You are your own point of origin

You got this Brethren!!!, shed all the things that don't bring you peace of mind.

 

Dude, I love this post. Haha and you're right

 

This reminds me of when I got a temp job and started going to therapy and taking anti-depressants out of guilt and shame over getting angry and breaking something, and being threatened to get kicked out of the house if it happens again.

It's only fair that I don't get angry and break things at home, and I do need to help out around the house and put money into it, but I sometimes can't help but wonder if it was all worth it.

I got two temp jobs. I got let go of one for no specified reason, I assume it's because I took Friday off on Labor Day when I was given the option. I recently lost my second job for no specified reason other than they were, "slowing down for the rest of the year" and I "wasn't a good fit". All that job did was ruin my left heel and ankle, and mess up my knees more.

I tried anti-depressants because I didn't think I could make it without them, and after about 3-4 weeks, I started feeling energetic and cocky, kind of turned into a wiseass, and started flirting with and asking out almost every woman I was remotely attracted too. But I felt mentally exhausted and restless all the time, and emotionally blunted, and I tried going to a bar, only to fail to communicate with anyone, and I felt homicidal in that moment. Like I was possessed.

After that, I just felt depressed again, like I wanted to be left alone forever, and this was on week five of the meds. I also learned that they can cause nasty side-effects if you stop them cold turkey, or even just take too high of a dose, Side-effects like hallucinations and seizures. Fuck that. I had to talk to my doctor and get weaned off them.

After that, I had to drag myself out of bed every day for work, and every day felt agonizing, with the only redeeming thing being my co-workers. Every joint and ligament in my body hurt every day, especially my knees and left foot.

Now that I've lost that temp job, I am making plans to continue studying Computer Science and hopefully get my part-time job back at Dollar General to fund my personal projects and pay my father every week without killing myself, and take up cycling so I can get healthier and have more independence, even if I don't have a vehicle.

So far, I feel more free and less depressed now that I don't have a manual labor job and have the option to just leave. Breaking my body every day for scrap change and no community, no social life, and no romantic opportunities only to most likely get tossed away after two months just seemed like bullshit.