Would you date someone who does PMO or rather a fellow Fapstronaut?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by bornagaingirl, Jun 3, 2020.

Are you okay with dating someone that engages in PMO?

  1. if they only MO, but don't watch P, it's okay

    8 vote(s)
    22.9%
  2. yeah sure, that's their choice

    7 vote(s)
    20.0%
  3. no, I'd want them to be clean for at least X days (please specify in comment)

    4 vote(s)
    11.4%
  4. I'd want them to be in reboot/nofap challenges as well

    13 vote(s)
    37.1%
  5. only if they don't do it very often

    3 vote(s)
    8.6%
  1. bornagaingirl

    bornagaingirl Fapstronaut

    Hey so this is not so much about my dating story, but more a general question for you if you're dating:

    When do you talk to them about your Nofap challenges/reboot? Before dating, before being in a relationship or only once you are in a committed relationship/being sexually active? Or do you not talk about that at all?

    How important is it to you that they are in reboot/not addicted to PMO as well? Would you date someone that regularly engages in PMO?
     
    Starshower and Submariner like this.
  2. bornagaingirl

    bornagaingirl Fapstronaut

    Now I shall answer my own question as well.

    I want to know before dating I think what their view on PMO is and which parts they think are acceptable and how they deal with it. At the lastest before we committ to each other.

    I wouldn't want to date a guy that watches porn, he should be at least 6 months "clean". With MO I could deal probably but I would still prefer he'd try not to/be in reboot. Since I am trying that as well. But if MO is an occasional thing without him being addicted, if that is possible, I'd be okay with it.
     
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  3. I mean watching porn is considered normal in our society, sad right? In my opinion I feel like if they do indulge in it, but not often I wouldn't mind, but if they are rely on it to get off then that would be an issue. But in the end what really matters is the conversation in the matter and how we would deal with it.
     
    FlowingSaiyan likes this.
  4. Submariner

    Submariner Fapstronaut

    I never thought about this myself, interesting question! My long term girlfriend is definitely okay with me watching porn, although I used to look at p-subs (mostly social media) 99% of the time. She’s also genuinely cool with me mastrubating. She doesn’t understand why I want to quit, although she is very supportive since this has been my mission the past 6 months. We have talked about this topics in a open and lighthearted way a couple of times throughout the time we’ve been togheter.

    I’m not going to hurt her feelings by telling that I mastrubate while looking at other girls on social media. But it makes me feel sick.

    She only watched porn a couple times in her life, but never liked it. She never mastrubates either. I know how hypocritical I am right now, but I won’t feel comfortable by the thought that she engages in PMO.
     
    bornagaingirl likes this.
  5. thescot01

    thescot01 Fapstronaut

    It wouldn't bother me either way if my future BF was to do NoFap himself or not. I would definitely hope that he's open to discussing it though.
     
  6. Starshower

    Starshower Fapstronaut

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    I'd greatly prefer my partner to not be using pmo. If she's on the NoFap challenge, that'd be awesome as it's easier to empathize with the process, ontop of support having someone that is coming from a similar place is motivating. I'd want to know early on before dating; I've never really been one for casual hookups or anything. I end up looking for long-term relationships, so it would be best I could know her feelings about before moving onto that step.

    I'm not sure I care much about how long she's been clean, moreso I'd prefer her to be sincere about quitting. MO could be risky, but the big bad is PMO imo.
     
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  7. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    What's dating?

    I'm not totally joking. In other words when do you consider that you're dating? Ok you did say do you talk about it once in a committed relationship, but for me that could be fairly early in the sense I may not date anyone else but still don't know her that well. Committed just means you're not dating other people right? If you've committed your life to each other dating is too weak a word..

    I may know a woman has an issue with porn once, (thinking of a real example from the past btw) and didn't say she's looking to work on that - after all most people just recognize substance issues, even if that includes food. In this case I happen to know she also has an issue with getting too attached to guys.

    What I would say is I'd be more inclined to let the porn thing slide for a time but not the relationship problems, because that gets into codependency and a lot of potential psychological mess.

    I don't use the word frapstronaut. I am also into being clean but I don't use that narrative. This is significant along with the example I mentioned because it has to do with what they believe around recovery. Not only is there a question of do people only see substance stuff as an addiction, some people who are honest and sincere have too narrow a view of what recovery involves.

    Come to think of it, I MAY have more of an issue with someone using an overly simple narrative than them trying to get clean - because I don't think it's going to work. They may agree with the mainstream of that recovery community and even talk it up, but I think ultimately you have to really look at your life as a whole and I think there's a way where people who are all caught up in a system isn't doing that. I think there's a way people may go to meeting perpetually and share, but never look at how effective what they're doing is. The same goes for challenges. It's not about number of days, that's just too simplistic.

