Worried GF isn’t over her ex

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by GripStrength, Dec 18, 2020.

  1. GripStrength

    GripStrength Fapstronaut

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    Well been looking at google. And now I’m worried my gf isn’t over her ex. I always felt like that because of things. But now I’m like damn, cause everyone on google is like. Break up it will never work. I obviously don’t want to be believe that. But it’d be nice to know he’s out of the picture for good!

    She does things like compare me to him like I’m way better in all of the ways. Which is nice I guess. But google now says that that is a sign she isn’t over him and trying to convince herself she is. Feels not so nice now.

    One time I was like wanna go to guitar centre as we drove by and she said flat no. And I could tell why. Something to do with her ex. And she said wanna know why? And I said no. And she said cause my ex always asked to go there every time we drove by. This made me feel like shit tbh. And like wow he was probably so much better than me at guitar.

    Also he lived in Texas than Colorado. Anytime she says or hears either of those places she does this thing like fuck those places! And I go in my head yeah you’re not over him.

    I ask and she says yes 100 percent fuck that guy. But I ask again and she says I only ever think how much better you are...

    Should I listen to google or what on this one? Should I think it’s nice she’s thinking how much better I am, or should I take it how google says and see it as her trying to convince herself of this? I dunno tbh. We’ve been together almost an entire year coming up in January. But she was with her ex almost 10. Does she just need longer? Will it ever stop? I dunno. Find out in the next episode of Dragon. Ball. Z!
     
  2. I don't know much about relationships but I think you should ask questions about this situation and be supportive of it and give time to overcome it.
     
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  3. GripStrength

    GripStrength Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I do. But she is very defensive in general and not very open in general. She was more open in the beginning but not as much now. Must have talked too much or something.
     
  4. Mauritius

    Mauritius Fapstronaut

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    I'm not great at relationship advice but when I have a headache google tells me that I have a brain tumor.

    So just don't rely solely on google for this one. Maybe she needs more time, I don't know but just leave google out of this. Cheers
     
  5. GripStrength

    GripStrength Fapstronaut

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    This sounds like good advice
     
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  6. SickSicko

    SickSicko Fapstronaut

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    That made me chuckle not gonna lie.

    That's just paranoia mate, she probably just doesn't want to be in a place that brings her memories or where you two may meet accidentally creating an awkward situation.

    Don't overthink it, she is with you now, asking and asking will show her that you are thinking about him equally or more than her, that's an insecurity signal in my book.

    That's why she may be trying to comfort you with all the "you are so muuch better"....
    Wich is an obvious thing to her, if not she would be with him or someone else, and not with you.

    I would be wary though of any suspicious behaviour anyways for the time being, not paranoid, just a bit wary, and keeping it to yourself of course.
     
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  7. ThePeakWae

    ThePeakWae Fapstronaut

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    Bro, you should make a "Better Bachelor" test on her, set some test boundaries, if she breaks them, she's out.

    Things like: Is she texting and hiding her phone right away and not letting me see what she's texting, while if I do the same thing she'll want to know what I'm texting
    -Is she paranoid?
    -Is she using the "you can sleep on the couch tonight" to exert power over you, if you talk back on her.
    -Is she having guy friends and hanging with them behind your back.
    -Does she lie?
    -Is she into SJW stuff? If she's she can start paying for her meals.

    That said, this Ex talk of hers, sounds like she's having some "butterfly feels" issues, it's lose-lose eitherway, if you cant fix her, or even if you fix her, you are still going to be in a position where she can dump you, so she has to fix herself and then be ok with remaining with you, if you arent her "fallback guy" you should be fine, but if you are you can easily become her next Ex, dont cohabitate with her until she fixes herself thats my advice, if you are already cohabitating, you are going to have to navigate that landmine on your own, learning some psychology could work.
     
  8. skybrowser

    skybrowser Fapstronaut

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    I don't want to make you pessimistic but for her to be so adamant about avoiding certain places and bringing him up from time to time could suggest that she isn't fully over him; 10 years is a very long time.

    I do believe that she is into you, it's not as if she is putting you down when she makes the comparison but the fact that is compares would be disconcerting to me. What I can think of is therapy, whether solo therapy for her or couples therapy if you can afford it.
     
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  9. blacklabel92

    blacklabel92 Fapstronaut

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    Could be, when you think about it if she was totally contempt in her relationship with you her ex's name shouldnt even be coming out her mouth.. Try being more spontaneous.. Take her on mini trips and vacations.. Giving her new experiences is sure to clear up her thinking about her bf

    Yeah.. Me too.. I would have went anyway and been like "too bad."
     
  10. GripStrength

    GripStrength Fapstronaut

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    yeah I do do that all the time. And I’m always trying to get her to break out and be wild with me and stuff. But I can see something in her drift away at times. And sometimes it’s her apparently thinking how much better I am than her ex. So might just need a bit more time before that stops. I guess 10 years is a long relationship.
     
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2020
  11. GripStrength

    GripStrength Fapstronaut

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    she was lying a bit at first but totally turned that all around cause I have trust issues in general, and also extremely skilled at detecting deception. Apparently no one ever taught her not to lie. Just about silly things or about who she was before etc. I’m guessing either shame or embarrassment even though I’d comfort her saying that it won’t effect how I see her and all that. But it’s been all good for over half a year with that stuff. We’re completely open. And I can go on any of her messages if I want, but I know she isn’t talking to anyone else. Has her ex blocked and all that even on text. She realizes that lying to me in general is going to take awhile for me to fully get over and is completely sticking around and not doing anything like that anymore. And she definitely was never talking to anyone else since I’ve made it official. So it’s not really like that. She is like me where we pay literally no attention to social or political things. Just in our own world. She also completely listens to my ideas on things and agrees with me on things and has changed some of her perspectives to mine basically. I don’t think to just try to be like me but rather because she listens to why I believe things and just agrees. Even with sex and stuff. I feel pretty strongly about it being something special and intimate, when before her ex was basically the opposite and she was too. I still worry, because of the thinking of him sometimes with the comparing me to be better, if that’s still in her. And also feel bad sometimes like I ruined something for her. But she says it’s completely out and turns her off thinking about raunchy stuff now, as well as tells me I didn’t ruin anything for her, she prefers how we make love. All in all, I think she would be a very good wife. And I think it will just take a bit more time to not think about her ex at all, even if thinking I’m way better or whatever.
     
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2020
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