Write tips on solving the growing urge to O

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/silly-excuses-which-make-you-relapse-answers.305337/

 

Meditation, pushups...deep breaths

 

Its normal, try to focus on your work or whatever other activity you do.
Take some deep breaths and count to 10 slowly with closed eyes ,it will help you to calm down your brain activity.

 

I hope more people contribute to this thread. It’s useful to have active thread like this.

 

Develop a mantra(this does not have to be spiritual) something that you will say to yourself (in your mind) anytime a sexual thought pops up. You should have a short version and a long one in case the pop ups are more present in one moment. (For example be empathetic with yourself in your mantra and write out a list of why PMO is bad for you) You interrupt it with that mantra. As you go through your withdrawal, your PMO temptation will try to lure you back to go with full PMO..its a sneaky bastard... This is why in developing the mantra you will have a weapon to fend of the sexual thoughts and at the same time change your brain. Over a certain period of time, you will have less and less of these sexual thoughts pop up and they will become less and less vivid, as you go on your journey. I'm free of porn from 195 days (1 MO relapse day 72 no porn) and free of MO 123 days, I can assure you that in the rare instances that pop ups show up now, well let's just say they're not vivid at all.

You are not responsible for the thoughts that pop into your mind, but what you do with it as it pops into your mind is on you. Engage in it and inevitably be destroyed. Develop the habit of "killing" the thought within a second of its appearance and you will see these sexual thoughts will decrease in intensity and frequency over time, but you must do this EVERY time. This needs to become a knee-jerk reaction. I said before we are not responsible for the thoughts that pop into our mind...well to a certain degree we are, we've tailored our brains to be sexual fiends because of our porn consumption..you are what you consume, after all. There will be people who tell you that it's okay, it's normal to constantly think about sex and even encourage you do so, saying you just have a high sex drive! It's all bullshit, we were not meant to walk this earth to crave sex every second of the day, the porn industry is okay with that because it means more revenue for them. Experience sex with a real person, not some fantasy in your mind or on the screen..that's a desire that will never be satiated and it will keep you away from reality.

Hope this helps!

 

For me a lot of it has to do with mental redirection of some kind. Being older the libido isn't as strong anyway, but rather than completely write off that as not helpful you might even think of it as a kind of challenge. I believe it ultimately has to do with how you think but I know that's probably hard to convince and also hard to change in relatively short period of time.

It's nice to have some tricks but it doesn't go far enough. I'd go so far as to say just changing how you see women, assuming that's your sexual preference, is not enough - you could do better by changing how you see humans. For example sometimes people start talking about it and makes the statement "we're sexual beings" - which is true, but that doesn't mean you have to express your sexuality through sex or PMO. Some people pour that into an artistic endeavor like writing or something. Notice this is NOT the same point as channeling your energy into something else ONLY, because it involves self expression. Somehow if someone writes poetry with a bent like that which has artistic merit I doubt he's using PMO as the inspiration. I think it is far more likely people with stuff like that actually don't and may not even MO even if I'm speculating. I guess there's two reasons for thinking this: 1. I think better myself when I don't, and 2. That's a creative act, PMO is a passive, receptive act - you're following the mindset being communicated by people making the porn. The second point underscores how we're consumers on various levels - not just what we buy but the ideas and media we buy into mentally. Shifting to creating that instead of consuming it is a big difference.

So even though many of us won't become artists I think it is a helpful exercise, journaling should have that quality instead of just kind of listing stuff you did. I'm sure there's plenty of info out there on how to journal but if nothing else just don't censor yourself - write whatever you want, get it all out. Even though I am not getting really strong urges these days sometimes in the moment I will speak out something instead of write it when I'm feeling something or notice my mind 'going there' - and getting it out either by voice or on paper just gets it out of the closet where it can't influence on a subconscious level by making it conscious.

 

Don't try to police your mind. It gets real tiring real quick. Just avoid actual porn and its various substitutes.

Add some positive things to your schedule, and do them routinely, every day. Some classics include exercise, journal, and meditate. Don't wait until you feel like doing them. Set a time and get it over with. I've found making a chart with checkboxes for each one of these to be quite helpful.

Get your sleep straightened out. I go to sleep at 11, even if I'm not tired. Wake up at 7.

Be wary of things that weaken your resolve (alcohol etc.).

Total:$0.02

 

As someone who is only a few months along this journey, I do realize that I am a lot more sensitive now to visual stimulation than before, especially with a combination of warm weather and a lot more people being outside given the gradual lifting of pandemic restrictions.

There is a '3-second rule', which is not to look more than - you guessed it - three seconds. And no second looks.

At the pool recently I left my glasses off. Easy to not stare when everything is blurred out, and can focus on those I'm with at the pool.

Another thing is to interrupt the thought process. I heard of one person who would be walking, get distracted by a female, and then purposefully drop his keys and look for them. Who knows someone reading this thread may find that helpful.

Lastly I'd like to say this: you, and you alone, are responsible for what you think about. An old book says, "for as he thinketh in his heart, so is he", and you become what you think about. Exercise your freedom to choose, and choose wisely.