would anyone try escort?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by lingcanada, Jul 15, 2019.

  1. harris37

    harris37 Fapstronaut

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    That's the thing with Dating apps, girls get 100 messages a day from guys, if you don't stand out from the rest then they won't acknowledge you, but what I try to do is look at it from there perspective, they'll find a guy they like, he'll be chatting to probably 4 or 5 girls at once, hes confident, doesn't give a fuck, he'll not give her a lot of attention, you'll come along everything is going well but your always gonna be the fall back option because all she can think about is that other guy who's hot as fuck and doesnt give a shit because he's got many options, she'll always want that guy... hes giving her something but not all of him. And she'll feed you a shit load of excuses as to why she can't go on a date or second date and so on as to either not hurt your feelings or have you as an option later incase hot guy doesn't give her the attention, but when she goes cold again... you guessed it hot guys showed up haha, Girls will never ever say im not interested, I try not to blame a girl for wanting the best guy she can find because I'd do the same, I've been on both sides of that fence, depending on how I'm feeling in myself, I'm not on that hot guy who doesnt give a fucks level YET... And this is why dating apps are no good for me you at the moment... try working on yourself for a bit. I failed the NoFap last night btw lol 23 days but I'll keep trying and I will succeed
     
  2. superninjared

    superninjared Fapstronaut

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    Okay i agree with that. Just one thing though i do also have tons of options i'm not saying i'm super hot or anything. But i have been giving girls different priorities based on how interested and how attracted i am to them. I have been putting off some girls for quite some time even though they asked me out because i was more interested in dating other girls. A girl asked me out today i suppose we could have met but i am also busy too. I had one girl two days ago flake on our date she came up with an excuse. I am talking to girls on dating apps some of them don't even believe in online dating they can't be bothered to meet people. It's all mind games. I do have plenty of girls that still want to meet im pretty sure they wont flake they are less likely to flake when they are the ones doing the chasing which i am letting them do. But it still feels a bit empty and shallow im not seeing any results yet and i hate to admit that im debating escorts...

    When you say failed do you mean you did PMO or met an escort?
     
  3. harris37

    harris37 Fapstronaut

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    Have you noticed that the ones you are not 100% in to... ie the ones that are second options are the one's that are really interested in you? lol and the ones that you become really interested in pull back? That's the joy of dating and that's what girls do to us too . I think the thing is to be low invested in all of them at the start because let's face it there's always another round the corner but like you say it does start to feel empty and shallow but I do love women even when they start to be stupid, don't loose hope mate it will come but only when your in the best place in your head. I did both... pmo on Friday night after a good night out with family... I let my thoughts control me and relapsed, then yesterday I went to see an escort... lovely girl, was well into me and even texting me after to say she'd see me for free next time, obviously i dont want there to be a next time but end of the day did it make me happy or happier? definately not
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2019
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  4. userSCP

    userSCP Fapstronaut

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    I would still go, given you're single. Free is free, pussy is pussy and sex ix sex. Don't PMO though.
     
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  5. superninjared

    superninjared Fapstronaut

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    I almost broke my streak last night it was a 50/50 chance that it was going to happen. The biggest deciding factor was the fact that i was just too damn tired to stay awake long enough to get back into that PMO routine not great… This whole dating thing really messes up your head i was going to use escorts as a last resort but i have to watch my finances at the moment. I suppose that is a good thing but it leaves me with few options. Keep trying with the dating and hope that something positive happens soon, try to distract my thoughts from sex which is not at all easy when you are actively dating and looking at beautiful woman all day long. Or give into the urges and relapse…..

    I still have plenty of girls to talk to but it just keeps feeling like mind games. I had a first date with a girl which i thought went okay but has not really gone anywhere. A week prior she deleted her dating profile because she did not really believe in it so that is the mindset she brought to the date probably… And i had another date recently where nothing really happened and she was going on about how her mum said she should settle down and she does not even seem to know what she wants or even care. It’s always the same story with people messing about. I was supposed to have another date this week but the girl is flaky. She’s a doctor and works long hours and shift work so that could be why or maybe she’s dating other guys too who knows? With all of this uncertainty the prospect of escorts and returning to PMO starts to look appealing and i hate that it is this way….

    Why do people have to keep messing about it is like they have given up on the thought of a relationship and just want to complain about being single… Even some of the girls i have been talking to admit that they masturbate a lot some to porn and some without. So if these are the type of people we are trying to date its no surprise that nothing happens...
     
