Women are better ap's?

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by onceaking, Jun 12, 2019.

  1. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    Before anyone says anything let explain why I'm asking this. I've had 5 ap's and all of them have been guys and they've all ghosted me. With my last ap I told him straight off if he wanted to the accountability to end to just tell me and not ghost me but he completely ignored me. I think he may have seen some of the posts I made that he disagreed with and then chose to ignore me because he was offended by what I said. We had different theological beliefs but I never brought my theological beliefs into the conversations but really IDK... I'm just guessing because he never told me anything. With so many ap ghosting me I have really given up on it. I thought maybe ap's aren't for me. But the thought about a female ap came to me. The problem with my ap's has been a lack of communication and maybe maturity. I'm thinking maybe women are generally better at communication and more mature than guys so maybe they're better at accountability.
     
  2. Florida Freedom

    Florida Freedom Fapstronaut

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    sounds like you just need to find the right one. I hate it when people ghost other people...…...it is pretty disrespectful
     
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  3. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    It's probably a fairly common thing to happen online in general these days, because frankly people think of it as just stuff on a computer and not a person on the other end.

    In the past when I've had an AP relationship I've made it known that I think it's best if we at least have voice conversations so there's more of an impression that it's a real person, and I think for it to really work it should be regular checking in and not flake and then when having an urge they reach out and don't even end up really communicating, and maybe relapse.

    To be honest, at this point I don't even think a good AP relationship is enough for the simple reason that not acting out is just the bare minimum, the bottom line as they say but I think we can set the bar at least a little higher in the first place. I would want to work with someone who has some kind of a plan. It can be a simple plan, but just not acting out and having someone to check in with is not really a plan. That's why in any face to face recovery meeting there's an actual program and not just a bunch of people talking.
     
  4. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry you have had trouble connecting with an AP.

    I suspect most people are not looking for a long term commitment- just a traveling companion for the term of a reboot. And if the reboot fails, the AP will be dropped as well. It may be best to go in with this attitude expressed and the terms clearly communicated.

    If the issue is simply that you would like a more reliable arrangement, perhaps multiple accountability partners could work. That way if one ghosts you, you can continue talking to the others.

    Getting back to the idea of a female AP- I don't think this would make your next AP any less likely to ghost you at some point in time. However, were there other reasons this might appeal to you? It would be a different perspective.
     

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