Wtf am I doing?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Deleted Account, May 1, 2018.

  1. neoguo

    neoguo Fapstronaut

    I think they are similar: making friends with boys and girls.
    In both situations you need to communicate, to let other go into your world, let them know your humor, your curiosity, your hard working personality. You are already on the right way, and if you pursue skills always, you will lose the interest or joy of just making things happen. Some one named Paul Graham once said like this: if we only choose to love when being loved, we are losing the best part of mankind.
    outplan likes this.
  2. outplan

    outplan Fapstronaut

    Don't compare yourself with others. You don't have enough info to know whether they're happy or not. How many people would suspect you're a porn addict? No-one in my life would've suspected that of me. I mean no-one, as far as they're concerned I'm probably happily married with kids and job. It's easy to fill in the gaps of other people's lives in the most unrealistic way possible.

    The only person you should compare yourself to is yourself yesterday. Did you move forward or backwards?
    Bijuu107 likes this.
  3. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

    there's no try! just do it!
  4. astronautfrompompei

    astronautfrompompei Fapstronaut

    I think you have transformed yourself into a very high-value guy, who the majority of girls would love to date.

    I think the problem is how your current lifestyle, plus your inexperience, makes it very unlikely for you to interact and meet girls in the right context.

    Two options:
    - Cold approach: go to and you'll become a machine with girls
    - Build up you social skills, so this will bring you friends. Once you'll have people with whom to hang out, and a network effect will be started, you'll be finding very hard not to meet and date girls.

    This is: if you don't destroy what you have created. Keep in mind that if you've done something good, and at the same time an UNRELATED bad thing accidentally happens to you, this doesn't make the good thing you've made nor bad nor useless. Keep in mind correlations, randomness and causality.

    Let me know if you resonate with what written above, I'm curious what you think.
  5. Yes I do.

    I wanted to become a "badass guy". I started to lift to have a better body, I started to not care much about the others (except for my family), started to think that I don't need friends and girls are not important.
    It worked a bit. I am very independent guy, I know that people are jealous of my independence. I know for sure (not being arrogant or cocky) that many guys would be miserable if they had my life.
    Society is made of pussies nowadays. Guys are very needy. Girls rule us. We all know it to some extent.

    When I got depressed because of not having a gf, I started to feel a pussy. That is why I started to try to be tougher and live a life without thinking of friends and girls. But I did it in an angry way.
    That is why I am not very happy right now. I will continue to improve myself but at the same time being in peace with society. I want to be happy with myself (this is my ultimate goal).

    If I will achieve such goal. I don't know, I am very sceptical. We hetero man like girls more than eveyrthing. We are also social creatures. I really think that to be happy we need others to like us and give us value (Unless I am a psycho or something).

    My current lifestyle is like living in a world without girls. At my work there are only men. I don't hang out with anybody (0 friends xD).

    First I really want to prove myself that I can no PMO for 30 days. Baby steps. Then I will try could approach, join clubs...
  6. Bijuu107

    Bijuu107 Fapstronaut

    Hey guys,
    about the facts. If you don't fap you will have more motivation and power over time. Through this a chain reaktion starts. So you changed than one of your habits if you don't fap and through this you will have more of the good habits. Overtime you will have more power to talk and to do what you realy want to do and not just to dream about it. Yeah it will have an effect on your social life and not only with girls, just because you will have more strength and dont fill tired anymore. The key are the habits and to have the strenght to change them you will need motivation and power.
    About the girls and friends and what ever. I think it don't must be bad that you are alone. Yes there are people that have a girlfriend and yes if you don't like yourself, than they look even happier but i tell you something, they aren't so much happier as you think. If someone changes his girlfriend all the time, than he just try to fullfill himself but he can't.
    If you are alone than you can think better about the important things in your life and go more in your inner. Cut the illusions that the people so freaky happy and you have to be like they. If you do than you will be much further than so many people on this earth. Just look at your situation and maybe say hey yeah everything is fucked up but i have a plan"nofap".
    We find piece if we go in ourself and not if we look at the others. Yeah it sounds hard but it will be easier if you hold on.

    Good luck
  7. relaxedtheist5478

    relaxedtheist5478 Fapstronaut

    If you want to love girls, you have to love yourself first. And by loving yourself I mean that you need to stop treating yourself so badly and accept who you are. No girl can be comfortable around you if you're judging them, and we judge others when we are also judging ourselves. So if you want to improve relationships with others (not just with girls), you have accept to yourself first, because this way you stop judging others and accept them as who they are, with their imperfections, because you know you're imperfect too.

