Women On Dating Sites Who Just Want To Be Friends

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by 1978, Feb 28, 2019.

  1. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    I see a lot of women on dating sites who say they are looking for friends. Some only want to be friends, whereas others are looking for a long-term romantic relationship but want to start as just friends.

    Now, I have no problem with just being friends with the opposite gender. It's fine if both people are on the same page and have the same expectations.

    But I think when you combine it with dating sites it can potentially cause problems. Specifically I'd like to talk about women who want to be friends first, with the possibility of it developing into something more.

    Again, I'm not saying that a romantic relationship cannot naturally develop out of a friendship. That does happen in life. I just think it can be a problem to deliberately take that approach via online dating.

    When you meet someone new on a date, you usually know rather quickly whether you are physically attracted to them, right? So, to be in a situation where you are with someone you are attracted to, but you are deliberately just being friends for a while first, this seams counter-productive to me.

    Let's take a scenario where a man and women from a dating site meet for the first time. The man is attracted to the woman and wants to date her, but the woman wants to just be friends first and see how it goes. This is a frustrating position for the man to be in, and it's also a bad tactic for the woman to use (if she has any genuine romantic interest in the man).

    Why? Because if those two people are "just friends", that means they're not really dating, so that means the guy can date other women while he's friends with that woman. So, the chances of that woman losing that man to another woman are quite high, don't you think?

    I'm not saying that a woman needs to have sex with a guy on the first date, or even after several dates. She might want to wait a while. That's fine. But don't call it "just friends" if you actually want it to develop into something more. Call it "we're dating but we haven't had sex yet".

    I remember watching a dating advice video where he said that guys who are successful with women are those that are able to look women in the eyes and be like: are you in or out? Are you on board or not? If they are, great, dating can proceed. If they're not, move on. It's as simple as that. Don't let an indicisive or overly-cautious woman waste your time. If she was into you and ready to date then she would date you, it's that simple. If she's not into you or not ready to date, find someone else who is.

    For example, a couple of weeks ago I met up with a woman from Tinder. Our date (as I thought it was) went on for nearly 3 hours and we were getting on really great. But afterwards she texted me to say she was confused that I wanted to kiss her at the end of it. I was left thinking: WHAT? WE MET ON TINDER!

    A woman meets a guy on Tinder and she's surprised when he wants to kiss her at the end of 3 hours of having a great time together? WTF???

    Guy meets attractive woman on Tinder and wants to kiss her. It's hardly the surprise of the century is it!

    She also said that "relationships freak her out". Yeah, maybe chatting to guys on Tinder isn't the best approach for her...
     
    Fucacci likes this.
  2. Fucacci

    Fucacci Fapstronaut

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    Women dont work on logic I'm afraid. They use on metrics of emotions, and those emotions can vary tremendously depending on their mood.
    I do understand your frustration man, some women genuinely makes me lose faith in humanity.
     
    blacksky98, BlueBalls and 1978 like this.
  3. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks.

    Then there are the online time wasters - those who just want to chat but not actually meet up. I think sometimes they just enjoy the ego boost of having multiple men chasing them.

    I had one who I was chatting to for several weeks, and I kept pushing to try to meet up with her. She was always too busy. But then eventually she admitted that she had recently got out of a relationship and wasn't ready for another one. Well why go on Tinder then? Probably just window shopping and wanting an ego boost.
     
    Lilla_My and Fucacci like this.
  4. Capt. U

    Capt. U Fapstronaut

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    It's practice man, on my worst I have dated a woman from an app and literally fucked the first night after watching a movie. She just wanted to sleep with someone and so was I at the time.

    Fast forward a year later, now I'm on a different wave length. I don't really initaite any sexual things on a first date, I also only go for a kiss on the cheek max, if the date went well. I can tell if a woman is into me or not.

    Also, I am avoiding getting into sexting because it can cause a relapse for me.

    Keep at it man, our ancestors depend on us :)
     
    1978 likes this.
  5. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    I don't think using a dating site to look for 'friends' is a particularly good idea, I tend to avoid messaging women who have that in their profile. I am not sure there are many men on these sites on the same wavelength. Also there's the whole getting friend-zoned thing, which is particularly irritating if you are into someone.

    I think there are probably more appropriate sites to look for 'friends' than the likes of POF and Tinder. However the cynical part of my mind can't help but wonder whether putting 'friends' as your intent is a defensive mechanism and that if 'Mr Perfect' was to happen to message, they'd quite happily jump into his bed.
     
    1978 likes this.
  6. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    Some women like to keep a large pool of potential suitors, individuals she can turn down if something better comes along, or revisit when it doesn't go as planned with her preferred love interests.

    As a woman, I find the concept of going on dating sites to look for heterosexual male friends extremely odd to say the least.
     
    Fucacci, 1978 and SpoonDog like this.
  7. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    Definitely. The majority of conversations I have with women online stop suddenly, even when it seems to be going well, which I suspect is because someone ‘better’ comes along.

    But then if I received a regular stream of messages, I would probably be more picky on the basis that there is a high probability that eventually, one I really like comes along.
     
  8. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    This particular woman I had the 3 hour date with was from another country, and had not been in the country for very long, so I think she was keen to make new friends. But Tinder is really not the way to do that. Guys go on Tinder to hook up or to date, not to make friends. You want new friends? Join Meetup groups. There's loads of them. Or use Facebook to chat to the friends of your friends.

    If a heterosexual guy spends 3 hours with a woman, it means he's interested in her physically. There's no way round that. I'm not going to spend 3 hours 1-on-1 with a woman I've never met before unless I think there's a chance it might lead to something physical eventually.
     
    SpoonDog likes this.
  9. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    By the way, I'm just a few hours away from reaching the 2-week mark. Go me! :emoji_grinning:
     
    Capt. U likes this.
  10. Woodcutter74

    Woodcutter74 Fapstronaut

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    It is quite possible that women on dating sites are testing men when saying they just want to be friends first....

    We have to remember that dating sites such as Tinder, are meat markets. Some women are there for casual sex, others because their relationship with boyfriend or spouse is turning sour, some just got out of a bad relationship and some just want to meet new people.

    So when a woman says she wants to be friends first, she's probably trying to test a guy in order to see if he's only interested in sleeping with her or is interested in getting to know her. I have met some girls on Tinder where it just was just friends, but what was interesting is I got an insight of their past on dating sites and that somewhat help me to meet more interesting women afterwards....
     

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