I'm not without blame, and often, I'm more to blame. I wrestled with this constantly, always validating positions and stances based on this "competition" within the relationship. It was a major fuel for my addiction. My wife does it too, often more than I, and in a way some of this back and forth almost resembles that. It wasn't until I realized that I'm accountable for myself, and my wife is accountable for herself, that I changed my view and started working on myself regardless of any "fault" of my wife or unwillingness she showed to change. This is a challenge, but it's also a very healing experience. I think the solution to this issue to find peace and happiness in a marriage can be found when both partners take self accountability, work on themselves, offer grace and forgiveness, love, serve one another, REMOVE addiction, heal resentment, communicate feelings without judgment, offer understanding, etc. I think when we are able to do this in a marriage, it turns into a "team" mentality, where we work together in life to pursue meaning and fulfillment. Rather than use each other for our own reasons. Part of that is fulfilling sexual desires, but it also is quality time, caring for the other person when they are feeling ill, listening when they are stressed, holding 20 shopping bags at the mall while she goes and gets "one more thing", putting the baby to sleep so the other partner can rest, fill in the blank. Without a baseline like that issues are going to come up. And in a lot of ways that's what @hope4healing and @Psalm27:1my light are saying you can't have any of this with a partner addicted to PMO. Period the end.