Hello. 5 days without PMO. I feel sharing my story too because I identify with many people whose posts I've read. I am a 3rd year in medical school and I've been struggling with this addiction for about 8 years. All my life since then at least I've battled with anxiety and depression. I was always a lonely kid never being able to tie strong friendships. I had a pretty rough childhood. My household wasn't the happiest place to live, growing with an abusive father and a controlling mother. Things went like this until the first year of college. I was aware that I had a problem with anxiety and I sought help from a specialist. I finally started socializing more and the anxiety began to vanish. I was even able to start working out which to that point seemed inconceivable. Unfortunately, porn addiction persisted. And at that point, I realized I wouldn't be able to achieve or maintain an erection without porn. This made me even more insecure which lead to even more binge fapping which made me feel even worse and I kept on persisting in the same vicious circle over and over again. One of the things I desired the most, was to have a relationship, to love somebody and to feel that someone shares my feelings (I'm gay btw). But each time I had these thoughts, everything would crumble because the only image that would come to my mind was that we would get to that certain point and I would feel humiliated. This worsened, even more, my depressed state. I began to remove more and more people from my life and to withdraw from any social interaction or events. I would keep in touch with one or two friends and that during school where I felt ok (I am the funny guy who goes home only to deepen himself in loneliness). Now, after this 3rd year of college, I feel that I've hit rock bottom. For the first time, I realized that my life, which I can't even call it that way, is truly awful, boring and most importantly meaningless. I see many of my college mates that I once used to call them my friends living amazing lives, traveling, meeting people, falling in love, experiencing new things, making themselves useful, being happy. And I'm just wasting my life. Even worse is that my anxiety is all back. I'm grateful that I still have the guts to frequent the gym. I would've liked to get a summer job or to get my driver's license, be productive in some way. I failed to mention that my parents who pay for my tuition are quite overcontrolling and conservative so choosing this path in life wasn’t the best idea not having the same freedom as many of my mates. All I managed to do one month after finishing school, while we had to complete our hospital practice was to binge-watch Netflix and porn. On the last day before I went to my parents' house to spend the rest of the summer holiday, I had the guts to call out one of the guys I've been friends with during the first year (and whom I've had a crush on ). And God what an amazing person he has become. Having a summer job, all sorts of projects in which he's involved, dozens of good friends and even a relationship. I had in front of me the guy I've always dreamt to be but I've never dared to even try. If I used to like him, now I would worship him. That changed something inside and gave me the strength, after all these years of DAILY PMO to finally be clean for 5 days now – and counting. And even though it's not much yet, I began to feel improvements in my mood. Not much but I feel the hope that once withered, now growing each day a little bit stronger. And now I want to address the issue which haunts me the most. I am afraid that quitting porn at all will only cure my ED and that I would remain the same anxious, sad, fearful and low-esteemed guy, only with a working penis. And now, after these days, when all I think about is Ctrl+Shift+N, I wonder if it would worth it or all I have to do is to exist on this planet hoping that my life would eventually end. Because I want to change, I want to be proud of myself, I want to strive to leave this me behind and become a new person one day at the time and to get closer to happiness as much as I can. I now stay in front of this screen pouring my soul in front of you, asking if things will get better giving up on porn. I fell that there is a wall between me and what I want to achieve and I would like to believe that this addiction represents it. I am aware that I won't accomplish anything by doing nothing in the hope that things will only sort out by themselves but I want some assurance that quitting PMO will let me find the strength to take action. I'm looking forward to your opinions, responses, and advice and I'm glad there is a community I can share my thoughts with. Thanks a lot!