You cannot use your partner as your porn

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by MerseyPhoenix, Apr 16, 2020.

  1. MerseyPhoenix

    MerseyPhoenix Fapstronaut

    Your partner, whether s/he exists yet or not, cannot take up the slack provided by your lack of PMO. Imagine trying to have sex with your partner as frequently and for the length of time you consume porn. It's not possible. For some, this is the attraction, but you have to dial-down your sex life, if this is to work.
    If you are very fortunate you may have sex every day with your partner. That equates to about three hours. Three hours is about half a daily session for me.
    We need to get our sex life down to equitable figures. Something to think about.
     
  2. BreakingDawn

    BreakingDawn Fapstronaut

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    This is a really helpful perspective.
     
    Sootie likes this.
  3. Love2LongBoard

    Love2LongBoard Fapstronaut

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    It’s not just about the amount of time either. If we are just using our SO’s body to have an orgasm it will keep us in the cycle of self harm.

    This is where a mindset shift is so important. If we are using our wives bodies the same way we use pornography or masturbation it will continue to lead us back to P and M.

    Not to mention the emotional and sometimes physical pain our SO’s endure when we treat them like objects.
     
  4. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    @MerseyPhoenix the average sex encounter a couple have is 1.5 times a week (there are studies about it). Let say one hour each encounter (I'm been really generous).. that's 1.5 hours a week.

    So you are basically fapping 6 hours a day... that's insane.
    Yeap, you really need to lower that average.. no girl in the world is that into sex to be with a guy that many hours.
     
  5. BreakingDawn

    BreakingDawn Fapstronaut

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    Not for very long. First week of an intense relationship? Things happen.

    Want to have a relationship go into week two, three, four, eight hundred?

    Going to need to learn sexual self-control. Going to need to learn how to enjoy sexuality so as to promote the health and longevity of a relationship, not simply to gratify what you perceive as your "needs."
     
  6. eagle rising

    eagle rising Fapstronaut

    Yes! I believe this can be extended beyond just comparing time spent PMOing and time spent having sex with your SO. It is about love and compassion. It is about a connection in the spiritual, beyond the physical.
     
  7. AnthonyyVibess

    AnthonyyVibess Fapstronaut

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    I get what everybody is saying but i see nothing wrong with this not unless 1.) your partner’s libido isn’t that high and 2.) you’re not going “sex crazy” and sex is the only thing that’s driving you. If me n my partner both enjoy sex and can enjoy it multiple times in a day for whatever length without it contradicting our paths to success then by all means I’m goin to keep enjoying sex. It can’t be so black n white. I find more n more each day that the purpose of nofap isn’t to shame or regulate sexual actions but to have a healthy mindset and approach to it that best suits you as individual AND whoever you’re with bc it’s definitely a two way street and for the most part should be
     
    tonyk1982 likes this.

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