sweetnyc
Fapstronaut
I joined NoFap today, and I'm pretty confident that rebooting is the solution to about 90% of the things plaguing me right now. But one remains, and that's my nagging anxiety about the consequences of what I've already done.
I've had a lot of cam sex/phone sex/text sex with random strangers on the internet. I've sent people photos of my naked body, at first all without my face to identify me but then, with some partners, I included my face. I filmed my PMO and sent it to complete strangers, none of whom knew my name but with my face and voice clear enough that anyone who knew me would recognize me. I never knew any of these men well enough that I could track them down now, much less trust that my photos will remain private to them.
Even if I reboot successfully, find the peace I'm seeking, heal my relationships and move forward happily in my life, I am terrified that someday, somehow, those photos and videos will find me and ruin my life. I doubt that I'll someday be a high-powered politician or celeb, but it's possible! And I feel like I won't aim for my highest accomplishments because it will make me vulnerable to attack from people who, somehow, will figure out that they have this leverage over me.
Are these anxieties unreasonable? Am I worrying about nothing? Some of the thoughts I use to placate myself are:
I've had a lot of cam sex/phone sex/text sex with random strangers on the internet. I've sent people photos of my naked body, at first all without my face to identify me but then, with some partners, I included my face. I filmed my PMO and sent it to complete strangers, none of whom knew my name but with my face and voice clear enough that anyone who knew me would recognize me. I never knew any of these men well enough that I could track them down now, much less trust that my photos will remain private to them.
Even if I reboot successfully, find the peace I'm seeking, heal my relationships and move forward happily in my life, I am terrified that someday, somehow, those photos and videos will find me and ruin my life. I doubt that I'll someday be a high-powered politician or celeb, but it's possible! And I feel like I won't aim for my highest accomplishments because it will make me vulnerable to attack from people who, somehow, will figure out that they have this leverage over me.
Are these anxieties unreasonable? Am I worrying about nothing? Some of the thoughts I use to placate myself are:
- Realistically, these men are not saving this content. They'll move on to other women, photos, and porn and my stuff will get deleted and forgotten.
- If, for some reason, someone was able to connect me to this stuff decades down the line, I'd be able to reasonably admit to the fact that I was/am a sex addict, and I sought help and found recovery. In theory, by that point I'd be so far into my recovery that I'd be surrounded by healthy relationships and happiness that would protect me from harm from my past.
What do you think?- If, for some reason, someone was able to connect me to this stuff decades down the line, I'd be able to reasonably admit to the fact that I was/am a sex addict, and I sought help and found recovery. In theory, by that point I'd be so far into my recovery that I'd be surrounded by healthy relationships and happiness that would protect me from harm from my past.