Will You Make It, For Our Last Go Around?!

I've finally had it. The Porn, Phone Sex, Pillow Humps, Hand Strokes .. it's all over for me
YOU HEAR?
I SAIIID, I'M THROUGH - COMPLETELY THROUGH W/ THE MANIPULATION
- THEE - SOCIAL IMPACTS DONE UNTO ME
- THE WAY OF THE EVIL MIND
- MY SENSELESS TASTE FOR THIS LIFE
It hasn't struck me in a personal manner just yet, but I know that the last year and half for me has been wasted. From a minor slip up, to a never-ending vicious cycle + this was by far an experience i do not wish to continue visiting <not ever again in my lifetime><nor for my brothers and sisters and elders> these shameful acts that my *Design* knows is not right to do. To be honest I am quite bothered by the way it makes me feel . . . i feel the need to explain more but as for right now i would like to just ink it here and continue with this thread post tomorrow - - for i am not able to spew the correct terms and tell of my tale in a manner that of which can be told over a glass of bourbon late into the evening (over some fire)

 

Still burrowed in my head, feeling shameful of my current state and currently displeased at my current placement in time. I should be (in my mothers gentle eyes, a college graduate with a career) but instead I'm (a bum trying to work these kinks out).
I find it odd, to have been born as a fat kid for most of my elementary\middle school and beating the harsh judgments then as a kid to now having an interest in watching porn which is leading me into a bottomless pit.
Sigh~
So much to talk about and yet I don't want to explain it all cuz someone's had it worse and I can't be too troubled by my mistakes because I have the power to choose to do the right thing but it seems my past experience has taught me a lot of bad habits and actions that has corrupted my way of thinking and judgelemt
Must prove to my myself and the future that I want more than this for my life (I sound like a broken recorder)
I've gone on for 3 days or so from abstaining from pmo but I'd rather not keep track of count but rather believe that Ive started a new way of life but counting for now seems good up unto a point where I can finally trust myself from never pmo'ing AGAIN