    Remember that you're just a man with problems like any human being, but you do have a chance. You can have a better live, starting with forgiving yourself for the things you did in the past, Otherwise you'll be stuck for there for the rest of your life.

    I honestly recommend you entering the youtube channel called prince ea. This guy's videos have helped me a lot, and I think that they can help you too.
    outplan and Bijuu107 like this.
  8. The thing is... It is true that I have to accept myself. But I don't really think that most guys that I know love themeselves.
    I know that I do not have to think or look at them. But the reality is different.

    Suppose that I am a fat guy, I dress like a kid and look like a homeless man. If I accept myself as I am, I will never succeed in life.

    Why have I to improve if I am really happy with myself? Unfortunately, I have to have a better appearance to have job. Who is going to hire a man that looks like a homeless
    Unfortunately, I have to dress properly. Who is going to like an adult that dresses like a kid.
    Most girls don't like an overweight guy. I have to lose my weight.

    Our improvements are all based on society patterns and stigmas. Why guys are lifting and take care of their bodies nowadays. Do you really think that it is because they want to love themselves?
    It is because guys want to fit in the society. If you are an outlier by nature, chances is that you will die alone.

    I am a fucking outlier! It is my nature. This is what I am figuring while I am doing nofap.
    Fapping don't fit in my personality. Just like facebook, instagram, clubs, and social shits.
    I will stop fapping, or at least reducing it as I am doing right now.

    If I am not social as most people are, WHY the fuck do I have to improve myself???
    Because I want to procreate...simple as that. I am an animal just like you all are. Procreation is life. Don't BS me.

    This has nothing to do with girls? Of course it has, don't tell me otherwise. If there were not girls in this world I would be fucking happy. Being hetero or home can be a curse.
    Seeing pussies over there with girls and girls just makes me think that I am an outlier (freak, aberration, anomaly, etc).

    Yes! I am fucking anomaly, sorry society.

    Do you know what happens to a wolf when he is an outlier? He is expelled from the pack.
    Now he is a lone wolf and he has to figure out how to live by its own. We will not change or improve because of the pack.
    He will improve because he is all by himself and he will eventually get stronger than the others. Two scenarios, the wolf dies or the wolf get stronger.

    I think this is happening to me to some extent. Why do I have to become more social and try to fit in the pack? Am I really self-defending myself? Or is my brain telling me that is the wrong path.
    Maybe I will be the wolf that will be stronger and find another anomaly someday. Or I will die alone.

    Sorry, I am angry today.
  9. Kings4ever

    Kings4ever Fapstronaut

    I think the most important point is that:
    1.You should try. Nothing gains without try anything. Do not be afraid of failure, failure brings experience, you will grow up.
    2.Try to know what the girls really want, not just "I think she wants something", try digging deeper through conversation.
    3.Love yourself first, then you can give love to others. Do not lost your yourself to please anybody else. You can also reshape yourself through working out, reading books, learning some jokes etc(no girls would refuse a interesting guy)...people always like easy ways, but improve yourself is not an easy ways, try your best, it's definitely worth it.

    Hope you will finally find your girl!!!
  10. nd
    You know, I don't really want to find "the girl". I wanna know how a lone wolf can meet girls. Then I will find "the girl" naturally.
    Imagine that you don't have friends. 0 friends.
    Imagine that you are not engaged in any social activities. Only work.

    Now imagine that you actually are figuring out that you don't have to improve your social skills. Because the reality is that I am not an anti-social guy. I can talk with people. I am not a weirdo or nerd or any social outcast. Yes, I am bit anxious when around girls, but that is because I don't have experience.

    I just don't like social stuff. I am a reserved and an introverted guy. This is my nature. Do I have to change my nature?
    If I think clearly, I like my nature. Why change it?

    People say that you have to force yourself to make friends, engage in social activities.

    Everything that I like to do, I do it alone. I prefer to work alone than in group. Work in group is a waste of time.
    I like to not depend on the others. This is my nature. Not any self-mechanism to avoid social activities.
  11. Potato93

    Potato93 Fapstronaut

    @SoloMan Guess what?


    Why? look at all the shit you're saying, that losers get GFs and you dont. You are a narcissist believe me or not. Someday you'll get a girl and then you'll realize that it wasnt enough.
    She'll be hot, you'll have sex everyday, but guess what, she'll have a trait in her personality that wont match yours for some reason, she'll end up breaking up. (That will put you on a pit far lower than the one you are now.)

