Worst hocd

After sometime the mind will start rationalising our fetishes from porn addiction. That is how serial killers and rapeist are made. Yours too it started.
I am having hocd and cuckold mindset. I am also fed up with my hocd. The first thing you have to do is stop relpsing. I started and i will no longer relapse again.
Now here, you are overthinking and also in fear, so brain will always switch to relapse mode to calm you down. So you have to stop this mental chaos. If you relapse again you will become more and more hocd and recovery become more difficult so stop it now.

 

Ummm, any thoughts that you might actually be gay? Or bi? There’s nothing wrong with that you know. It seems troubling to me that this site seems to promote anything other than straight, vanilla sexuality is somehow a deviant side effect of porn. That’s wrong. You may very well just be gay. Might not be what you want to hear, but think about it.

 

It's okay man, you'll get through this. The most important thing to realise with OCD is that your thoughts are not you. Also, this nasty thing, OCD, will impose on you thoughts that you think are repulsive. Here it's the thought of being homosexual, maybe it would help you tremendously to realise that's it's perfectly okay to be homosexual (and that you are likely not, again, your compulsive thoughts do not define who or what you are). Of course it's easy to say but not easy to realise so here's another "tip" :
When a "crisis" arises, repeat to yourself "the intense fear I'm feeling right now, it will pass, no matter it's intensity, eventually it will go away".

Learn to tame your fear when it comes, learn to look it in the eye and say to it "I know what you're trying to do, make me afraid of being a homosexual, I accept that you are trying to do this but it won't work and I won't even fight you". Because the fact is, with OCD, the more you try to avoid a specific thought, the more it will impose itself on you.

Those are a few coping mechanism that a psychologist gave me in a brochure, I might have it and I think it is in English, if you want it.

I believe (meaning I'm not a professional) OCD is treated with confrontation in small dosage. For instance, if someone's really afraid of elevators, it would be very beneficial for them to be far from said elevator but still see it and realise it's not that scary. Little by little the person can get closer and after some time the fear should go away.

 

Also, are you currently trying to abstain from porn?
Porn addiction often leads to seeking more and more extreme porn (violent, humiliating for instance). Chances are, if you stop even for a week or two, you won't need the violence so much (at first anyway, but the escalade is always here). I would really advise you to practice NoFap even for just a week because you're having suicidal thoughts and watching something as violent as this kind of porn likely has an impact on this.

This is one of the reasons I decided to stop porn myself, watching girls be humiliated, violented like this, it's just a horrible feeling to get off on that and I really think such content should be illegal.

 

You dont have to kill yourself ive had hocd for 2 years now. I will give you some advice, if you want to get better and normal it is your choice to do these things.

Quit porn completely. Dont watch the thing that is causes so much damage and ruins peoples brains.

When ocd thoughts come in, disregard and pay absolutely zero attention to them, NO MATTER HOW THEY FEEL OR WHAT THEY SAY, do not engage with the thoughts. Completely ignore them and do whatever thing you were doing before. Once this becomes a habit and you just focus on living your life, slowly they will fade away and disappear. Dont look for reassurance at all and dont engage with the thoughts.

Good luck man, you got this