YOU can become YOU once again! Hope still exists

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by backlashx, Jul 17, 2018.

  1. backlashx

    backlashx Fapstronaut

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    Hello my fellow fapstronauts! I've been a part of as well as religiously following this forum since the past 2 years or so. Today I've gathered up the courage to write my first post and let you guys get a glimpse into my journey towards freedom. It brings so much joy to my heart to be able to see people on nofap completely turn their lives around and prove themselves wrong that life can be so much more fulfilling without being completely engulfed in a cycle of PMO and indulging in deviant sexual behaviors. I still remember the days after I used to relapse edging to porn 6 - 8 hours a day, 3 or 5 times a week, just laying their under my blanket and wasting my energy into an empty space. It completely destroyed my relationships, made me a person who's always lazy and procrastinating to such an extent that I would cancel my doctor appointments 10 minutes before and wander on the streets endlessly right before a college test or an exam. It was like my brain didn't want to do anything mentally or emotionally challenging in the real world and I was in a constant state of escaping from it. Lies, bullshit, deception, negativity: They became my best friends in which I would find comfort in. I apologize for being brutally honest, but there were days where I used to miss my bus to college and masturbate to porn in a restaurant sitting by the window, like a creep staring at people all around me, fearing to be caught by somebody and embarrass myself in the process. This was my life back then. Soon after, I started getting serious about my religion, since I am a Muslim, and wondered if this is what will save me from the pits of despair. Unfortunately, instead of getting exposed to the right people who would've developed me as a person and taught me to have an open mindset, I was guilt tripped by people that had been around me all my life, especially my own into thinking that I was disgusting, and the wrath of God would fall upon me if I would continue on like this. Oh boy! That made relapses a hundred times worse since now I had no support from anybody. I thought about committing suicide numerous times and generally everyday, I suffered from brain fog with such sheer intensity, that I would lie in my bed for 8 hours a day and cry all night long. One sentence I would read, and the next minute I would forget completely. No motivation, extreme hair loss, debilitating brain fog, Depression, anxiety, grief over past failures, being jealous of others, envying others, and planning to live my whole life confined in my bedroom only to come out at the time of dinner or when to go to work. This was me back then. A hopeless case

    Slowly afterwards, I started following people within my own religion, certain other denominations separate from the mainstream ones, that I soon realized that being able to reason and filter the many corrupted beliefs that existed in my religion, were being pushed forward because of power struggles and a way to keep filling the pockets of the higher clergymen who control and emotionally manipulate people into being dogmatic about certain things in religion. I didn't want to go in detail when it comes to religion, but these words are coming straight from my heart as I'm writing this post. I have left those beliefs (Disrespecting people based on their religion, being controlling of women, being repulsive to anybody who disagrees with you, Having a group-think mentality even if it goes against reason, being dogmatic in your views, thinking that the only way God or a higher power loves you is to follow my religion, Shifting the focus of religion being personal to projecting it on other people in order to emotionally guilt trip them to think they're wrong) and now I have exposed myself to the people who are generally making their society better and supporting people through their wisdom, whether they be it from any background and come from any place. The only reason I mentioned these details, is to do with my outlook and how I see the world now. It feels like a sudden weight has been lifted off my shoulders and now I have been gifted this ability to think for my own. I am no longer emotionally dependent on other people and I have dedicated a major portion of my life towards self-improvement.

    I am currently on a 33 day streak, and I tell you my beloved friends, that each and every single one of those 27 days, I have done Wim hoff deep breathing twice a day, meditation for 15 minutes, 1 mile run and a 100 push-ups as well as intermittent fasting combined with eating one meal a day. Now I know different things work for different people, but each and every one of us needs to have a healthy routine in our daily lives if we are to complete our journeys and become porn-free. To all of you who think they are not capable of improving themselves, just remember a farmer and how he takes care of the crops until they ripen and come out of the ground. If he slacks off and leaves them to be, then a whole year of struggle is lost and gone to waste. I know relapses are a common part of this struggle and they are inevitable, but as long as you have the mindset of the farmer and you nurture your life as crop, you will always be motivated to crush your goals and become the best version of yourself.