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  6. Tibo87

    Tibo87 Fapstronaut

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    @superninjared If you have done it before, use the same strategy. Don't fix it if it ain't broken!

    Also, you inner dialogue seems to be negative. If you were to turn it into a positive and repeat it to yourself everyday, you will get in no time ''I can pick up a phone number when I am talking to girls in real life''.

    You will find ''interesting people'' to the place where you have your interest. If you like dogs and not cats, don't go to a beauty cat contest, rather go to a dog obstacle contest (yes I know, beautiful metaphor).

    You will avoid the dates without substance and you will know that at least you have similar tastes with the person!
     
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  7. superninjared

    superninjared Fapstronaut

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    Yes i have been too obsessed with phone numbers lately i'm sure i could get over this mental block eventually. But i have another problem that i was either going to ask on here, reddit or google later. I need to get better with dates i have had six first dates so far and all have ended with no outcome. Despite there been lots of laughter, jokes and smiling the only outcome is ghosting... Every single date had next to no physical interaction and nothing at the end other than a hug. No kissing, flirting or anything sexual. Just a date that seems to go on for hours it is too routine and generic. I have had dates in the past which did have lots of physical contact and kissing but those are a rarity. So i need to figure out some strategy that allows me to better connect with people otherwise it feels like a waste of time going on dates and spending all that money on drinks just to get ghosted whats the point? I could have just stayed at home... The last girl told me that she thought we did not click.... Despite two rounds of drinks i was the one that suggested leaving because we had been talking for more than 2 hours and i did not want to let the conversation get stale. Because it is tiresome to have such long dates a lot of people have shorter dates that lead to kissing or sex. And all my dates just feel like conference talks lol
     
  8. Fitness1983

    Fitness1983 Fapstronaut

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    Escorts become a more debilitating, expense version of obsession than masrurbation...in part because it’s not a trade. Masturbation can still be an issue, but now you’re also seeing and paying for sex.

    Not to mention how you can mind fuck yourself and erode your ability to form healthy, genuine relationships with women going forward.

    Finally, there are potential legal consequences and safety risks that can really fuck your life up
     
  9. Tibo87

    Tibo87 Fapstronaut

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    Be different. If you are playing the game ''small talk'' for 2 hours, that's all you will end up with.

    My sex teacher told me once ''if you can't talk about sex during a first date, then it is not a first date. It is just a meeting to become friends. Do you just want to be friends with this person?''

    Also,

    Why would you have to drink during a date? Be creative and do your dates somewhere else. Invite them to your favorite apple pie bakery, or go to play dodge ball with them, or whatever makes you stand out and excite you.

    If you share something that you like with your date and she likes it, then it is a great signs that you will get along together.
     
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  10. superninjared

    superninjared Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed..... I can't afford escorts at the moment anyway so thats no longer an issue. Back to square one and trying to figure out how to get around all these girls who keep playing mind games. Because this is no doubt one of the biggest reasons why i keep relapsing. I invest hours of time and money into connecting and meeting people just to have them give me the run around. I keep hearing the same stories from girls it's very off putting. They just keep saying that all guys want is sex while that might be true to a degree that is not all most of us are looking for. So before you can even show them you are not like all the other guys they have already decided that all guys are the same which leads to a breakdown in communication and ghosting. It's so silly. Dating apps are amazing they have made it so easy to meet people but unfortunately they have also messed everyone up. Spoiled, lazy and untrusting that is how people have become. I am talking to another girl and all she wants to do is talk it has been weeks and she's not ready to meet. She takes relationships super slow the complete reverse of other girls who want to meet asap before the interest dies... What has the world come to?

    I have not been talking about sex on first dates for a very obvious reason. Because all of the girls i have been talking to complain that all guys want is sex and they don't care about anything else. So if i was to talk about sex on a first date then the girls are just going to think i'm like all the other guys and ghost me. Yes i need to figure out better date ideas and better ways to connect with girls on dates. Every single date i have had in the past that had some sort of physical contact usually led to a second date or at the very least kissing which is a good sign. But those type of dates are rare i have to do more research and come up with something different.
     
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  11. 2974629562994628

    2974629562994628 Fapstronaut

    I'm of the personal belief that hiring a person to have consensual but completely emotionless sex is about the most damaging thing you can do to yourself psychologically.
     
