34 year old male addict from maybe as young as 14-16, I stopped in September, this time for good, sometimes I will get the subtle urge however I feel good about it and I will never ever return to it.
Since I have stopped I've been thinking my mental health is really fragile, I feel vulnerable and depressed, I feel like I'm coping but if something were to go wrong in my life then I could easily go downhill. The quicker the day goes for me from 9-5 in work the better, if the week goes fast even better, I find myself crying out of the blue. I had a breakdown in work where I just could not take anymore stress, my manager sorted the situation but it took me 48 hours of anxiety to feel back to normal. Throughout my life I've been saying I just don't know what I want to do for work.. I work from home on the phones for a bank. The only way I see myself feeling better with work is to have my own business but the overwhelming feeling I get just thinking about it is unsettling and I am clueless as to what I would do.. It's embarrassing for me to admit this but I often just wish someone wealthy would pity me and sort me out financially or that I win the lottery, and I truly believe that i will be happier with money, otherwise I just view the rest of my life and a depressive struggle. If you were to see me face to face you wouldn't know I was depressed, I.e my parents don't know about my struggles, I do a good job and putting a front on.
Sorry about the long speech, feel good to get it off my chest
Lots of love, good luck to anyone who might be in a similar situation.
Since I have stopped I've been thinking my mental health is really fragile, I feel vulnerable and depressed, I feel like I'm coping but if something were to go wrong in my life then I could easily go downhill. The quicker the day goes for me from 9-5 in work the better, if the week goes fast even better, I find myself crying out of the blue. I had a breakdown in work where I just could not take anymore stress, my manager sorted the situation but it took me 48 hours of anxiety to feel back to normal. Throughout my life I've been saying I just don't know what I want to do for work.. I work from home on the phones for a bank. The only way I see myself feeling better with work is to have my own business but the overwhelming feeling I get just thinking about it is unsettling and I am clueless as to what I would do.. It's embarrassing for me to admit this but I often just wish someone wealthy would pity me and sort me out financially or that I win the lottery, and I truly believe that i will be happier with money, otherwise I just view the rest of my life and a depressive struggle. If you were to see me face to face you wouldn't know I was depressed, I.e my parents don't know about my struggles, I do a good job and putting a front on.
Sorry about the long speech, feel good to get it off my chest
Lots of love, good luck to anyone who might be in a similar situation.
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