Yet Another Porn Widow (my journey)

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by alphazingersalsa, Jul 8, 2019.

  1. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations on overcoming those negative thoughts.... do not follow thoughts that give you self destructive advice..... Your body and soul are the temples in which God resides.... God will give you the strength to face anything.... God tells us the truth that our suffering is not meaningless, and they will decrease and finally end, that we have a glorious and happy destiny, and that He loves us and will always be with us....

    Definitely your Easters will come.... sufferings in this life, even though they are painful at times, will finally be turned to resurrections by God.... if we offer up our difficulties to God patiently, then we will derive many benefits from them.... We will become even better, more humble, more able to appreciate and feel the good things, more sensitive towards others who experience difficulty..... Jesus, who was innocent, also faced many crosses for our sake.... Just don't lose heart and never give up... God will protect you from harm ... He has great happiness in store for you, even in this life.....
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2019
  2. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    A painful lump is mostly due to clogged ducts, definitely continue feeding and also take lot of water and juices... It's also a good idea to get a medical checkup if it persists, or if you get fever (it's almost always benign, so don't worry)..
     
  3. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    I'm praying for you and know that Jesus is always with you... As St.Pio said, "pray, hope and don't worry"... Keep us updated when you have time....
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2019
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  4. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    “Complaining is like telling God, I don’t trust what you are going to do”

    Wow. Just wow.

    This line HIT me hard in today’s worship service.

    When I review my life in the bigger picture, a lot of the things I did not want to happen to me turned out to be for the “better”. First boyfriend? On the hindsight, he was emotionally abusive and in his own way, raped me. 2nd boyfriend? I could not imagine the rest of my life and raise my kids to be in a religion that denied Jesus’ divinity and was too focused on following “church administration”. Going to this one high school, instead
    of another? Well, it was in that other high school I met my dearest friends today. Working a minimum wage job with odd hours when I had a 5 year degree because I had to get a “headstart” - inevitably helped me learn the value of hard, physical work, set schedules and trained me to meet US work ethic standards. All the time those were my “current” situation, I cried, complained but now looking back—— I would not change any of that.

    Being right smack in the middle of the crisis, the peak of my pain, it’s very hard to see how this will pan out for the better. All I see is a broken family, single parenthood and the statistics that come
    With it. A marriage torn apart by pornography and an addiction that the afflicted is blind and oblivious to.

    In prayer the past few days, I felt the Holy Spirit ask me again and again: “You trust me, don’t you?” I responded, “Yes, Lord, I know you CAN but I don’t know of You will”. Again, He asked “You trust me, don’t you?”. I say in my head, “yes” but why is there such fear and worry and I can’t just coast and cruise thru this storm?

    I do not know what is ahead of me. Will God restore my family? Will God heal my husband and will I be around to see it? Will this divorce take an even nastier turn? Will there be an explosive event that will just turn this around?

    I really do not know!!! All I can do is continue to care for myself so I can care for my daughter well in the process. I found myself pausing a lot of times now before I decide to react. Not going to lie though, there are moments when I slip - like just a few moments ago when my daughter demolished my lego building and I told her: “Be a builder, not a destroyer! Don’t be like that furniture builder, home wrecker, Ms. [email protected]” whoops. That just came out.
     
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  5. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him" Romans 8:28

    Of course, we can voice our concerns to God and ask for his help... That's basically prayer... And feeling pain is ok.... But we should trust that God will bring good for us and never lose hope.... Because both God's goodness towards us and his power both have no limits....
     
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  6. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    Being right in the middle of crisis, yeah it can be difficult to trust that good will happen, even though that's guaranteed by God....
    You have my deepest sympathies for the troubled you're experiencing.... God definitely is looking at you with great mercy and compassion.....
    Whatever the outcome happens, let's trust in God....
     
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  7. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    I think scolding your child doesn't mean the parent is bad or anything.... My parents were often strict, and I've never been warped by that haha
     
  8. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    Even if a parent sometimes scolds his or her child unfairly or excessively, it's not a very bad thing, children should accept that their parents are also humans who make mistakes sometimes... No parent can be perfect, and both children as well as the parents should not think they can be 100% perfect.....

    As long as parents maintain a good relationship with their child its forgiveable I think if they are a bit too strict sometimes...
     
  9. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    My Meth Addict Husband Filed For Divorce

    Hello, I’m a wife of a meth addict.
    He is in active addiction and he just served me divorce papers.

    He is lying,gaslighting, blame shifting all the things addicts do.

    We have a daughter, who is barely 1.

    Our lives are basically being altered forever because my husband does NOT see his meth addiction as a problem.

    Cue supportive family members, including in-laws.

    “He clearly needs help, we need to do an intervention!”

    “This meth addiction is really an issue!”


    And now, back to reality.

    Hardly anyone believes me when I say he’s addicted porn.

    His mom is supporting his decision, thinking it comes from a rational, sound mind.

    Sound mind.

    I’ve seen the MRI images from the studies on addiction, including porn. There are hardly any differences on how the brain is physiologically altered. Science backs up this process/behaviour addiction.

    Yet, she says: “it’s normal”

    My life, my daughter’s life is forever altered by a legal decision from an addicted brain.

    If he was on meth it would sound absolutely unreasonable.

    But, since it’s porn, this is all good...
     
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  10. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    It wasn’t the scolding, I was more “ashamed” that I referenced the suspected affair partner, “ms [email protected] the furniture maker, homewrecker” when I was correcting her. LOL
     
  11. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    Riiiiiiiiight I didn't notice that... :V
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2019
  12. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    His mother is enabling his addiction..... Some parents have a warped view of love, where they think they have to support even ridiculously bad decisions made by their children, and continue to insist that their child is perfect and doesn't need to change even when the contrary is staring them In the face..... If she says porn use by her son is ok, then she's either totally ignorant of the harms of porn, or she doesn't care... seems to be the former....

