Yet Another Porn Widow (my journey)

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by alphazingersalsa, Jul 8, 2019.

  1. Cool I Can Use Spaces

    Cool I Can Use Spaces Fapstronaut

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    What you are experiencing is a man who’s mind has been polluted and twisted by lies.

    He’s in a delusion now that excludes him from any responsibility for his actions. He’s in a state where everything is about him.

    Unfortunately I can relate to how he’s acting even though I’ve never been married. I was selfish and super self centered in so many other ways.

    For me I didn’t snap out of the delusions until I hit my rock bottom.
     
  2. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    So true. May I ask what was rock bottom for you?
     
  3. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    I would hope losing paper custody of his
    Daughter and not seeing her daily is rock bottom for him. But it sounds like that is exactly what he wants: “freedom”

    You know the irony of this all? She just started babbling “dada”. If thay doesnt tug his heart...
     
  4. Cool I Can Use Spaces

    Cool I Can Use Spaces Fapstronaut

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    I was suicidal about not being able to quit as well as being alone as a result of my porn addiction.
     
  5. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    It’s not, he just doesn’t want to loose his creature comforts. Believe in yourself and look out for yourself
     
  6. You have him backed in a corner. He knows there is nothing he can do, that's where I think the anger is coming from. For a period of time he had the family and the PMO. Now he can't have both and he's angry. You are setting boundaries!! When you set a boundary the person who benefited from you not having any will often react with anger. Stay strong in what you know you WANT and what you and your child DESERVE. Don't back down no matter how many things he says, he's just trying to get you to loosen the boundaries again. This is typical in my experience. I started writing down the excuses given to me. Now when he has a new one, I will walk out of the room, get my book and repeat the excuse..."ok, so you are not able to X because of Y". This makes him so mad but in doing this, I'm highlighting the excuse and showing it for what it is.

    Don't back down in what you are willing to accept, no matter how much he argues or attacks you. It's just him trying to get you to do things his way. That's my thought.
     
  7. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    As a guy, I'm extremely sorry for what you're facing... Everyone deserves to be treated with love and compassion, not anger..... Especially new parents who should be loving and taking care of each other and their child.... Deep pmo addiction really is a demon that obscures a lot of happiness, gentleness and love from ones heart, and can turn one into a monster....
    In my past days of severe addiction, most of my good emotions were blunted or nonexistent... It was just a hellish pit of depression, anger and lust.... It took me becoming serious in my faith in Christ, my realization that life is a wonderful gift of God, that humans have an inexpressible value, and that my addiction was an utter evil that was running my life, to strongly motivate me to get out of that..... Even now I'm still on the way out...
     
  8. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    Besides, as a medical student,I think there is a possibility that your husband might be having postnatal depression ... It can also occur in men... And his porn addiction may be worsening it and stimulating all that anger....
     
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  9. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    Will he recover from this pmo? There's always the possibility for even the worst addictb in the world to recover and be totally transformed, but it takes
    1. A desire to quit the addictive behavior, and to atleast try to change the negative
    Aspects of oneself..
    2. Some time anywhere from 1 or two months upto an year, depending on the severity of the addiction and the effort to change
    3. For the severe addict, a path that is lined by withdrawal symptoms that can be quite severe, mood swings, changes in past beliefs and new perspectives on life etc all will happen..
    4. Support from others, especially family, priest etc is quite helpful..
     
  10. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    I thought it was this at first because he seemed so withdrawn from her and it seemed like he was doing it because he “needed” to instead of out of love. I told myself I’d give him a few more months. I was also convinced it was Irritable
    male Syndrome. But when I saw the “treasure trove”, everything just came together.
     
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  11. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    Why is he so angry?
    Not all of his negative behavior may be due to porn addiction... However, porn addiction and sex addiction can DEFINITELY worsen previously existing negative traits, such as anger, depression, anxiety etc many folds.
     
  12. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    It can be both... His "shit trove " can worsen all of that
     
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  13. Cool I Can Use Spaces

    Cool I Can Use Spaces Fapstronaut

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    Good point.
     
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  14. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    I’m praying for this daily. My primary prayer is for him to feel, hear and respond to Christ’s redeeming love and for him to know that he is not beyond redemption. If we cant restore our family, then at least, I hope he finds Christ and is able to share his faith with our daughter too.
     
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  15. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    Besides, porn just numbs your emotions..I myself thought I was a cold emotionless guy and that guys in general were like that, until I succeeded in giving up porn for about 6 or 7 months....
    Those days were like a heaven...I felt such intense emotions of love, hope, trust in God and others, the ability to form emotional connection with others etc ...
     
  16. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    You're a Christian? Wonderful! I beg you to Always hold on to your faith in Christ inspite of any obstacles u may face.... He will not let you down...
     
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  17. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    I know for sure he hasn’t grieved the loss of his father. His irritability and withdrawal stepped up a bit when his dad died. It was also shortly after than that I saw him get “physical” (he punched a storage box during an argument)

    But again, a lot of the files pre-date our marriage too.
     
  18. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    My advice would be to put Christ first, take care of yourself, take care of your child, and try your best to maintain your relationship... However, you know your situation best... If he is demanding divorce and is unwilling to even attempt to change himself, then consider carefully and do what you think is right....
     
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  19. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    You have my empathy and prayers... Spouses especially need to love each other and put each other first when they have a child, since it is a time of great changes.... Since you are not getting that from your SO you have my empathy and I wish the best for your family...
     
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  20. Hard to be present for all those moments of bonding as a family if your mind is elsewhere. :( That's tough stuff.
     

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