Your ego will consume you

E

Erick Pastora

Fapstronaut
Here's a very important topic which I think people should pay more attention to: your ego. Have you ever been one of those people who goes to a place and just has an awful perspective on everybody who seems happy? Have you ever despised other people feeling that they have the happiness and the fun you don't? Have you ever found yourself so strange in the world and you can't seem to understand what others have that you don't? If you have ever felt this way you're sabotaging yourself and you're hiding in a big ego shell.

First things first, understand your ego. Because many times you see people like Eckhart Tolle talk about shattering it away and you come to believe it's a plague from the outer world. No, the exact opposite. You have to understand that your ego is part of you, it's not a bug that someone put into you, it's really your unconscious mind protecting you. Protecting you from what? Being hurt, being sad, being angry, being afraid, being frustrated. Whenever those feelings arrive you don't really realize it but you're unconsciously protecting yourself by denying those feelings.

Let me tell you a little story about me. When I started college this girl appeared in my life and for me it was so weird that a girl I liked actually liked me back, problem is she had a boyfriend. We started seeing each other, talking until 2 am, kissing where nobody could see us. And I felt joy, I felt loved, it was a great feeling, and whenever we have that our mind creates in your imagination a perfect world in which you're going to feel like that forever and where that situation that brought you joy is going to keep being there for a while. But then reality hit me, hard. She wouldn't leave her boyfriend because they were basically too codependent, but I kept hanging on to this fantasy in which she would leave him and come to me. Finally what happened is I gave her an ultimatum, I told her it's him or me and she didn't really say it but her actions told me it was him. That moment when I realized that was horrible, my whole fantasy was broken down. So then what happened was that I started hating her, lots. I would think of revenge, of making her life miserable, of how she had used me and wouldn't give me what I thought she owed me. I basically felt joy on thinking how her life could be miserable.

But then I discovered something. It wasn't her I was really hating, it was me. I was really hurt and I felt so much self hate that my ego would protect me and use that hate towards her. And what I couldn't realize is that I was depriving myself from great things for the future. Also, this wasn't my only bad experience with a girl, so my ego started protecting me from being that hurt again. All that lightheartedness that you need to have great social interactions, especially with women, I didn't have it and all of those past experiences were so hurtful that my ego would just protect me and that's where insted of acting bravely with fear, I always chose not to act when I was afraid, so that kind of things wouldn't happen ever again. And funny enough, for a very shy guy I had a HUGE ego, and I still do, I'm just handling it from a different perspective.

So, now that I have exemplified how your ego keeps you from getting out of your comfort zone and getting hurt, I'll give you some tips that hopefully keep you from having those same bad experiences that I had.

First, as I said earlier, acknowledge your ego as a part of you. Don't ever blame someone or something else for the way you are. Whenever you feel that you're hating on other people take a moment and listen to yourself. Really listen to you and have this in mind: "This is my ego trying to protect me, because I feel hurt". Now that you've acknowledge that identify why are you hurt and how are you feeling. Dealing with your feelings is the ONLY way in which you can stop being driven by them and instead drive them to a greater future. Let yourself feel scared, sad, angry and frustrated, so then those feelings don't stay inside your mind and eventually feed on the negative side of your experiences.

Once you learn how to manage your ego, you'll stop feeling hurt. Always be humble, never be too good for anything, never think something is not good enough for you. You can manage your ego by destroying self hate, and you destroy self hate by having self love. Doesn't matter the situation you're at, things not going as you expect them, you can always count on yourself.

To finish this post, here's a very useful advice. Imagine your experiences are apples and they're in a tree. So you grab an apple from the tree and you taste it. If it tasted good (good experiences) put it in your basket (your mind), if it tasted bad (bad experiences) get the good part (knowledge) out of it, put it in your basket and throw the rest away.
 
Last edited:
Thank you for your story and your experiences. I also like the metaphor with the apple tree.

Nevertheless, I am not into objectifying "the" "ego". What is the ego you speak of? Who or what is the "you" in the sentence "Your ego will consume you", if not "your ego" itself? In some literature you find a differentiation between ego and (higher/transcendental) self, but even this is objectification, because in the end, there is only one you and one me. Just a thought.
 
Headspace said:
Thank you for your story and your experiences. I also like the metaphor with the apple tree.

Nevertheless, I am not into objectifying "the" "ego". What is the ego you speak of? Who or what is the "you" in the sentence "Your ego will consume you", if not "your ego" itself? In some literature you find a differentiation between ego and (higher/transcendental) self, but even this is objectification, because in the end, there is only one you and one me. Just a thought.
Click to expand...

@Headspace are you being yourself, or are you being controlled by your EGO.

How would YOU possibly know the difference if the EGO is controlling you? *

*This question wasn't intentionally directed at you but posed in a way to illicit a personal response, it was more generic actually - posed to everyone reading.
 
