So this has become a really big topic on my mind and something I feel very strongly about-I'd love to hear your thoughts and I don't mean this to sound defensive at all, I really don't but can probably read that way. I feel like this forum has really helped me come to this and it's something I can really take away something positive, I'm grateful for that. When I first found out my husband of ten years was doing this behind my back and he first lied to my face (honesty was what he has always held as his top priority for himself and anyone in his life, isn't that ironic now.) and then once he had no way out he admitted it and said it was all my fault...which I believed for a little bit because the behavior was so unlike him, it must have been me right? I desperately tried to compete to win him back over from the pornstars... but seriously...it was a losing battle, he's the only person I've ever been with (once we were married), being "one" with someone is all that I needed in my life so I waited until I found that person, that bond is extremely sacred to me but also doesn't give me the experience to compete against paid professionals. So after I got past that stage of blame...I realized the man I fell in love with..mainly because of his confidence...was actually a lie, he didn't have any...he actually has very low self esteem...it became so clear. When I brought this up he actually admitted to that...which I found very astonishing. This is the guy that was the captain of everything, MVP of everything..that guy. when I stood up for myself and said no more, or I'm done, it wasn't me that had low self esteem- it wasn't because I had low self esteem and was jealous, it's actually because I am a very confident person..so confident that I know I'm enough for any man and I would never in a million years sign on to be with someone that needed anything else to get by. I would have ended it immediately if we had been dating or in any other situation because I'm a confident person... but throw in 10 years and 4 kids in the mix and we have ourselves some issues. It's actually the women who tell themselves it's normal and okay, and that guys need that, that have the low self esteem...it's not because they are confident in themselves so they are okay with the men using other women/porn...it's because they don't think they can compete so they just give up and call it normal. Anyway that's just my rant and something I've wanted to share that I have no one else to talk to about..I've come to realize that the stereo type of women having self esteem issues because their men need porn..is definitely not the case but the other way around and a very convenient story that's for sure. Especially for those women with low self esteem... I'd love your thoughts/prospective on this.