    Just like me, YOU can also become confident and physically fit once again, YOU can also have better relationships once again, YOU can also accomplish and grow your empire once again, YOU can also change this world once again, YOU can also become a gentleman that women desire once again, YOU can also cultivate your sexual energy into becoming a ferocious beast constantly hungry to become a more powerful leader of the pack once again, YOU can also become addiction free once again and most importantly, YOU can also become YOU once again. No matter what happens, DO NOT GIVE UP! My support and prayers are with YOU!
     
    Klenton, Gideonite, Hamza Ji and 7 others like this.
  2. wow, thank you so much for this post. It is so inspiring to hear how you have come out of this pit. I can relate to many things you have said. God bless you! I will remember these words.
     
    Klenton and backlashx like this.
  3. GlorifyGod

    GlorifyGod Fapstronaut

    Thank you for the post! You have dropped the farmer's seed in my head.
     
    backlashx likes this.
  4. Son of shiva

    Son of shiva Fapstronaut

    Reading your post it appeared to me that I am reading my own life story,thanks for sharing it here,I am also on day 31 and I hope that will will win this battle
    Keep sailing
     
    Deleted Account and Cool_Bro like this.
  5. Mike28

    Mike28 Fapstronaut

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    Hey man congrats on your streak. I have two questions though:
    1) can you please explain what you mean by brain fog?
    2) do you think intermittent fasting helped you with nofap?
     
  6. Great post.very inspiring.:emoji_thumbsup::emoji_thumbsup::emoji_thumbsup:
     
  7. backlashx

    backlashx Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys! Just wanted to say that I very much appreciate each and every one of you for taking the time out and reading my post. I'm glad that I could be at your service and share my thoughts with you. Just recently I relapsed since you can see that I have reset my counter. I was browsing online to download some books from a torrent website and lo and behold, my eyes suddenly set on the porn category. I clicked out of curiosity, and just by reading the text I lost all control over myself. I went on a female friendly website and paid for a membership. Relapsed in 15 minutes, closed the website, and cancelled the membership quickly. One thing I did right after is that I changed the email and passwords for both accounts, website and the email that I used to sign up for that website. Thankfully I had the sense to do these things and did not binge the whole night. Since I did rack up 34 days of being porn free, I do feel a sense of calmness and thank God I didn't guilt trip myself into binging like crazy, which I've done numerous times. I did all of my good habits today that I mentioned in my post, right after coming from work, and I feel much better than yesterday. I will keep on going forward and not this relapse make me go down that deep dung-hole again. I sincerely request you guys to please share with me your stories and your struggle just so that we can help each other along our journeys. I'll keep each and every one of you updated, I promise.
     
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  8. backlashx

    backlashx Fapstronaut

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    Hey Chris25! Thank you for asking those questions! I'll try to answer with the best of my ability

    1) By brain fog, I mean a general sense of disassociation from reality and always feeling like I have a cloud floating on top of my head. No matter what I read or study or try to recall, it feels like my brain is so crippled and weak, that it just gives up and shuts itself down. Trust me, it's something that I don't even wish my enemies have to go through since it has completely wrecked my previous life and stopped me from doing anything for myself and others. Whenever I used to have severe brain-fog, I also used to get angry on everything and lost all my self-confidence to the extent that I just wanted to put a knife through my head. Although now, the severity of symptoms have gradually decreased and now I can actually feel like there's is a functioning brain in my head, which I never used to feel before. One thing that I would say that has helped ease my mental fog is ginkgo biloba that I take 2 times a day and amino acids right after waking up in the morning, practicing Wim Hoff, once in the morning and once right before sleeping, along with running a mile and doing Yoga everyday. However I believe, fasting has helped me the most to regain control over myself.