    She should be persuading her son not to divorce you..... If she's actually encouraging her son to break off the most important earthly relationship (the spouse, after God) especially when he also has an infant, then (God forgive me) she's really a bit of a failure as a parent, atleast in this thing....
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2019
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  13. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    We Christians have known the truth from the beginning, revealed to us by God through his holy Word and his Church, that not only pmo, but sex outside of marriage in any form (adultery, lustful looks, flirting outside of marriage etc) are all harmful, while sex within marriage is a very good thing that's meant to further unite spouses together and make them parents also......

    Popular culture dismissed the teachings of Christianity (and also other religions) as prudery and "repression"(seriously, the Bible actually encourages spouses to not deny each other, and to enjoy each other's company)..... Proud people threw off religious values and brought in the sexual revolution (devolution) and devalued marriage... Even with the ill effects on relationships (commonplace and easy divorce, porn addiction, lack of true love in many relationships), seems like it will be some time before the culture opens its eyes, and starts to respect the marriage relationship.....
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2019
  14. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    As always, you have my prayers and earnest wishes, and my empathy for your painful situation..... It hurts me to see your husband treating you like this, instead of with the full love and devotion that should be present in all marriages....
    I'm going to say the rosary with my family.... I'll offer it to Jesus for your welfare and that of your child.... Always trust in God and never lose hope... He will bring good out of everything for us and lead you to happiness....
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2019
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  15. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    God Loves me
    God Loves my daughteR
    God loves my husband
    God loves Ms. [email protected]

    I wrote this down on my prayer journal the other day.

    I also wrote down, the battle to stop Ms. [email protected] and Hub from
    Whatever they are engaging (whether there is an actual affair or a slippery slope friendship) is not for me fight.

    Because of His love for them, He
    will correct them
    Accordingly, just as He has corrected me.

    Because of His love for them, He will stir them in the right direction.

    If they choose to act against His will, there will naturally be consequences, but it’s not for ME determine. It’s not for me to take action.

    My capabilities to stop them pale in
    Comparison to
    What He can do.

    I did not like writing that.

    I would like to stop them.
    I want to see them cry and regret what they chose to do.
    I want God to say that he’s angry at them!

    But no.

    I suppose that’s the voice of Spirit? Peace,
    Love.

    I’ve been wanting to fight so bad but something’s been pulling me a way from
    Doing so.

    Could
    It be that I don’t give an eff anymore?
     
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  16. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    In the end, the one who can best change a person is himself or herself.... We can advise them, we can encourage them, we can guide them, we can warn them of bad consequences, but ultimately each person has to change himself or atleast try to change, and ask for help.......

    About God changing people's hearts, definitely there is no restraint on His power, and he asks us to pray for all people, especially for sinners.... So definitely our prayers for others are tremendously effective.... St Monica was greatly influential in the conversion of her adulterous husband and her sinful son (who later became the famous st. Augustine) purely by her persistent prayers to God......

    In the end, it's good to do our best, and especially pray for others, but leave the results to God and accept whatever happens, trusting the results to God...
    And don't blame yourself for your husband's bad actions, because we are not at fault for the bad choices of others, not even for the closest relations....
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2019
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  17. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    Had a doctor’s appointment with the Women’s health dept. I filled out the standard questionairre which was the same ones I filled out when pregnant. They are very good about checking global distress score and potential abuse. I recall not too long (when I was pregnant about a year ago) answering “no” on all questions. When I got to the question about emotional abuse, I paused and it took so much from me to respond “yes”

    By answering “yes”, I felt like I betrayed my husband, my family, my infant child. A voice inside told me: “You histrionic drama queen! He was NOT abusive! YOU ARE! He’s always been so easy going, YOU are the one always stirring the pot!”

    But then, we read other women’s stories. We read resources. We hear from
    Pros: withholding sex/affection is a form of abuse, stonewalling is a form of abuse, lying about and consistent denial about addiction is a form of abuse, blame shifting and gaslighting is a form
    Of abuse....

    My doctor took note and gave me resources about DV. It’s officially part of my record. Was I being conniving? Or do
    I really have to call it was it is, no matter
    How harsh it sounds.

    I LOVE my husband. Admitting to myself that his behavior is abusive hurts me to the bones. I feel guilty about doing that - as though I’m exaggerating this all —-proving him right: I’m like a dramatic psycho.

    Does anyone feel this mess of emotions?
     
  18. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    I think within a relationship, those actions are hurtful behaviours that can be called emotional abuse..

    I think withholding sex/affection in a one sided way (NFP is an exception in which both spouses abstain from sex alone with mutual consent in the fertile period and can actually strengthen marriages) without a serious reason (maybe sickness, and even then, for a short time only) is an extremely hurtful behavior within something as close as marriage..... It stems a lot from people's selfishness.... They think sex is mainly about their self pleasure or orgasm, rather than a commitment to give oneself fully to ones partner and as a tool for close connection...
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2019
  19. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    Showing extreme anger, stonewalling, lying, backstabbing, gaslighting an innocent person etc are all hurtful behaviors that are unfortunately all too common in the modern day..... Your husband is definitely not alone in this...
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2019
  20. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    The disconnect between what should be the ideal in relationships and the problems seen in many relationships today are due to the erosion of family values, the erosion of Christianity etc... Besides the fact that the world is imperfect...

    Many people simply do not have or do not want to acquire the skills required for the long term, loving relationship of marriage... (Such as forgiveness, gentleness, commitment, true and full devotion)

    And they have negative baggage such as sex addictions (including porn), bad character traits (such as selfishness) etc....
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2019

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