Worst things you can do while rebooting (tier list)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Rebootman123, Sep 10, 2021.

  1. Rebootman123

    Rebootman123 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    I decided to come up with a list of the worst things you can do while rebooting, and arrange them into a tier list. Feel free to come up with your own - it’s a great way to properly articulate your boundaries and have some fun in the process!

    S tier = the worst things; C tier = things that are bad but not that bad.

    S Tier

    • Peeking: watching P to “test yourself”. Don’t do it. Enough said.
    • Edging: I consider this to be a mini-relapse personally. Not as bad as going all the way, but still, pretty bad.
    • Dating apps: myself and many others have found this to be a huge trigger. In fact, my last two relapses were caused by using these apps. Not only are there tons of photos of women on there which, let’s say, aren’t always the most prudish photos, it will also cause considerable sexual frustration. You’ll see all these women and wish that you’ll match with them. I also think that dating apps mess with your dopamine system - they make you obsess over getting as many matches as possible. Definitely a no go if you’re in the process of rebooting. Find better ways of meeting women instead.
    • Uncontrolled internet use: by this I mean spending hours and hours on end going through social media, scrolling news, just generally mindlessly using the internet. It’s unproductive, and it can trigger a relapse. If you find yourself chasing random shit on the internet, looking for something more entertaining than the last thing you saw, then you may well end up at a tube site. Control your internet use. Delete social media accounts if you have to. I personally got rid of Instagram since it was too triggering.
    • Not dealing with stress: many guys have used P and M as ways of relieving stress. If you allow the stress to pile on too much, that part of your brain that tells you to do P/M/O will tempt you, giving you a way of getting rid of the stress. And of course, as you guys probably know, PMO can temporarily relieve stress. But it will mess your life up in so many ways too. Find alternative, healthy ways of relieving stress. Talk to a trusted friend. Go for a walk/drive. Do some exercise. There are plenty of ways to deal with it. And it’s important that you do, since stress can make you irrational, increasing the chances of relapse.
    • Not investing time into your reboot: unfortunately, once you’re at a certain point in your addiction, it simply becomes impossible to be able to say “I’m not doing PMO anymore” and be able to follow through with that, without taking active measures to help you in your reboot. It sounds counterintuitive, but not fapping isn’t just an omission to do something (i.e. to stop fapping). It’s an active process that requires you to engage. That means things like minimising your triggers, building mental strength to deal with urges when they arrive, developing alternative ways of dealing with negative emotion, etc.
    • Not knowing your end-game: unless you’re specifically aiming for permanent semen retention (and you should be aware of the benefits/risks of doing that!), then you really need to think about what your end strategy is. Without it, you just won’t have any vision as to what you’re doing with NoFap, and this will make you see rebooting as an on, off kind of thing. Make a roadmap for yourself. I’ve personally heard that it takes PMO addicts around 2 years to fully recover (i.e. stop having urges to watch P). Are you going to go hard mode during that time? Why? Do you think that you can M in moderation after a certain period (e.g. 90 days)? Personally, I’m aiming to get to two years without P or M. After that, I’m definitely not going back to P (I’ve heard from coaches that out of the 1000s of clients they’ve worked with, none of them could ever go back to P and use it moderately), and probably not back to M, either, but that’s a decision I’ll have to make at the time. I’m sure there will be some slips along the way, but my main goal is to avoid P at all costs. Make a roadmap for yourself. Expect the best but do be prepared to accept the possibility of slips along the way.
    A Tier:

    • Going it alone: if you have been trying to do this alone for about a year or so, and haven’t got any real results, then it’s time to think about joining a support group, getting 1 on 1 coaching, etc. This is where I’m at at the moment. I think that my knowledge of rebooting, and my understanding of how important it is, is reasonably good. But my main issue has been implementing that knowledge, and for that I need some accountability and support from others. If you’re in a similar situation, realise that there’s no shame in seeking out help. It’s much better to do that, than to allow this addiction to get worse and worse over time.
    • Alcohol: alcohol weakens your self control and makes you more irrational, making it more likely for you to give in to stupid impulses like doing PMO. I think it’s ok in moderation, but I personally won’t have more than 2 drinks per night anymore. Context is also important - I wouldn’t drink alone!
    • Relying on willpower instead of systems: unfortunately, our willpower is finite. It’s a very useful tool, no question, but you can’t will yourself to do absolutely anything all of the time. Hence why nearly no one can work for 20 hours a day straight, without any breaks. I’ve personally tried to rely too much on willpower, using things like forcing myself to read out a list of rules for myself twice every day, for like an hour per session. It quickly became a chore, and wasn’t effective. I relapsed many times in spite of all that effort, simply because it drained my energy and I couldn’t do it consistently. You do need to develop good habits in order to stay consistent, but make sure the habits you choose are efficient (i.e. don’t take too much effort but are effective), and ideally enjoyable. I personally enjoy going on these forums for a bit of time every day day, and so far I’ve found it effective in maintaining my motivation. Being part of a community also really helps. Another example of an effective habit is keeping your phone out of your bedroom. Many relapses happen when you’re scrolling your phone in bed in the morning or at night. It takes zero effort to keep your phone somewhere else in the house, but it has a very significant effect. Creating a system of efficient habits is a key part of rebooting. And make sure you take time to relax during the day - you can’t expect to do 10 cold showers, 10 hours of studying and 10 hours of physical exercise every day on a consistent basis! You’ll end up feeling burned out and more likely to slip. Stay productive, obviously, but take time to unwind when you really need it.
    B Tier

