Will I Really Change?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by VyMe, Feb 6, 2018.

  1. VyMe

    VyMe Fapstronaut

    Unbelievable how recovery is such a rollercoaster of emotions. One second I feel like I'm going to change and be the best I can be, the next, I feel like I will forever remain a disappointement. And it's actually that extreme, when I feel positive, I feel like I will pursue my dream, quit procrastinating and find friends again, be the happiest and most successful person on earth. But when I feel unhappy, I begin to think that no matter how many days, weeks, moths, years I stay away from porn, I will still be super awkward, no-one will want to talk to me and I'll never find friends again.
    The worst part is that I think negatively more often. I keep telling myself that I will have a sense of humour once again and I will be a likeable guy again, but I'm honestly just trying to convince myself without really believing it. I read people's success stories, It seems like it does get better but for some reason... I just feel like It's gonna be different for me, I feel like I won't change. And I believe that a large part of your recovery depends on your attitude, if you tell yourself you'll never change, well... you probably won't... So I would have to change my opinion and think positive, but how? I've already been clean for 20 days and haven't seen any progress.... You see... I just want friends most of all and the friends I lost due to porn addiction really don't seem like they'll be willing to accept me back and well... I don't see too many other people I could be friends with. How can you battle an addiction if you don't know if you'll get what you want out of it...?
    There's only one way for me to really find out if I can change...
    I would really appreciate opinions on this.
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  2. Lightseeker

    Lightseeker Fapstronaut

    I feel exactly the same as you when im walking this path man and every time i realize im feeling down i tell myself that its part of the treatment, we are not going to heal and get the best of ourselves overnight... its gonna take time and effort... mood swings are normal... and that moments are the dangerous ones, because they lead you to relapse... just stay strong and do this, every time you start feeling sad just let it go and tell yourself that its gonna pass and is part of the treatment... it works for me.
    sorry for my english, not my main language... ;)
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  3. I feel the same way although the changes are not that sudden. It gets easier and easier tho. I would say NoFap is worth it if only for the moments when you feel like a boss. I'd rather feel like a boss sometimes than feel like crap all the time. It's also a sign that you have emotions. I used to be completely numbed by PMO and weed. Now I feel alive.

    Don't try to salvage past relationships. People come and go into one's life. Don't try to navigate against the flow. Go where life takes you. New people will cross your path and walk with you. Join a gym, join a club, go to the coffee shop or the library. Things WILL happen.

    You're only 20 days in. You'll see that in 20 days from now you'll feel much better. It takes a long time to reboot. Be patient and trust the process. I started really talking to girls that were just around me but that I had never noticed only last week.
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  4. I think everyone that has been hooked up on porn for long has these problems and feelings. We've medicated with porn for far too long, and like @Lightseeker said, it's a process, we won't heal and get better overnight.
    So I would advice that you trust the process, stick with it and carry on with your recovery, the future is bright for us. And I'm sure you would make friends, it's normal. :)
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  5. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

    Hey man, I get where you're coming from and it really sucks but there area lot of things that will change with enough time.
    First of all 20 days is a huge milestone, congratulations for that! In my case though, I didn't feel that much better by the 20 days mark, Just keep going and with enough time you'll start feeling big changes.
    Leaving porn will make you connect with your emotions, Many of them positive and many of them negative. The important thing is that you start figuring them out and specially getting comfortable with them. Porn numbs you down and keeps you trapped in a kind of comfort zone, where you prefer to use porn instead of actually dealing with your emotions. Pay attention! and you will realize that in the moments where you feel the saddest is where you will need porn the most!

    You are in a tough moment right now, where life does not feel like much in comparison to porn. You imagine what you would like to be like, but feel like you are very far away from that. Actually you feel like it's an impossible goal to reach. You are sometimes positive, but deep inside you feel like there is no real change.
    Porn used to fill so much space in your head, that now, after 20 days without porn you feel empty, drained, passionless, uninvolved with life and with others. There is nothing that lifts you up so much, or anything that makes you truly happy.

    Let me tell you man, that will change sooner that you think, but you have to make an effort and keep going. Not only abstaining from porn but actually rewiring your brain to reconnect with the real things in life. Start doing the things you love doing: painting, reading, working out, taking a walk, listening to music...but most importantly reconnect with real people, people that share your interests, that enjoy doing the same things you do.
    When you start connecting with the things you love, you will still find some resistance from within you, that will try to take you back to porn. But slowly your brain will start feeling enjoyment from all these healthy things and porn will become secondary and then you won't feel the need to use it again. It will have lost its power.

    I talk about this in this post, if you're feeling lost i'm sure it will help you out.

    keep pushing on man, there is still a lot of progress ahead of you and even though you don't see the blue sky yet, I can tell you that it's right there above the clouds...Keep fighting!
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  6. GripLess

    GripLess Fapstronaut

    20 days is a short amount of time. It takes the brain longer to repair the damage and rebuild the proper paths that have been altered. Be very patient. This is a marathon you have to walk, not run. Nothing is going to speed it up. Eating right and exercise will help but ut still takes time. Dont be afraid to have a discussion with your doc about depression, be honest and open about it. They may he able to help with it for the time being. Dont think less of yourself for seeking help in this way. Millions suffer from depression. For some its short term, for others(like me) its long term.
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