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  12. superninjared

    superninjared Fapstronaut

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    It's not ideal i would much prefer the real thing but when you are single and in a bad situation you end up looking for substitutes. There are far more damaging things out there in the world. Escorts is a paid service yes but its still a real girl. Doing PMO is far more damaging in my personal experience. Neither option looks great at the moment. Relapse and get relief but go down that dark path again... Or do nothing and remain sexually frustrated and alone indefinitely.
     
  13. 2974629562994628

    2974629562994628 Fapstronaut

    Why is it so important for you? Escort situation can be very dangerous. There's health issues and not just that but it's a shady business AND it costs money. I really would not recommend it. There's plenty of people on Tinder these days. I don't think that hiring an escort will help you. It may make you even feel more miserable. This is just my opinion though.
     
  14. superninjared

    superninjared Fapstronaut

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    Well..... Because at the moment i'm not getting any further than a first date regardless of the dating app i use which includes Tinder. All first dates no sex. So i had the choice of just doing nothing and being frustrated or paying for it. Meeting people on Tinder is not as easy as people think it is. Sure i have a few matches but not everybody responds it is the same experience you would get using any other dating app when it comes to success rate. Sometimes you get a phone number sometimes you just get ignored. The last girl i tried to meet on Tinder was just not in the frame of mind to be dating because she had a recent bad break up. I recently matched with someone new but she seems to care more about getting instagram followers than actually going on dates. And that is why i relapsed from the frustration of nothing happening....
     
  15. Fitness1983

    Fitness1983 Fapstronaut

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    Im going to be blunt. You sound young, naive, and in denial.

    By the way, I’m not judging you on a personal level. I’ve spent 10’s of thousands in strip clubs, massage parlors, and with escorts.

    Obsessive porn related behavior, for me, came first. Then, because I felt the need to up the ante, the other behaviors came next. But the porn was always there.

    Substitution is not a solution. Adding the human element...in other words...paying for the presence of another human being...in the short term feels like an upgrade, but in reality it just makes you more and more isolated....


    Again, not trying to be harsh towards you, but what’s the long-term goal of developing a new pattern of behavior that’s organized around not only around obsessive thoughts of sexual gratification but also paying someone—repeatedly—to help you carry it out.

    Lastly, the emotional damage you’ll inflict on yourself, will be very real.

    Good luck
     
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  16. superninjared

    superninjared Fapstronaut

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    Escorts are out for now regardless they are too expensive. It's not denial i'm just trying to use what i have available at the moment. Unless you have some sort of magic pill or spell that is going to get me into a relationship there is not much going on. It is just the same girls with the same excuses over and over again. Unfortunately if i had to choose between a life of solitude and living like a monk never knowing the touch of a woman. Or escorts i would choose the latter. Its easy enough to come on here and shoot down the idea but whats the alternative? I have seen guys relapse on here for less reasons. The real problem is that it's far more difficult these days than it used to be to get into relationships. And if you think i'm wrong just ask on here and see how many people have succeeded in getting into a relationship. The majority of people on here are lonely and sexually deprived. This reality is why we keep relapsing...
     
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  17. Fitness1983

    Fitness1983 Fapstronaut

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    You seem to be hounded by an unhealthy level of comparing yourself to others and comparing the people who frequent this board to your perception of those that don’t.

    Some questions....what is your primary goal in being a member of this community? What are your 2 main goals in life, aside from being in a relationship? Lastly, what are the main ways you’re meeting women?
     
  18. MuscularSherlockHolmes

    MuscularSherlockHolmes Fapstronaut

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    It starts a whole lot of problems you can't really fix. And STDs are just the tip of the iceberg
     
  19. superninjared

    superninjared Fapstronaut

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    Just stating facts. To remove porn from my life and help others do the same. Career and happiness. Online dating apps at the moment because i have severe anxiety. I already know what you're going to say that i should just go out there and do approaches. At this point i don't see it making that much difference in high likelihood those girls already have dating profiles already. So even if i could pick up a phone number i still have a problem with first dates ending with nothing happening. Thats the area i need to work on.
     
  20. Fitness1983

    Fitness1983 Fapstronaut

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    Maybe your expectations of dating need to be adjusted.

    Just using the word “approaches” indicates some root assumptions on your end. These aren’t sales calls. Are you looking to just get laid or build relationships? And by build relationships, I don’t mean “finding the one.” I mean getting to know people and practicing the skill of letting people know you.

    Sounds like you’re putting a lot of pressure on you as well as the other person. Practice freeing yourself—and the other human involved—from any expectation.

    Do you share these anxieties and thoughts with people outside of this board? Have you ever attended any kind of support group?

    Keep being positive, brother.
     

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