Will vanilla ever satisfy me?

F

Fire-Goblin

Fapstronaut
To cut a long story short, for as long as I could remember vanilla things never turned me on.

When I was growing up, the sight of breasts or other things that would typically arouse a pubescent boy never did anything for me. The only things that got me going were femdom and lesbians.

This was all before any porn use. Now I’m not saying porn has done nothing. Porn definitely made things worse over the years and lead me to heavier femdom and lesbian content. However, these fetishes did not come to be as a result of porn.

I remember once when I was roughly 11 or 12 and a friend was around my house and we started watching the Friday the 13th remake and there was a sex scene, very vanilla and then my friend said how it gave him a boner, yet that same scene did absolutely nothing for me.

I am now age 20 and am suffering mentally as a result of this. The weird thing is, if I am with a female and things are progressing I can get aroused but it is nothing like arousal from the fetishes I listed. It’s enough to be able to achieve an erection and maintain it but it never arouses me enough to be enough to “finish”, even if I hadn’t been masturbating for years and hadn’t desensitised myself downstairs.

This really causes me torment. Because I am sick of these fetishes and I want to be able to have a normal sex life. I have attempted NoFap many times. My record is 31 days but vanilla attractions never increased for that period of time.

I am just wondering if the whole 90 day reboot would be a waste of time for me. I’m wondering if some guys are only able to achieve full arousal through kink and can never have a vanilla sex life where both partners are satisfied sexually.

Please give me some advice or even better a success story from somebody who was in more or less the same position as me. Will I get to a point where vanilla arouses me as much as my fetishes do?
 
Sexually I've always been like this. I was horny since age 9 and since day 1 'normal' thoughts didn't really do anything for me. But thats because I developed a sex drive before I was old enough to understand and appreciate the importance of intimacy.

I didnt have a great childhood which I won't go into but I suspect impacted on this. A ten year relationship with a porn addict reinforced it.

The key is intimacy. Most likely if you are able to open your heart and learn to give and recieve love instead of focusing on sex, the sex side of things sorts itself out.

Nofap has helped me massively, I'm not needing that stuff any more. Just loving someone and sharing myself with them is enough now. Needs for kink & fetishes IMO are the manefestation of some deeper need for love and affection not being met. I think this is quit common for men as they are taught that they shouldn't need love because they need to be macho & all that crap. But you do need love. Everybody does
 
Fire-Goblin said:
To cut a long story short, for as long as I could remember vanilla things never turned me on.

When I was growing up, the sight of breasts or other things that would typically arouse a pubescent boy never did anything for me. The only things that got me going were femdom and lesbians.

This was all before any porn use. Now I’m not saying porn has done nothing. Porn definitely made things worse over the years and lead me to heavier femdom and lesbian content. However, these fetishes did not come to be as a result of porn.

I remember once when I was roughly 11 or 12 and a friend was around my house and we started watching the Friday the 13th remake and there was a sex scene, very vanilla and then my friend said how it gave him a boner, yet that same scene did absolutely nothing for me.

I am now age 20 and am suffering mentally as a result of this. The weird thing is, if I am with a female and things are progressing I can get aroused but it is nothing like arousal from the fetishes I listed. It’s enough to be able to achieve an erection and maintain it but it never arouses me enough to be enough to “finish”, even if I hadn’t been masturbating for years and hadn’t desensitised myself downstairs.

This really causes me torment. Because I am sick of these fetishes and I want to be able to have a normal sex life. I have attempted NoFap many times. My record is 31 days but vanilla attractions never increased for that period of time.

I am just wondering if the whole 90 day reboot would be a waste of time for me. I’m wondering if some guys are only able to achieve full arousal through kink and can never have a vanilla sex life where both partners are satisfied sexually.

Please give me some advice or even better a success story from somebody who was in more or less the same position as me. Will I get to a point where vanilla arouses me as much as my fetishes do?
Click to expand...


You say that vanilla does not arouse you even if you hadn't masturbated for years, but you said the longest nofap streak you had is 30 days.

How is that?
 
Mattew said:
You say that vanilla does not arouse you even if you hadn't masturbated for years, but you said the longest nofap streak you had is 30 days.

How is that?
Click to expand...

I am failing to understand what you mean. By the not masturbating for years I am referring to the fact that even if my penis wasn’t physically desensitised (from years of masturbation) then I still wouldn’t be aroused enough to ejaculate. I would only be able to maintain an erection.
 
Mattew said:
You say that vanilla does not arouse you even if you hadn't masturbated for years, but you said the longest nofap streak you had is 30 days.

How is that?
Click to expand...

I’m assuming you thought I meant that I haven’t masturbated for years and that me saying my longest stream was 30 days was contradictory?

Just to clarify again. What I meant was even if I hadn’t have masturbated for years and desensitised my penis physically then vanilla still would not be enough to make me ejaculate. Because it’s not so much about physical stimulation but the fact I’m not aroused enough.
 
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