Withdrawals from Trans and porn

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Peaceful magic 21, May 14, 2020.

  1. Peaceful magic 21

    Peaceful magic 21 Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I’m really struggling with the withdrawals at the moment( I’m on day 23 not sure how to restart the day counter) All the little things people have said to me over the years that have upset me all seem to be coming to the surface. My addiction has probably stemmed from drug induced mental health Psychosis, learning difficulties, strict parenting, massive grief, bullying. I’m feeling stressed, paranoid, unconfident. But I’m prepared to keep pushing though. I’ve been battling my addiction for 5 years had numerous counsellors. But have only made it to 53 days before hard mode. I’ve escalated from porn to prostitutes to escorts, S and M and then trans escorts and transwoman porn. The later have really messed with my mind and self esteem. My last few acting out experiences with TS’s have been really off putting which is worth remembering and I couldnt go through with the act really other than having oral and pretending it was a chic. I’m obviously in the flatline now and realise I’m going to have good days and bad days but it would be nice to hear people’s recovery stories and how long it took them to get out of this horrible mess with trans fetish. thanks
     
  2. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    Johnthesavage likes this.
  3. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    The Terry Cruz videos have helped a lot also. Find them on YouTube.
    There is also a Tedtalk about porn use and shame. Realizing shame was holding him back from letting his emotions out and processing them was monumental.
    There's a reason your mind took that track. Discovery of what lead you there is important in recovery.
     
  4. Peaceful magic 21

    Peaceful magic 21 Fapstronaut

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  5. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you! He is doing good!
     
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  6. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    What are you doing for self care? I think people focus too much on quitting the problematic behaviors and don't talk nearly enough about the positive supportive behaviors that would help them quit.
     
    frankb71 likes this.
  7. DrabToLight

    DrabToLight Fapstronaut

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    Hi @Peaceful magic 21 ,

    That quote struck me as I read your post. Every one of those things you listed demonstrate a lack of control.

    With the acting out you are describing it looks like you are attempting to exercise control over your own life but, it's not working. If it isn't working, then it is time to move to a better plan.

    It's time to find a therapist that works for you. Don't give up on NoFap. Rebooting works. Also, you might have just not yet found the right therapist. Try to find one that you can work with.
     
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  8. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    Also remember going to a therapist and truely opening up is hard. Even then, a lot of the feelings and emotions are widely accepted as "there's nothing wrong with embracing who you are".
    The issue lies in your core beliefs are at odds with your thoughts and fantasies.
    This cognitive dissonance is a great cause of stress and anxiety
    How open were you in counseling? Did you stick with it and tackle strategies to change behaviors?
    I've always used therapy as a great giant "emotional dumping ground" and think after one or two sessions, wow I'm good now but if you don't find the root of your issues you will come back to addiction to feed that need.
     
  9. Peaceful magic 21

    Peaceful magic 21 Fapstronaut

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    There's a reason your mind took that track. Discovery of what lead you there is important in recovery.[/QUOTE]
    Thanks, I think I wanted an escape from pain. And the intensity of that dark horrible world would distract me from it.
     
  10. Peaceful magic 21

    Peaceful magic 21 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guys. I had a massive victory yesterday. I had a job I was working on printing and the computer was messing up. it had been going on for a few days I was trying to keep patient and find a solution. It finally decided that it wasn’t working at all and it was so frustrating. I’m not the best with technology and it brings up a lot of anger towards myself for being so f..king useless and stupid. All of a sudden that rush and urge to say get online and start searching for a TS escorts flooded in and hit me like a tonne of bricks. It’s self punishment, self harm and soul destroying. But somehow I managed to grab that little hook that was in my brain and realise I didn’t want to do it, I quickly unhooked it. And contacted a computer repair shop who are coming out to me on Monday. Then I packed up and got out of there. I’m really please this morning :)
     
  11. Peaceful magic 21

    Peaceful magic 21 Fapstronaut

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    Last edited: May 16, 2020
  12. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    That's great. You are becoming aware of your feelings. It's a huge step.
     
    Peaceful magic 21 likes this.

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