Last edited:
Headspace said:
Thank you for your story and your experiences. I also like the metaphor with the apple tree.

Nevertheless, I am not into objectifying "the" "ego". What is the ego you speak of? Who or what is the "you" in the sentence "Your ego will consume you", if not "your ego" itself? In some literature you find a differentiation between ego and (higher/transcendental) self, but even this is objectification, because in the end, there is only one you and one me. Just a thought.
Click to expand...
Your mind is a one, yes. But it's like your emotions are fighting towards an idea. So for example if you trigger the side of the brain in which pain happens your emotions instantly burst and you try to calm the fire like that SpongeBob's brain meme. So instead of sheltering in denial of your emotion you feel it and accept it.
 
For anyone interested in reading into this in more depth pick up a copy of Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self by C.G.Jung.
 
Erick Pastora said:
Here's a very important topic which I think people should pay more attention to: your ego. Have you ever been one of those people who goes to a place and just has an awful perspective on everybody who seems happy? Have you ever despised other people feeling that they have the happiness and the fun you don't? Have you ever found yourself so strange in the world and you can't seem to understand what others have that you don't? If you have ever felt this way you're sabotaging yourself and you're hiding in a big ego shell.

First things first, understand your ego. Because many times you see people like Eckhart Tolle talk about shattering it away and you come to believe it's a plague from the outer world. No, the exact opposite. You have to understand that your ego is part of you, it's not a bug that someone put into you, it's really your unconscious mind protecting you. Protecting you from what? Being hurt, being sad, being angry, being afraid, being frustrated. Whenever those feelings arrive you don't really realize it but you're unconsciously protecting yourself by denying those feelings.

Let me tell you a little story about me. When I started college this girl appeared in my life and for me it was so weird that a girl I liked actually liked me back, problem is she had a boyfriend. We started seeing each other, talking until 2 am, kissing where nobody could see us. And I felt joy, I felt loved, it was a great feeling, and whenever we have that our mind creates in your imagination a perfect world in which you're going to feel like that forever and where that situation that brought you joy is going to keep being there for a while. But then reality hit me, hard. She wouldn't leave her boyfriend because they were basically too codependent, but I kept hanging on to this fantasy in which she would leave him and come to me. Finally what happened is I gave her an ultimatum, I told her it's him or me and she didn't really say it but her actions told me it was him. That moment when I realized that was horrible, my whole fantasy was broken down. So then what happened was that I started hating her, lots. I would think of revenge, of making her life miserable, of how she had used me and wouldn't give me what I thought she owed me. I basically felt joy on thinking how her life could be miserable.

But then I discovered something. It wasn't her I was really hating, it was me. I was really hurt and I felt so much self hate that my ego would protect me and use that hate towards her. And what I couldn't realize is that I was depriving myself from great things for the future. Also, this wasn't my only bad experience with a girl, so my ego started protecting me from being that hurt again. All that lightheartedness that you need to have great social interactions, especially with women, I didn't have it and all of those past experiences were so hurtful that my ego would just protect me and that's where insted of acting bravely with fear, I always chose not to act when I was afraid, so that kind of things wouldn't happen ever again. And funny enough, for a very shy guy I had a HUGE ego, and I still do, I'm just handling it from a different perspective.

So, now that I have exemplified how your ego keeps you from getting out of your comfort zone and getting hurt, I'll give you some tips that hopefully keep you from having those same bad experiences that I had.

First, as I said earlier, acknowledge your ego as a part of you. Don't ever blame someone or something else for the way you are. Whenever you feel that you're hating on other people take a moment and listen to yourself. Really listen to you and have this in mind: "This is my ego trying to protect me, because I feel hurt". Now that you've acknowledge that identify why are you hurt and how are you feeling. Dealing with your feelings is the ONLY way in which you can stop being driven by them and instead drive them to a greater future. Let yourself feel scared, sad, angry and frustrated, so then those feelings don't stay inside your mind and eventually feed on the negative side of your experiences.

Once you learn how to manage your ego, you'll stop feeling hurt. Always be humble, never be too good for anything, never think something is not good enough for you. You can manage your ego by destroying self hate, and you destroy self hate by having self love. Doesn't matter the situation you're at, things not going as you expect them, you can always count on yourself.

To finish this post, here's a very useful advice. Imagine your experiences are apples and they're in a tree. So you grab an apple from the tree and you taste it. If it tasted good (good experiences) put it in your basket (your mind), if it tasted bad (bad experiences) get the good part (knowledge) out of it, put it in your basket and throw the rest away.
Click to expand...
Oh, I rellay liked that one. Something to think about. Also I liked the apple-tree.
 
tweeby said:
@Headspace are you being yourself, or are you being controlled by your EGO.
Click to expand...
Yeah, but what is the difference between being "myself" and being "my ego", other than semantics? If it is control by something which I am not aware of, how can I ever tell if I am being "myself", when it could always be a manifestation of "my ego" as well? "Ego" is simply Latin for "I", but even people who have overcome "their ego" need to use the word "I", and somehow, while neo-religious literature constantly talks about "the ego", it hardly mentions "the I". How come that? "Ego" is just "I" in a different language, nothing more.