    2) For your second question, Just like I mentioned earlier in the first answer, Intermittent fasting and eating one meal a day has helped me recover from every single negative withdrawal symptom. I only eat dinner after 24 hours of fasting, and combine chicken or beef with vegetables and fruits. When I wake up in the morning, I eat a teaspoon of turmeric for anti-inflammation, ginger for vitality and a bunch of seeds grinded together alongside Lecithin for brain and hear health. Please be careful If you would like to transition to this diet in the future because during the start I used to get massive headaches and feel thirsty the whole no matter how much water I drank. Now it just feels natural. I urge you to try different kinds of intermittent fasting diets, there are plenty if you search online, and incorporate which one best suits your needs. Through intermittent fasting, You will develop self-control which will help you to transform every single area of your life, including nofap. Hope that helps and please keep me updated. :)
     
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  9. backlashx

    backlashx Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for reading. Hope it helps you along your Nofap journey!
     
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  10. backlashx

    backlashx Fapstronaut

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    We both are in the same boat! As long as one of us keeps the boat afloat, the boat won't sink. I appreciate your kind words and I hope as well as pray that you keep on pushing through every challenge that life might throw at you. Be vigilant and keep the streak going. I congratulate you on being 31 days fap-free! WE will win this battle, all of us together!
     
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  11. backlashx

    backlashx Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad I could motivate you! Let that seed grow and become the biggest tree, that when you look at it, it reminds you of your success. Your most welcome. Take care!
     
  12. backlashx

    backlashx Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for taking the time out to read my story. I'm so thankful that somebody could relate to what I've been through. God bless you too and keep on moving forward. I'm grateful that these few words have impacted another living human being. :)
     
  13. backlashx

    backlashx Fapstronaut

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    I do apologize if I'm not too articulated and organized in my replies because after all I do feel a little bit foggy since my last relapse.
     
    Khaleel3950 likes this.
  14. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    You got a good mindset and not going hard on yourself. You have my support!
     
    backlashx likes this.
  15. Very inspiring story . When I read your story I felt like that's exactly what happening to me . But I don't know what to do with it. I have been struggling with this for years..and this year was so tough for me. I fought so hard and yeah I got better but I failed eventually. By the beginning of this summer I stared to develop new habits such as reading, hanging out,doing the things that I love....and know that I live alone and I am an introvert. I don't socialize with people and always wanna be alone. I Tried to socialize. And I apllied for jobs. I just wanted to busy myself and be around people but I failed. I didn't get any job and all my friends in the past aren't here anymore. I feel so lonely.. my health was decreasing throughout the year and now I feel like my brain is damaged, u call it a brain fog but I have no idea what is that .I don't even know what's wrong with me.Every time I thought of death. But I am not ready to die . I messed up my life .I ruined it by myself. I really need help :(
    I'm sorry if I am off topic and not organized I just can't think or do anything.
     
    backlashx likes this.
  16. Khaleel3950

    Khaleel3950 Fapstronaut

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    Bro even i’m a muslim its disgusting that we all have gone through this dirty habit. I’ll pray to Allah that He should heal all of us from the negative effects of this evil practice.
    But as you mentioned that your brain was not functioning properly before and u used to forget things. So my question is How’s your brain now can u memorise things now.( how’s your memory now and how it used to be before) and Do you get Wetdreams if yes what is the frequency.Lastly You had mentioned about Extreme hairloss,how’s it now still ur losing the hair or what’s the condition of your hair.May Allah heal Us.
    Ameen
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2018
    backlashx likes this.
  17. backlashx

