Word of advice on avoiding loneliness

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Deleted Account, Nov 4, 2015.

  1. I'd like to take the opportunity and share my words of wisdom with everybody who is interested :)
    (there is a good chance that you will find nothing of it helpful at all).

    If you want to avoid being lonely you have to be social.
    What sounds logical at first, is not that easy - because otherwise many of us would not be here.
    What I mean is, that if you want to get a girlfriend, you have to have friends and a lot of people you can (and want to) spend time together.
    Sure, the picture of the lone male warrior, who does not give a crap about anything or anybody but himself and still gets the girls he wants, sounds appealing to every man (because the media depicts it like it would be the ultimate goal to achieve). But let's be honest: how many guys do you really know who are like this? Not too many I guess.
    Therefore it is way easier to find a girl if you know a lot of people. Because friends have friends and they have friends….I think you get the point. And the more people you know, the bigger the chance, that among them there you can find a girl that you find interesting and who is also interested in you. It is simple maths :)

    Of course there is still the other way, of going out in a club and start talking to random girls. But first of all: it is not that easy (especially when you are not used to talking to girls, which brings us back to the "having a lot of friends" - thing).
    And secondly: I think that most girls go out with the main goal in mind to have fun. But their definition of fun is most likely not to talk to strangers. They prefer to have a good time with the people they already know.
    I know that it is not impossible to go out and "pick up" girls, but I consider it as rather difficult.

    To be social you have to become the best possible you. Self improvement is the key, because by improving yourself your confidence is going to rise and people are going to notice. You could also act self-confident - but that would be fake, and people would also notice (consciously our subconsciously).

    But who am I to tell? Or better: why am I still single, if I think I know how to get to know girls?

    Good question.

    I "blame" girl 1 and girl 2 (well, actually I do not blame anybody but myself).
    I met girl 1 in 1999 and we had regular contact for 11 years. During that time we were together 3 times and always stayed close friends between these relationships, even tough we both had other partners from time to time. And every time I met a girl I compared the new girl to her.
    In 2010 she decided to move to the other side of the world. Literally.

    I also moved, but only to a bigger town, but I stayed in the same country. The important thing is that I did not only lose girl 1, but I also left all my friends and pretty much all social connections I built up in 29 years behind.
    Approximately one year later I met girl 2, and I really thought she could be the next one. But only a couple of month before we met, she met her boyfriend (with whom she is still together).
    So for the last 4 years I was always making up my mind about girl 2 (probably because I needed a replacement for girl 1). The fact that we shared time together at least twice a week and got along really well, was not really helpful.
    But our life circumstances brought our regular meetings to an abrupt halt just some months ago.
    And that was the time when it hit me: I was wasting my precious time. Instead of focusing on myself I focused on something unachievable. Probably just because I did not want to deal with my problems.
    But now I am on a good way.
    I work out 3 times a week (every session 40 - 45 minutes).
    I study business economics.
    I have a good job (secure and not stressful at all).
    I do not watch TV (I don't even own a TV set), which makes avoiding triggers way easier, because all TV and movies are very sexualized (sex sells).
    I do not masturbate (I do not count the days because I try not to think about it).
    I started to pay attention to the way I dress.
    I eat healthy (e.g. I avoid fast food but I do not count calories).

    I am aware that I have not achieved anything so far, but I think that the path you choose defines who you become one day, and if I feel that I am on the right way, the outcome can only be good.

    And even if nothing of that made sense to anybody, it still felt good to write it down and to share it.

    Thanks for reading.

    I wish you all the best.
     
    Yesodi, Deleted Account and PsyMon like this.
  2. taqwa

    taqwa Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing. You are on the right track. Frequent the places that you would expect to find a partner that is similar to you. If you continue on your pathway, you are sure to attract a beautiful partner. I wish you tremendous success. Stay strong. Continue along your pattern and things will improve. I have no doubt. Victory!
     
  3. Thank you for your kind words.
    And at the moment I do not see any reason, why I would not keep on going likes this. But there are still things left to improve (e.g. social skills), and I am sure there always will be.
    I wish you all the best too.
     

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