You need to be okay with being single/incel

I wanted to make a thread about this, but you said it better than me. Ive been obsessed over the years with finding the right partner, but all I did was become desperate and lonely.

I want to focus 100% on me. I want to follow my dreams and make them into a reality. I dont want to stress myself anymore for being single I just want to find meaning, happiness and have a fruitfull fullfilling life.

 

I am totally cool with being single. Some poeple confuse the meaning of the words alone and lonely. I'm alone, but I don't feel lonely and a relationship shouldn't be a reason for someone to be happy.

 

As I’ve gotten older I’ve found celibacy more appealing. After almost 25 years of dating and relationships I’m exhausted. I have no desire to continue the chase. Once that desire goes it’s not that hard to be celibate.

 

Hi everyone
I thought being new to this I would take a stab at group discussions and add in my pennies worth

To the person who is trying to not feel their desires for relationship, similar to what the girl said, in relationship is where you grow.

Relationship is part of being human, it's actually the fundamental behaviour that ties us and the rest of living things to this world, we are all connected. To want to feel connection is to be alive.

If it were me, i would listen to my desire and take it deeper and listen to what it is asking of me. It may be i feel completely disconnected from myself, from my parents, from my niece or my sistervov. I may feel disconnected from my creativity, from 'god' or nature.

Listen in, part of hearing, navigating and taking the needed course of action is part of developing the adult. The more you try, the more you will know what you need and get better at meeting those needs.

Seek out relationship, connectedness, practice and you'll know what it is your heart is truly asking of you.

A quote i love has guided me over recent years: 'enjoy where you are, on the way to where your going.'

Feed and connect to yourself while preparing yourself for connection with others

x

 

Most people go get a random girlfriend to fill up void in their lives anyways.
As long as I know that I can have a fabulous time being myself as a single, I have nothing to lose when ever I talk to a girl...when I get a rejection, I still have great life.
However, there are a couple of things that I personally value more than an average relationship, being married with your dream wife is something else but an awesome goal your working on while you can feel the improvement day by day is better than a freaking relationship.

 

Complex issue this. Not onesided. If you have had a few good, sound and healthy relationships in the recent past I can see me and others really feeling the lack there of. But it is from time to time. Sometimes when I see some of my friends and their girlfriends I do not experience any feelings of emptiness or that I am missing out mainy because there relationships sucks for the most part. Neither one of them seem particularly happy and they'd probably both be better of being single then pushing this bad idea to the limit. So it is back and forth for me,but I think it is more fruitful for myself to have another approach to it all. Apparently I am not that successfull att seeking, I think the chances are alot higher being more down to earth and self-absorbed to be perfectly honest.

Only thing with that is everybody else is so bloody self-absorbed too that chances are usualy slim you actually connect with anybody else anyways.

 

Unlikely. You are below average looking/other defect - therefore you are single. Desperate vibes are a consequence, but not likely the cause.

Go to the gym and girls will be attracted to you.This Hollywood scenario of girls caring too much about you that they are afraid if you focus too much on them - is kind of naive. Girls are attracted to looks, power, money, real tangible things. Stop dreaming that girls care only about the soul or character or personality.

BS. There is no such thing as an incel. You can get sex with just 20$. Obviously you should get sex only with > 200$ escorts, for safety reasons. But the point is that every single man can pay for sex.

Isaac Newton was rich, had servants, was famous, had groupies, gained the favor of the king and queen, etc. He could have had sex 10 times a day with 10 different women - if he wanted. He cared about other things and not sex, but this does not make him an incel.


Go to the gym and get a good job. It will hugely improve your success with women. Also go to escorts, and lots, if you feel sad or depressed or frustrated for lack of female attention.

 

You never get sex for free. Women always want to gain something in exchange for their sex. At least this is what they are raised to do.

A bad situation for you is to be sex deprived for a long time (years) then fall prey to the first girl that has sex with you.