    And I don't have to have this as one of the top questions answered early on because the level I would want to know someone to get serious it would natrually be addressed either directly or indirectly. Even if I didn't know they have this issue I'm confident I would have gotten to know them well enough to know that's not an isolated thing that they're not going to work on, thing is people working on it ironically have it isolated as a thing when it really has to do with the way they live.

    In other words, it would be natural and easy to have the conversation then even if it's needed. I'm not so sure it would be with people already in recovery, actually I suspect it may be harder because they may be set on their ideas already and not open to really trying anything new or more effective.
     
    Kligor likes this.
  8. Kligor

    Kligor Fapstronaut

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    For sure partner who does PMO at least 6 times a day.
    Zombie date.
     
  9. ShadyPerson

    ShadyPerson Fapstronaut

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    As long as it's not interfering with her life (or the amount of sex she's willing to have with me) badly I really don't see why I should care. Like at all. Maybe I'd have a problem if she was knowingly watching porn that has been done through immoral means. (Human trafficing or shit like that.)
     
  10. bornagaingirl

    bornagaingirl Fapstronaut

    @Awedouble

    It's true that people have different concepts of dating and relationships, also depending on culture. Here where I live, people usually date (exclusively) for a while but won't refer each to each other as in a relationship or bf/gf, that comes after a few dates. And I personally want to get to know someone (if I'm not friends with them already) before I go out on a romantic date.

    It's certainly not the first topic I talk about, but when we have the talk on boundaries in a relationship and like things they'd like to do sexually and what are hard limits and such, I would talk about P as well.
     
    Starshower likes this.
  11. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    At least in my country, the girls that I spoken about masturbation and porn, prefered a guy that masturbates eventually but not look at porn, but in the case they do both it wasn't a deal breaker for them.
    I my case I really don't care if a woman touches herself and view porn. I only care about how she trearth me.
    is totally fine for you to set your boundries to date a guy... but i want to point out 2 things about that.
    1- More than 95% of guys masturbates. And more than 90% watch at porn. Nowadays porn videos are also distributed in wapps work groups. So watching at porn is something that is so naturall for every man to do. Because of this you are taking out more than 90% percent of man out of your dating prospect only for porn, sum up the onces acting like pussy, the ones you don't like physically.. etc. I think you can see where I'm going.
    2- Is really an akward question to ask to a person you are not still dating, that you don't know at all to ask about if he watch at porn and masturbate. How would you feel if a random guy that want to date you and you don't know him at all ask you about your intimacy... do you like to touch yourself? home much times you touch yourself douring the week? do you use porn to touch yourself? That stuff is so much personal, you only share it with people you have a lot of confidence with. I'm sure that you will find that questions akward and you probably would thing that the guy asking for that is a pervert or a freak.
     
  12. brod2018

    brod2018 Fapstronaut

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    That hit me hard. I would say absolutly fucking not. But now I'm imagining that same question asked to my gf. I guess she would have the same reaction as me. I really need to get my shit together.
     
    bornagaingirl likes this.
  13. bornagaingirl

    bornagaingirl Fapstronaut

    1 - yes, I am aware of that. But then, I am a conservative Christian and would only date someone with similar values anyway so that takes a lot of guys out of the equation already and those that remain are probably more likely to reject porn.

    2 - I usually talk for a while with guys before dating them about expectations for dating and a relationship, such as boundaries (I want to wait for marriage) and other things anyway. I also share what I do. Not straight away, but after having talked about the more superficial stuff. It is actually common in my social circle to talk about these things before dating and talk longer before dating. So for me it's not that awkward. If someone isn't comfortable with that discussion, I am also okay with waiting.
     
    StarRider likes this.
  14. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

    Well, I would not expect a real PMO addict being able to properly raise my children and be careful enough about shielding them from the stuff. So at some point the topic has to be brought up. Ideally long before something moves to "Let's have a baby!"

    Yeah, I'm older. Changes the dynamic a bit. ;)

    You won't believe how many Christians are into porn. First there are married people, who help themselves to endure the sexless marriage, they are supposed to stay in. And many believe it's good substitute for casual sex unmarried Christian men aren't supposed to have.
     
    bornagaingirl likes this.
  15. I have no earthly business telling someone else to not jerk off
     
  16. Ekalb

    Ekalb Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    That wouldn’t be much of a priority of selecting who I would date. You don’t go around asking women if they “PMO” whatever that means. Then, you just come off weak.
     
  17. I would never date someone who watches porn behind my back.

    As for masturbation, whatever. Just don't look at other boys whilst doing it.
     
    bornagaingirl likes this.

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