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Will my anxiety with talking to females go away?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Belching_Booch, Oct 23, 2020.

  1. Belching_Booch

    Belching_Booch Fapstronaut

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    Hey there, been on an overall health journey over the past year and change. I'm down 85 pounds with about 50 more to go, I hit the gym almost every day, been eating clean, quit smoking, started meditating, etc. I've been on a good path, but quitting pmo completely has been a struggle. I always make it 5-6 days and then relapse. I'm on day 5 atm, but am more determined than ever to make it the full 90 days this time around. My main issue is that my entire life I got no female attraction. I'm a pretty good looking guy, albeit a few pounds overweight. The main issue is that despite losing a lot of weight and putting on muscle, I still lack basic confidence and conversion skills. It's an issue I dealt with my entire life. My question is, from your guys' experience, will doing a full nofap reboot help me increase my confidence, especially around women? It makes me think something's wrong with me because no girl looks my way...
     
  2. GhostRider@11

    GhostRider@11 Fapstronaut

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    The main problem arises when you care about females, the moment you deeply feel and accept that you don't care about them, they are no big entities, nor they are important to me, all that nervousness goes away. Believe me, say to yourself, I don't care about them, I don't need them, and then your attitude will automatically change toward any girl, you will be more confident than ever. Don't place them above you, if you ever did that, you will feel nervous, weather you said correct thing or not, you will continue to judge yourself and will not be able to focus on the conversation and even if you did your best, believe me it won't be that good. But once you place them on your level or even below than you, then they are nothing, even if you said something wrong, or absurd that won't matter to you. May be in initial few days you may feel that the conversation went wrong but after some practice, you would be fine, just like you talk to guys.
     
  3. Belching_Booch

    Belching_Booch Fapstronaut

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    I try to do that, believe me. Thing is I've never been attractive to girls, and being 30 it's really starting to mess with me. The longer I go without female attention, the longer I'm convinced that I'm a loser with no sex appeal. I'm an introvert, so these things don't come naturally to me. It doesn't help that up until a year ago I was an obese stoner that stayed home all the time playing video games and excessively overdoing pmo. I'm focusing on becoming a more high value male, but DEEP DOWN what I want more than anything is the female attention that I never had, and nothing will change that. In the meantime I'm focusing on bettering myself every day, but I still want what I want.
     
    WOODROW likes this.
  4. WOODROW

    WOODROW Fapstronaut

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    What specific video games would cause such a problem? I thought they were geared for children? Not that you are little guy nor am I...this is all new to me..I am not married no kids no girlfriends.
     
  5. Belching_Booch

    Belching_Booch Fapstronaut

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    It wasn't the video games that CAUSED the problem. What I was trying to say is that instead of focusing on bettering myself during my twenties, I smoked pot everyday, ate like shit, and played games while staying at home. It wasn't until 29 that I had a wakeup call which put my on my path. I'm feeling much better overall these days, but I still struggle with women. Haven't had sex in nearly 4 years, which is why I turned to pmo in the first place... Trying to kick that nasty addiction.
     
  6. GhostRider@11

    GhostRider@11 Fapstronaut

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    These all things are only symptoms, find the cause and fix it. How are you in other parts of your life.
    It was my mistake, those confidence things and all won't work if your life is like hell, if you have never won something big, you can't feel that type of confidence, you can act like that, but not for long, the easiest way is to develop yourself and get more and more better in other parts of your life, and confidence will come to you naturally, when you are achieving your goal daily, when you are working really hard for your goal, when you have achieved many of your targets, that confidence will automatically reflect in your personality, they will read it from their subconscious mind, and for those people who are good enough in other areas of life but still aren't able to talk to girls because of some limiting beliefs, then at such time "fake it till you make it" will works. But if you are nothing in real life, even if you fake it, they would still be able to sense it that you are faking it, It would be useless to act like a warrior, your body language will tell them the truth, they will feel it from your voice or even by looking at you.
    The only solution is to develop yourself so much, that natural real confidence automatically starts to grow inside you, they will feel it, and you won't need to fake it, even if you had to fake it for few initial days, it won't be that tough. The easiest way is to become a warrior, and you will automatically develop personality like a warrior.
    Yes, so I do believe that you should do nofap, get more control over your life. Afterall, something is better than nothing. Combine nofap with meditation, exercise and focus on other areas like passion, your work or your relationship in your family, try to improve your social skills along with doing nofap, even this nofap victory will raise your confidence because it is not as easy it seems, it will make you a warrior to some extent, but you will have to keep facing challenges, because you won't be able to use confidence from a year old victory, because everyone can sense that whatever the case maybe but now he is doing nothing, so keep challenging yourself, and keep achieving them, and don't keep your end goal as girls, they will realize it, and will unknowingly start to think themselves as valuable in front of you.
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2020
  7. RQ7

    RQ7 Fapstronaut

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    Very good advice.
     
    GhostRider@11 likes this.

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