Will to change from my crookedness

[Polotopolo]

Hi all,

I'm new to the website, seeking for people who might have had the same experience as me.
I'm 23, got introduced to porn at the age of 11.
A few weeks ago I had the horrible feeling that my life needed some changes (panic attacks, constant anxiety..). My behaviour towards porn and sexual images is one of the most important thing.

My girlfriend helped me realize that i had an addiction to porn. But the issue is not about the quantity (i would fap once a day, but sometimes for a long time) nor erection problems. My issue is that i developped along the years a desire towards ANYthing. To the point of incest (my cousin for example), CP (worse of them all), gay (just because i'm not), rape, hardcore hentai, games..
I would record people in the street / beach, download stuff, have banks of images.. i deleted them all to keep away from temptation.
And all these images that appeal me does not define who i am. I want to erase these desires from my brain and i can't live with the guilt of feeling appeal to such things.

So I stopped fapping cause it made me feel too bad. Now it's been 12 days and it's quite complicated. I know I could fap without porn (especially because i'm without my girlfriend, she lives abroad in the current time) but I'm scared to think of things that are disrespectful / illegal when i do so.

How to heal from feeling aroused by illegal / violent things ?
How to be less of a beast ? Learn again how to behave sexually without all these images that forged my brain and sexual desires ?

 

[Trainee]

Hey Polotopolo, I want to let you know that I think it's a very, very good thing that you recognized this was all bad. The fact that you feel bad when you think of all of this is a good thing. It's also a good thing that you are now seeking out becoming a better person. To give you some inspiration and hope, I want you to know that the longer you go without these sinful acts, the less you can remember them. In other words, the images you described as forging your brain and sexual desires can be forgotten over time. There is hope, and I strongly encourage you to stick with this. You can turn your life around, and I fully support you doing so. In regards to healing, I don't have all of the answers, but I believe that God does. Personally, I encourage you to seek Him out, and to read scripture, as God, the Bible and the Christian community all have done miraculous wonders in my life. As one final piece of advice, remember that this won't be easy, and it will take time. But don't forget that it will be worth it. You can do this.