Wishing I had no sex drive because it makes me feel like a horrible person

Damn man, I really get this. I feel guilty too, whenever a girl I’m not attracted to hits on me I just want to give her what she wants. But, I just can’t bring myself to do it. That’s life and it’s okay.

 

I've had the same thought before, the women I work with and go to nursing school with don't want me to just lust after them, they want me to love them for who they are, and I want to love them for who they are too. But that desire just gets in the way.
Don't go out with a girl you aren't attracted to, as that'll cause problems... I tried that.
It just is what it is, maybe you will meet someone and you'll be attracted to their character and see how pretty they used to be and realize they are pretty inside and out, and if you think you two can have a beautiful relationship and raise a lovely family, that works!

 

Dang that sucks, as a woman and I really feel for you If all women covered their beauty from the world like Mary did, it wouldn’t be like this. God prescribed for women to cover and men to lower their gaze. We women don’t do our part and that’s what makes it harder for men. The saddest thing is we aren’t even dressing like that for the men, it’s for the girls. We get judged by other women when we dress modestly. I believe in God and my beauty is only for my future husband. I hope that other women can understand and try to dress more modestly.

 

I think that women could be totally nude and men should still be expected to respect them. The reason it’s hard generally for men, speaking as a man, to think of women as people rather than sexual objects is because they have been conditioned by society to think that way. They have been conditioned through social interactions to believe that they are worthy of power and the influence and sex which comes with said power for merely being born with a penis.

It is important that we talk about social conditioning in regards to how men View women when it comes to sex and sexuality so that we understand the true root of the issue. We cannot combat misogyny in this space if we don’t uproot it’s causes and effects. I think it’s good that you’re addressing your issues through god. However, I think that it’s not about men and women doing more on an individual scale, it’s about how we address things within a society. For example, this is a space where people address their porn issues. Porn is a highly misogynistic industry which is rife with sexual assault. But people on this forum have issues with addressing women without fantasizing about them sexually because porn has created a hypersexualized view in their minds of women in particular, some of these people also likely have hypersexuality disorder. It is an issue with how people are socialized and conditioned to behave.

The modesty culture has been tried, it still exists in certain countries, for example in Iran, and the only real effect we see is the large-scale oppression of women. Violence against women, sexual violence against women can be justified by claiming that a woman was immodest at the time of the assault. And state-sanctioned arrest and police brutality against women and their supporters often occurs in these nations.. You can choose individually to be modest, but to force that on other women is not a good idea.

Also, I’m sorry to read your experience about other women treating you poorly for being modest, as well as men treating you poorly when you dress less modestly. That’s not your fault, it goes back to that social conditioning stuff. But, I hope that one day you can feel comfortable in your skin no matter what you’re wearing, that’s what everyone deserves.

 

I didn’t meant to push my beliefs. I should’ve said that was my personal beliefs on the topic. I’ve heard alot of men talking about the male perspective on how they feel when women aren’t dressed modestly and how it makes it harder for them to go to work and focus on their jobs. It makes sense to me and I think about that when I dress for work every morning. I am however comfortable wearing whatever clothes and I do at places where it’s appropriate to but I just choose not to at work and when running errands because naturally I feel the need to be more modest. I’m not really good with my words but you guys should research about how women naturally feel the need to be modest from birth.

 

yeah this reminds of a post where a dude married a girl with cerebral palsey, but they don't have sex anymore and he instead uses massage parlors and porn to fufill his needs. and his wife cries everytime hes about to leave her and the dude feels guilty about it. Your best bet is to litterally don't get into relationships with a partner you arent attracted to as the damage will be greater if you never had a relationship with her at all. Plus theres a bajillion other human males that will probably find that unattractive partner attractive and give them the attention they desire.

 

I think, and please no offense, that it's absurd to feel guilt about this.

The sex drive is made for procreation.

The woman who is attractive looks that way as a signal to men
that she is ready and able to have children.

Men who feel that attraction have the power to provide for
said children, should they materialize.

Women who are not hot and dudes who don't go through what
you are going through are outside of the cycle of
procreation and nurturing of the new ones.

So all men hear that, all men have those thoughts.

Some of these thoughts are about fantasy, some of them are more
about love, and that is what you are trying to express for women.

While most people commend that idea, the sex drive won't listen,
and doesn't give a squat about love.

And you probably also feel bad, even though you didn't say that,
because you wanted to be with a girl who was ugly, but
she rejected you.

And it makes no sense, but the libido says "no" and the woman
says "no" and she stays lonely and so do you.

But here's what i suggest, to no punish yourself with guilt over
thinking and feelings.

Let go of the idea of getting justice on the world for ugly women
by thrashing yourself.

What you can do for yourself and for them is when you see them,
just be friendly.

Ask her what you can do for her. Just have a normal conversation.

If you think weird stuff, just avoid talking about it.

Put a smile on your face and say hi.