    • Video games: perhaps a controversial one, but I find that playing any kind of video game is a big trigger. It almost always puts me in a “dopamine chasing” frame of mind, keeping me in search of another dopamine hit. This, of course, can lead to PMO use, and it has for me in the past. At the very least it’s definitely a good idea to moderate your play time.
    • Faults-based mindset: what I mean by this is when you’re very focused on how things lacking in your life. Now, this can be useful in moderation, since it allows you to actually identify your areas of weakness and motivates you to work on them. However, if you don’t recognise your areas of achievement as well, you’ll be stuck with a lack of self-confidence. If you never recognise your wins, you’ll think yourself as a failure, and that you “might as well relapse anyway”. Make sure you acknowledge your achievements properly. Don’t focus on areas you’re lacking in all the time. Take time to just relax and enjoy life rather than constantly stressing!
    C tier

    • Not getting enough sleep: if you’re in recovery, don’t be ashamed if you have a few extra hours in bed. It can be a tiring process! Plus, if you’re tired, it makes you more irrational, and therefore prone to giving in to PMO impulses. But one night of bad sleep won’t wreck your reboot, hence why this is in the C tier. Find the amount of sleep that works for you.
    • Seeing rebooting as a “challenge”: I personally don’t think that NoFap should be seen as a challenge. I think too many guys focus too much on their day count, and getting the ‘perfect’ streak, rather than the most important thing - overcoming PMO addiction. Day counting can help for tracking progress. But it can also be quite harmful, since it gives the impression that any relapse completely sets you back. It doesn’t. One slip will not put you back to square one. You’ll have learned a lot about yourself during the streak, and if you don’t binge, your brain chemistry will still have made some progress. Furthermore, viewing NoFap as a challenge makes it seem much less serious than it actually is. This isn’t something that PMO addicts do because they want to impress their friends. They do it because they know how harmful PMO is for them, and that their lives would be so much better without it. I’m also quite skeptical about the focus on “superpowers”. Obviously NoFap comes with its own benefits, but its main importance is that it stops people from experiencing the negatives of P and M addiction. This idea of “superpowers” creates unrealistic expectations, which can lead to people being frustrated and relapsing if they get to a certain number of days and their lives aren’t 100% perfect. However, I only put this in the C list since I can see how many people use the idea of NoFap being a “challenge” to motivate them.

    This post was way longer than expected, but hopefully it’s informative!
     
    uGes, Candun, Bodhidharman and 8 others like this.
  2. CodeTalker

    CodeTalker Fapstronaut

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    I would say edging is worse than a relapse.
     
    Candun, Bodhidharman and Rebootman123 like this.
  3. PegasusKid

    PegasusKid Fapstronaut

    Great post. I can understand why you put seeing nofap as a challenge at C, because for some it helps and for some its harmful as you said. Wherever you put it though, its something that I think is really important but isn't really talked about a lot and its why you see so many posts of people going on pretty good streaks but still feeling like shit because they slipped up once and I feel like seeing it as a challenge implies its always gonna be a struggle but I feel like the entire point is to feel liberated from porn, not feel like you're in a constant battle with it. I would probably put video games at C or maybe even below that, but I play video games myself so maybe I'm biased in saying for me it was never really associated with wanting to pmo, actually the opposite so I guess everyone is different with dopamine high activities.
     
    Candun and Rebootman123 like this.
  4. Billybrasco

    Billybrasco Fapstronaut

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    Personally I’m just thankful not to be jerking off to porn all the time.

    I’ll worry about being a super monk later. Lol
     
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  5. Rebootman123

    Rebootman123 Fapstronaut

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    Exactly - calling it a “challenge” implies that escaping PMO involves some kind of sacrifice - giving up something. You’re not losing anything - the only thing that it can give you is temporary relief from the suffering that it itself causes!
     
    Candun likes this.
  6. Rebootman123

    Rebootman123 Fapstronaut

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    Definitely - one step at a time man. You don’t need to be having 200 cold showers a day to be able to stay off PMO. But you do need to invest a bit of time into your reboot every day.
     
    Candun likes this.
  7. make_change

    make_change Fapstronaut

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    I think this depends on how long the edging goes on for or what your edging to.
     
  8. make_change

    make_change Fapstronaut

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    Some of the things that ive learnt and has helped me.

    I think the type of music a person listens to can also be triggering. Our brains will pick up on certain words which can create urges.

    When out and about and you see an attractive woman DONT STARE! Lowering your gaze can really help.

    Movies, programs and tv shows. You need to be careful with what your watching
     

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