You didn't fail

I relapsed again after 126 days or so. But this is a story about success!

This message is an effort to bring something good. I'm not actually telling you a story, but I'm asking questions about the making of one.

I am on day 1 after relapsing for about a week and feeling great! Why? Because I chose to. I learned that the guilt only makes me want to escape from the pain that it brings, so I engage with all kinds of pleasures I can get and the guilt comes again as a result, keeping the circle going.
After months I learned this and now the guilt is gone. I mean... It is still here, but the one who listens isn't. It was not easy... What I wanna say is... Keep feeding what you want. Even when it feels like hell, decide what you want and don't change your direction! It gets better. You can make mistakes, and you will. You probably will fall one way or the other, but it's your choice to decide when to get up and to keep going. You can do it now.

We only engage too much in physical pleasure because we don't have joy. Isn't that true? That's what you have to find! Within you! Feed your love, your joy, your peace, your awareness. It's not gonna be perfect, but your can do your best. That I know you can do. What is the best you can do now? Some days my best was to make my bed, some other days not even that. Sometimes we forget we can do something. Writing this is what I can do now. It's not perfect.

I want to tell you everything I did that kept me "on the path" and maybe that'll inspire you... but the truth is, we have a lot in common, but we're different. Yes, you have to take care of your body and keep it healthy, take care of the air that you breathe, the earth you walk upon, the sun that also gives you life, the water, the food, the way you relate with other beings... Nature. Your mind! What are you feeding it? Whatever it is it will multiply! But we all have different challenges.

I'm gonna say it now. Your challenges are your best friends, if you are afraid of them, the part of you that's afraid is the same one that keeps you enslaved, this is not your friend and this is the one who sometimes may say "I wanna die", and it should, not you. Your challenges are gonna refine you. At the same time you don't have to push yourself too much. Are you being respectful? To your body, your energies, your mind, your surroundings... To any kind of being that you know? After all it's all a reflection, the way you behave is the way you are inside if I'm not being too superficial... It always tells something, doesn't it?

Are you afraid to be kind? That's your challenge. Are you afraid to talk about your emotions? That's your challenge. What is life begging you to do? Independence? Trust? Patience? Know yourself the best you can.

What are you doing for others? How are you being useful to those around you? You are never alone and you are never useless, you can always do something, even the way you look at someone, the way you speak can change a person's day, and yours too! But don't try to change only what you do, but the way you are! And see inside, what is true. Find that place where you are already still and complete.

How are you within? Where are you actions coming from?

Be creative, be open. You can only receive when you have opened hands, isn't it? So open yourself up to give! Open yourself up to feel, to express, to know!

Do you know yourself? You know what you want? Have you decided what's essential for you? Because it's time and you are the only one who can do it... If you want to live in a better world where should it start?