Unbelievable how recovery is such a rollercoaster of emotions. One second I feel like I'm going to change and be the best I can be, the next, I feel like I will forever remain a disappointement. And it's actually that extreme, when I feel positive, I feel like I will pursue my dream, quit procrastinating and find friends again, be the happiest and most successful person on earth. But when I feel unhappy, I begin to think that no matter how many days, weeks, moths, years I stay away from porn, I will still be super awkward, no-one will want to talk to me and I'll never find friends again. The worst part is that I think negatively more often. I keep telling myself that I will have a sense of humour once again and I will be a likeable guy again, but I'm honestly just trying to convince myself without really believing it. I read people's success stories, It seems like it does get better but for some reason... I just feel like It's gonna be different for me, I feel like I won't change. And I believe that a large part of your recovery depends on your attitude, if you tell yourself you'll never change, well... you probably won't... So I would have to change my opinion and think positive, but how? I've already been clean for 20 days and haven't seen any progress.... You see... I just want friends most of all and the friends I lost due to porn addiction really don't seem like they'll be willing to accept me back and well... I don't see too many other people I could be friends with. How can you battle an addiction if you don't know if you'll get what you want out of it...? There's only one way for me to really find out if I can change... I would really appreciate opinions on this.