    And you'll come back here and start another shitty thread. Believe me, I've been through that.

    Stop complaining, if you dont like socializing than accept that and say FUCK THE WORLD, Fuck me, fuck everybody on this forum and fuck life.
    Look at this guy:

    Do you think he's afraid of using social media? Tell me straight in the face, he found people that acknowledge him not because of his disease, but because he won his internal fight with himself. And that's success for him, what is success for you?
  12. Kings4ever

    Kings4ever Fapstronaut

    Maybe you need more specific thing, AKA "The skills"(I think you'd better google it, there are lots of stuff there).BUT Do not ignore the power of experience, it's like reading a technical paper and implement it.

    I do not really agree with"you don't have to improve your social skills", you really need, man! "Talking with people" and "Have a nice conversation with people" is quite different, Just think about it.

    Maybe unpleasant experience in your early age result in your current stage, actually most of us have this kind of shit. Somebody walks out and somebody still struggle into it. The point is: Never lose your CONFIDENCE on this, and keep learning and Trying.
    Potato93 likes this.
  13. Potato93

    Potato93 Fapstronaut

    you mean this?

  14. Am I telling a lie when I am saying that there are losers with gf's? Losers with great jobs? Is that really narcisism?
    No, it is not. And I know plenty of them.
    An important factor in this life is LUCK. Maybe I don't have it and I can't rely on it.

    You see, that is the point. I don't like to socialize, that is my nature.
    Maybe I was meant to be alone.


    I want to achieve 30 days with no PMO. That is my goal.
    Once again, I will prove myself that I can achieve it easily, and I am not a pussy like most guys are :D.
    Potato93 likes this.

  15. True, talking and having conversations are quite different.

    Yes, there are many unpleasent experiences in my early age related to social things.
  16. Potato93

    Potato93 Fapstronaut

    Luck? Seriously?
    Those are all excuses you put over yourself cant you see?

    Just the fact that you wrote that "you're not a pussy like most of the guys" gives me 100% sure that you wont reach 30 days.

    Life is what you make it to be.

    Deleted Account likes this.
  17. @Potato93

    Luck is something that exists in this society. Meritocracy is the dominant factor, but luck is also an important factor.
    We see it at school. We see it at work. We see it everywhere.

    You don't believe that I will not achieve my goal. We'll see. 26 days to go. I will PM you to show that what I am not a pussy xD.
    Potato93 likes this.
  18. astronautfrompompei

    astronautfrompompei Fapstronaut

    Think about the difference between coincidence, causality and randomness:
    1. Just because someone is a loser, AND happens to have a girlfriend doesn't mean that life is unfair and he is simply lucky
    2. He could be a general loser in life, but maintain a healthy attitude and habits about socialising and talking to girls - nothing remarkable, but good enough to have a few things going
    3. On the other hand, you could be a general winner: but with sub-par social attitudes that result in higher isolation and (eventually) in a lower quality of life, potentially even lower than the loser of pt.1
    Not saying this is the truth or your case, mind. Just wanted to provide a provocative point of view to challenge your current views.
    Potato93 and Deleted Account like this.
  19. Bijuu107

    Bijuu107 Fapstronaut

    hey soloman,
    you say that you are fat like i'm understand you will have to be like society wants it. To be happy.
    I tell to you if you love yourself, than you dont need to search for the things outside because you find it inside.
    A poor man, who never was reach , tries to getting money and getting rich.
    A man who things he is ugly tries to be beautiful, through sport or something like that.
    A man who never had a girlfriend, tries to get one and think that only this will fullfill his heart.
    You can see the things on two different levels. The things how they are =a man is making the whole day sport because he don't know what will make him realy happy and so he want some bitches.Or oh he making sport and looks good and strong , so he has to be happy, but we have to change ourself in the inner.

    Yes you want it because you never had it but if you look in yourelf and have patience with yourself, you will have way more. Try to change your attidude. It needs time.

    sry for my English
    I'm wishing you inner piece.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  20. @astronautfrompompei

    I am not saying that what you are telling me is wrong. Nevertheless, life is unfair many times and there are people that are simply lucky.
    Yes, I know it is a bit contradiction calling a guy loser when he is good at socializing.
    And yes, I agree with you. I can become the winner at almost everything but still with social attitudes that will make me have a low quality of life.

    I have to improve my social skills, but damn I will feel so forced to do it.


    I want to believe that it is possible to find inner piece. But I ma sceptical.

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