Would finding "The one" help defeat the struggle of porn addiction?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Prodigal Warrior, Nov 21, 2017.

  1. Not in a sense of "I'll have sex with her, so I wont need porn" but as in, could me being lonely encourage my addiction? I'm Christian, and even Christianity aside I still believe it be more moral to be absent until marriage.

    I've been thinking for a while now, my loneliness might be making my addiction worse, I find myself saying things like "I love you" as I stare into the eyes of the person in the porn... My only fear is, what if I hurt her if I did try to find love now? Not just if she found out and feel cheated on, or if we both wanted sex and ruin the "Until marriage" but I'm scared, what if I forced it? What if I got so out of hand, I raped her... I would never be able to forgive myself if I did such a thing.

    I may be overreacting, but I've gone through so much stuff to get porn, I almost got into finding practically prostitutes online to get my fix even know I had access to porn right there, I have felt urges to do things... I'm scared that if I had a girlfriend, I would let that out of hand behavior effect it...

    What are your opinions? Am I overreacting? Am I looking down on myself, not giving myself enough credit to how far I can control myself? Is worrying just going to make it worse than it is?
     
  2. Hey bro, I've actually experienced these feelings myself. Not the worry about harming a girlfriend, but wondering if finding a good mate would help me overcome PMO addiction and fix my loneliness. The truth is, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being lonely is more of a feeling, while being alone is just a measure of physical proximity to other people. In other words, you can have all the friends in the world and still be lonely.

    Loneliness is hard to deal with and can certainly trigger PMO. While it might seem logical to find a girlfriend to get rid of the loneliness, you will still have the underlying fears that caused you to feel lonely in the first place--the fear of being alone. A girlfriend may distract you from your loneliness, but it won't cure it, just as porn distracts you from it, but only ends up making it worse.

    Everything I said is just my opinion and based on my personal experience, but the big take away is this: if you find contentment and joy in your life being single, then you will be more attractive to women and the relationships you have with them will be much more fulfilling. Focus on yourself bro, especially the internal components, and things will start falling into place.
     
    Prodigal Warrior and Rein like this.
  3. chinatown117

    chinatown117 Fapstronaut

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    Totally agree....there are times when in my marriage to my wife of 5 years, that we are both lonely. We have a strong relationship but I will admit that porn has weakened our intimacy. And in that regard, when we have sex and I don't feel satisfied with the love of my life because I'm imaging someone else - my friend that is the loneliest feeling in the world. I have more than I deserve but still I cannot let myself enjoy or find happiness in it. This is why I am here.

    For you, I would advise focussing on being whole before you give part of yourself away to someone else. No woman out there deserves the burden of "fixing" our addiction, that must come from ourselves. Yes, having a partner who loves you helps a lot - but look around, there are more people than you realize that love you. There always are. It doesn't have to be romantic love for someone to be cheering for you to be the best version of yourself. We all here are cheering for you too.
     
  4. Rein

    Rein Fapstronaut

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    Well said September!

    Op I'm in the same boat the loneliness is fucking brutal...what we seek is within ourselves we will not find happiness in someone else, we must look within. Once we can learn to love ourselves we will radiate love instead of fear because that's all there is, is love and fear. Once we have this new energy people will be magnetized to us.
     
  5. Thanks for the replies guys, its a really hard thing... Its not only just cause I want to rid myself of porn, but I just wish I had a girlfriend in general... More than a girlfriend, I want children and everything... Its hard that I have to wait to fix this problem before I can... But I guess that's all the reason in the world to stop looking at porn.
     

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