    backlashx Fapstronaut

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    I can totally relate to what you said. Sometimes the struggle gets unbearable. My only advice to you, based on little experience that i have, is to keep pushing yourself no matter how hard it gets. As you can see, the title in my post is there to keep giving you motivation whenever you feel the need to read it. Just like you, I used to have the same thoughts that what if my brain is so severely damaged that I won't be able to do anything mentally challenging in the future. No matter how hard it got, with prolonged use of supplements, Exercise and meditation, at a much later stage in my reboot, I could feel that my brain health was getting significantly better. One thing to note is that our brains can adapt to any situation you throw at them. Please look into neuroplasticity to get a better idea of how your brain works. Personally I don't know too much about it although I will research in detail once I have enough time. Please don't lose hope, If you end up hurting yourself physically or mentally, you'll have to live with this guilt for the rest of your life. Everyday used to be more depressing than the previous one. You have to gather up the energy to do something meaningful that will make you a better person. Just know that the only person that'll be able to to help you is yourself. No matter what happens, don't give up. You're bound to find like minded people that can help you transform as a person. Speaking of being unorganized, please take some time out to go to a place where nobody can disturb you and you are only by yourself. Sit down and think about everything that has happened in your life, sort out your strengths and weaknesses and make a list accordingly. Trust me, when you have written down all these scattered thoughts, you will be able to be much more organized and plan accordingly what you need to do or what task you need to implement first towards your wellbeing. Shoot me a message if you feel overwhelmed or if you feel like you need somebody to talk to. You'll always find me supportive towards whatever you do.
     
  18. backlashx

    backlashx Fapstronaut

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    SubhanAllah man! I'm so grateful that you read my post. Since you are also Muslim, Assalamualikum my brother! As to your first statement, I can only say that this is one habit that makes a person distant from Allah, family, work and being happy and satisfied with your life. I have seen personal accounts of people that have destroyed their marriage, wrecked their careers and ruined themselves to a great extent. Although, the ones who kept pushing themselves, came out even stronger and are now living satisfying and happy lives. Sometimes Allah only makes us go through immense struggles just to make us appreciate our efforts and to make us realize that wea re capable of great things, not what the world says otherwise.

    I can say that my short term memory is still not fully functional, however compared to a state before, when I used to lie in my bed all day long having brain spasms and migraines while not being able to read a single line of any text without forgetting immediately, it's much better now. I still feel my brain is slow, but I just have to keep pushing through my reboot to experience that wonderful feeling of no brain fog. Since I knew that reboot would take a long time, I eat 60 mg of ginkgo biloba twice everyday and do anything that increases blood flow to the brain, like drinking Cayyene pepper water and doing yoga. I sincerely urge you to look into specific supplements that can boost your brainpower and atleast help you along your recovery until your brain completely heals. Again, I'm not a doctor, so please test and try it first and if it works, then Alhamdulillah. If not then you always have other options.

    As for the wet dreams, I do get them from time to time and I feel relieved when that happens. Frequency is about once or twice in a week since I practice sexual transmutation, which is spreading your sexual energy all over your body which can give you strength and vitality. Atleast that reduces any urge my body has for a wet dream.

    Now for the hairloss, that I can confidently say was a complete mess. Since I used to ejaculate 5 times to hardcore material, it completed destroyed my immune system to an extent where I got sebbhoreic dermatitis all over my head. Went to many doctors and they gave me prescription shampoos with chemical filled creams, which interestingly gave me no relief. Now no matter even If I have to survive on 2 hours of sleep a day because of busy schedule, I still apply coconut oil with Cayenne pepper mixed in it twice in a day and I wash my hair with slight cold water. That has reduced the intensity to a much greater extent where I don't have any itching on my head. From time to time, I do experience a flare up but I have also eliminated that by going on a sugar free as well as gluten free diet.

    And finally to your dua, Ameen!
     
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  19. backlashx

    backlashx Fapstronaut

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    I totally forgot to add one more thing, please look into brain supplements as well since you mentioned you also had brain fog. I'm sure there's many out there with minimal to no side effects such as turmeric, ginger, Ginkgo Biloba and ginseng just to name a few. If you have time, get a physical and see if you have any deficiencies. Often times, we don't know the underlying cause of many reactions going inside our bodies until we find out that they are a direct result of our bodies being deficient in certain nutrients. Personally supplementing with certain herbs has helped me reduce my brain fog by 50%. I wish you the best man and stay strong. You'll come out of it. YOU will!
     
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  20. Wonderful post @backlashx thanks for sharing !! Cheers & keep going :)
     

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