1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Willpower is great, but apps are better

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by so_many_regrets, Mar 23, 2021.

Tags:
  1. so_many_regrets

    so_many_regrets New Fapstronaut

    2
    5
    3
    As someone who has struggled to reboot for years, my best advice is to dish out a little bit of money and purchase two apps: Cold Turkey Blocker (for your computer) and Stay Focused (for your android phone). Together, it cost me around $55, but now, I cannot access porn on either device. I can share my settings if you want, but I can assure you that the premium versions of these make it possible to shut down porn on these devices for as long as you want without any ability to override. You cannot turn off, bypass, or uninstall these apps while they are running.

    In addition, I use cleanbrowsing's free DNS service. I also use SAFE browser on my phone.

    Caveats:

    1. The cost. I have never spent any money on software, but considering how much porn has ruined my life, it is definitely worth the price.

    2. Kind of awkward to have porn blocking software on phone and laptop. I try not to use my phone or laptop in front of other people in situations where something might be blocked, but hopefully, I won't be as ashamed going forward.

    3. Losing access to websites sucks. I've made some exceptions in my filter for helpful websites like the subreddit while blocking the rest of reddit, but unfortunately, there are cool websites out there that I will give up until I am better and can use them responsibly.
    Conclusion:

    All this software can feel infantilizing, but honestly, I've wasted too much time with my only defense being willpower and good habits. Reclaim your life!
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2021
    Roady, GoldenDreams and ANewFocus like this.
  2. DGZ

    DGZ Fapstronaut

    180
    263
    63
    When your subconscious has decided it's time to relapse, then that's it. The battle is lost, and you will get around your porn blockers. There's always a way.

    Let's say you could be in two situations, one where a cake is in front of you and one where a foul smelling, molded bread is in front of you. What's the difference between these two? It's that you need willpower to stop yourself from eating the cake, whereas very little willpower is required to stop yourself from eating the molded bread.

    So you need to change your perspective with regard to porn. If you require enormous amounts of willpower to abstain from porn, then you probably lack good enough reasons to stay away from it. See it for the fucking poison it really is. This will completely ruin your life and fuck you over. Do you want the next 20 years to be exactly like the last 10? Because if you don't get your act together, they will be.
     
  3. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

    624
    852
    93
    If only you could like something twice
     
    VergilsVIrtues likes this.
  4. so_many_regrets

    so_many_regrets New Fapstronaut

    2
    5
    3
    Believe me, brother, I want to quit porn deeply, but for some of us, it isn't that easy. Some people are simply more addicted than others. Some people quit cigarettes cold turkey and other people need nicotine patches and other treatments. Some people can quit drinking and other people seek rehab.

    If you have really tried, for years, and you cannot stop, it's a fool's errand to keep trying without a blocker. There really isn't a way around these blockers or at least, even in a frenzy, I have not found a way. I'm happy you have made it as far as you have, but it can be dangerous to leave this battle up to willpower. You wouldn't blame an alcoholic for their lack of willpower or question their desire to stop drinking. Sure, addiction reflects a desire to relapse in the subconscious, but apps can be invaluable in convincing the subconscious to leave porn behind.
     
    Candun and ANewFocus like this.
  5. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

    624
    852
    93
    I think blockers are a great tool and there's pretty much no reason not to have at least a simple blocking method in place. However, with the more advanced "unbeatable" blockers, I think there is a huge potential to become too reliant on something that just isn't sustainable long term. Mindset is always #1 IMO.
     
    k3muthomi likes this.
  6. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

    2,092
    4,010
    143
    How do you develop a mindset where there are no visible and significant external consequences?
     
  7. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

    624
    852
    93
    Not sure I fully understand the question, but when I say mindset I mean getting to the point at which you no longer see PMO as positive in any way, and you have no want or reason to return to it. Basically viewing PMO the same way you view smashing your head against a wall.
     
  8. Blockers are 100% a great aid especially when starting the journey. I have had my phone completely blocked for a couple years. It has saved me a good many times.
     
    CarP likes this.
  9. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

    2,092
    4,010
    143
    How do you get there?
     
  10. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

    624
    852
    93
    I dont think I've completely mastered it yet, but one of the major things that has helped me was learning from Allen Carr's principles on quitting smoking.
    One of his fundamental ideas is that smoking provides 0 benefits, not just that the harms outweigh the positives. Going through many streak/relapse cycles with an increased awareness has led me to believe that P gives absolutely 0 benefits as well. Not even temporary benefits
     
    VergilsVIrtues and ANewFocus like this.
  11. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

    2,092
    4,010
    143
    Interesting approach. Ill think about that and try to reframe my thoughts on PMO providing temporary pleasure.
     
    Candun likes this.
  12. k3muthomi

    k3muthomi Fapstronaut

    57
    58
    18
    I agree with most of the sentiments here. I also believe the idea that its supposed to be blockers vs willpower is false. The idea is to live a life where you use your willpower less. Instead of pushing against the train learn to divert the tracks. And that means you make structural adjustments to your lifestyle. E.g working out and pursuing meaningful goals.
     
  13. VergilsVIrtues

    VergilsVIrtues Fapstronaut

    24
    14
    3
    There are some very interesting thoughts in this post, one of which should be more popularized in the nofap community. The idea that one can see porn use in the same way as bashing ones head against a wall is the correct approach, and quite possible. I had a similar experience reading plato's republic, amongst other philosophy. Such books, which really provide very deep level understanding by using thoroughly articulated reasons can actually change you without you really being aware. In the example with plato's republic one starts to truly believe that a balanced life is the best way to live, and such a belief is much deeper than regular thought, where one can tell themselves that they believe the same thing but do not. Ones actions will tell the truth. I think the same sentiments are true with regard to porn use, although I have not figured out how to truly change the belief that porn is something enjoyable. I will read alan carrs book, but if anyone has any other resources that would provide such an understanding I would be very grateful.
     
    Candun likes this.

Share This Page