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women

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by SlayerofDarkness, Feb 15, 2021.

  1. brassknucks

    brassknucks Fapstronaut

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    You're asking if you can be in their world, when you should be suggesting she be in yours. If you treat her like a celebrity, she'll treat you like a fan.
     
  2. This. That's it, end of thread.

    I imagine it's not the best feeling when you suspect that someone is only talking to you because they want something from you.

    OP, maybe put yourself in the woman's perspective. Not trying to shame you or anything. But it's not a mathematical game of "what words do I say to make people like me?" That, in my opinion, is missing the point.

    Attraction works differently between men and women. I can look at a crowd of people and immediately identify all the attractive women without even thinking. I would give them all a shot if they came up to me. Women don't quite think that way. I'm not sure how they develop attraction, but it's different from what I just described.
     
    Abzu, _wallflower_, kropo82 and 3 others like this.
  3. To be honest, I don't think I am representative of how women's attraction works. I never had a relationship until I was 22 when I met my boyfriend in a random Steam group chat. I just think that wanting a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend is not a healthy mindset. Or at least it won't make for a fulfilling, long lasting relationship. I know that addicts often use porn as a substitute for physical affection and intimacy. But any random attractive woman isn't going to satisfy that need. Your girlfriend should be like your best friend. Someone you can hang out with and enjoy spending time together, someone you can relate to and trust. Of course, physical attraction is important too. But that alone will not make a relationship work. But honestly, I don't know how I would have found my boyfriend if it wasn't for the internet/Steam. So I think what works for me is just a combination of having social anxiety and being picky with people in general. Obviously people have dated before the internet/dating websites/apps. Obviously there are many happy couples that don't need to game together and share memes in order to love each other. I guess romantic attraction is not necessarily dependent on having the same hobbies or interests (something called 'homophily'), but.. there must be some kind of emotional connection? Then again, they also say that 'opposites attract'. Some couples got together as co-workers, some actually met randomly at a nightclub/bar. Some people try casual dating for years and never meet anyone they have any chemistry with. I think there really isn't a 'recipe' or 'formula' for attraction, like you said. Either people take a chance, actively or passively, and get to know someone they know nothing about without any expectations and the attraction might just randomly be there. Or they go more 'systematic' about it, like finding someone related to their hobbies/interests/values etc. Either way, at least on the level that the OP is describing, I think that is too random of a context and 'forced' for any woman, not only for me.
     
    CarP likes this.
  4. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    Is it not quite sad that wanting to talk to and get to know a stranger is seen as weird yet it's seemingly fine to do it through online/social media?
     
    Redemptionyear21 likes this.
  5. palindromo

    palindromo Fapstronaut

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    To be able to talk with them you have to make people curious or get noticed,
    I don't see anything sad about it . These are just the rules of the game
     
  6. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    Whether you approach a girl you don't know on the street or online it's essentially the same thing is it not? I just don't really see why if you do it in real life it's all "oh no, that's a bit weird", yet you do it through some bullshit social media platform then that's perfectly fine.
     
  7. It looks like she's not interested in you. Generally speaking when a woman gives you short answers and not much details with those answers, she's not interested in having a conversation with you. Some woman have a hard time saying no or worry what your reaction will be if you say no. They avoid this risk by either giving you a fake number or a real number and not respond to you. The best thing to do before you ask for their number is politely exiting the conversation and find a woman that is interested in you. Trust me, if a woman likes you, there is no mystery and it'll be so painfully obvious. Good luck and hope you find someone awesome
     
  8. Scenario 1: doesn't want to make you sad but isn't interested
    Scenario 2: has a boyfriend or just wants to avoid you
    Scenario 3: just not interested

    I would feel weird if a guy just went up to me and started making moves

    also I know you may not like what I'm about to say but you're probably unatractive (wich can be changed with hitting the gym and shaving so don't lose hope)
     
    Mixolydian likes this.
  9. @SlayerofDarkness OP, while a lot of the advice here is good, it's these three posts specifically that hit the root of your problem. It's not necessarily you, it's the way you're attempting to get these girls. I've done the cold approach method myself and failed every time because, after reading on it a lot, I read that a lot of women don't like being approached like that because it feels like you want them purely for their looks. Put yourself in their shoes, you approaching her was unexpected and you're unknown to her. In that light, it's not hard to understand at all.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2021
    AngelofDarkness likes this.
  10. That's not even close to the same thing. By communicating online, you get to safely get to know the person without a lot of risk or time investment with the ease of use option of cutting off communication/turning them down without fear of an in-person negative reaction. People that usually get together in real life, most of the time, still knew the person they agreed to date, like a friend, friend of a friend, a classmate, a co-worker, etc.
     
  11. Yeah I completely agree that long-term relationships require some emotional connection. And I agree that romantic partners should get along as friends would (think Jim and Pam from The Office). What I wanted to point out was that in my case, and probably that of most men, the woman's physical attractiveness is the first thing I will ever notice or care about. After spending time together and discovering her personality, other types of attraction develop. For example, I am highly attracted to confident and emotionally mature women, or women who don't remind me of my mom. But these are traits that I don't know about or care about when I first develop interest in a girl. I would never try to definitively state what causes people to be attracted to each other, or that it can even be modelled as a "recipe", because that is outside my area of expertise. But psychology strongly suggests that guys do not require much from girls beyond physical beauty in order to begin pursuing them romantically. Conversely, women tend to more selective and generally do not develop romantic interest based on a single trait. That is important to know for people who want to cold approach or do pick-up (and btw, I don't support or encourage cold approaching or pick-up). A lot of men project their ideas about attractiveness onto women, but I believe this is unjustified and often results in confusion or disappointment.
     
    Mixolydian and AngelofDarkness like this.
  12. PanteriMauzer

    PanteriMauzer Fapstronaut

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    Say something stupid or unexpected, they love that

    That type of conversation its tol mucb perdoctable and too mucb boring
     
  13. _wallflower_

    _wallflower_ New Fapstronaut

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    You're not doing anything wrong... not every woman is looking for a man at every moment. I don't see how that makes them confusing.
     
  14. _wallflower_

    _wallflower_ New Fapstronaut

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    He's not wanting to talk to someone and get to know them. He wants to ask them out, or perhaps sleep with them. Those are pretty different.
     
  15. _wallflower_

    _wallflower_ New Fapstronaut

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    Yep. All of this. Well said.
     
  16. Changeforthebest

    Changeforthebest Fapstronaut

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    Please guys I find myself thinking about ex’s. Girls I know I really don’t anything serious with even tho I want to have sex with them sometimes which I know is my mind trying to trick me into loosing my confidence. I need help guys
     
  17. CharlieWex

    CharlieWex Fapstronaut

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    Have you tried meeting girls online? Personally, it helped me to meet my current girlfriend.It is one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I have met my love and there is no limit to my joy. I want to tell you that before we met, I thought those girls on dating sites, it was all a scam. I think everyone should try it and not be afraid, mail order brides are a very good option. These online dating sites give you the chance to meet nice people. If anything, this site might help you https://inter.dating/mail-order-brides .
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2021

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