jennica like this.
  11. Loveless

    Loveless Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, Sadgirl. I've been self-isolating a lot, falling out of touch with friends, many of whom are mutual friends with SO. Part of it is, I don't want to accept this new identity of mine: wife of porn addict. I mean, I know it applies to me, but talking about it with friends seems like another way of becoming isolated. I don't know if my friends could relate in the way that many of us here, unfortunately, can. It's great to hear that you have had good experiences with Bloom for women. I've browsed the site, but haven't joined. Maybe I will now. I've begun therapy, and I'm thinking of making an appointment with an acupuncturist. I've never tried that before, but I think some new directions in my life are really necessary now. I'm doing well at work, and committing myself to new projects. I'm also thinking of making some major changes at home. Things can't stay the way they are. I have one foot out the door. Things have to radically change, or I'm gone.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2018

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