A personal example: I made music in the past, I put my heart and soul into it, and I really liked what I created. You could say I felt completely aligned with what I did. However, fast forward to now, my taste in music utterly changed, and the type of music I listened to and created - despite being artful and skillful - gives me a really bad vibe now. [When I talk about it in a pub I like to say that BDSM sex is artful, too, but that doesn't make it good or enjoyable.] I would assume that, according to your logic, the music I made back then came from my "ego" instead of my "true self". But when I did it, it really felt like my true self. I was doing something very individual and creative, e.g. using scales I don't believe anyone used before in that genre. Now I use writing as a creative outlet, but having made this experience with my music before: How am I supposed to know it is my real me, not my ego typing these words? How am I supposed to know this in any situation of my life?

Wouldn't it be more plausible to say that I overcame certain struggles I was having before, that I basically intuitively solved a psychological puzzle of mine and am now ready to tackle the next one, growing on the inside and gaining wisdom each day? There is no ego that needs to be overcome, there is just me who needs to heal.
Erick Pastora said:
But then I discovered something. It wasn't her I was really hating, it was me. I was really hurt and I felt so much self hate that my ego would protect me and use that hate towards her.
Click to expand...
This is a classic example for the psychological phenomenon called projection, and what @Erick Pastora calls "ego" in this sentence is what is called the "censor" in psychoanalysis, which is an unconscious part of the (partly conscious and partly unconscious) ego, but far from being identical with the ego as a whole. The censor controls and changes the associations between your feelings and your ideas. When your censor doesn't allow to associate the feeling of hatred with the idea of yourself, or a certain part of yourself, it associates the feeling with a surrogate idea, which could be another person. That way, the psychic energy of the emotion can be let out, but in the end it is a lie, and when you reach a point where you can't escape the truth anymore, you might either seek comfort in very irrational and potentially destructive reactions to distract yourself, or you might be strong enough to admit the lie, as @Erick Pastora was ;) (Yes, I used the words "lie" and "truth" myself now, but I'm only referring to associations between certain emotions and ideas here, not generalizing "ego" and "self".) The censor disconnects conscious and unconscious, and when the OP talks about a shift in perspective regarding his ego, I assume he has become aware of the censor inside, leading him to be more careful in his actions, less judgemental in his opinions and probably more rational, too. But this censor hardly equals what you mean when you say "I".

Stopping now. Long post.
 
^^ Very interesting indeed.

I guess a thought experiment might be necessary, but its 'conclusions are up in the air' so to speak.

Consider the popular quote, was it Socrates/Plato, I can't remember.

'I think therefore I am.'

This draws us to the conclusion that we ARE nothing more than our thoughts. If our thoughts do NOT define who we ARE, then who exactly ARE we. Interesting of course no doubt, but provokes the following thought experiment.

'What if who we think we are is nothing more than the pressures we give into from society, social norms and perhaps religion? Does that mean what we think we are, is false. Are we just becoming the EGO? And if we are how do we KNOW this?'

For example, a psychologist will be able to see the faults of someone they are helping but they are unable to see their own faults.

I guess what I'm saying is, how does one actually KNOW if they are destroying the EGO or in fact they are just being ruled by it?
 
Last edited:
Headspace said:
Yeah, but what is the difference between being "myself" and being "my ego", other than semantics? If it is control by something which I am not aware of, how can I ever tell if I am being "myself", when it could always be a manifestation of "my ego" as well? "Ego" is simply Latin for "I", but even people who have overcome "their ego" need to use the word "I", and somehow, while neo-religious literature constantly talks about "the ego", it hardly mentions "the I". How come that? "Ego" is just "I" in a different language, nothing more.

A personal example: I made music in the past, I put my heart and soul into it, and I really liked what I created. You could say I felt completely aligned with what I did. However, fast forward to now, my taste in music utterly changed, and the type of music I listened to and created - despite being artful and skillful - gives me a really bad vibe now. [When I talk about it in a pub I like to say that BDSM sex is artful, too, but that doesn't make it good or enjoyable.] I would assume that, according to your logic, the music I made back then came from my "ego" instead of my "true self". But when I did it, it really felt like my true self. I was doing something very individual and creative, e.g. using scales I don't believe anyone used before in that genre. Now I use writing as a creative outlet, but having made this experience with my music before: How am I supposed to know it is my real me, not my ego typing these words? How am I supposed to know this in any situation of my life?

Wouldn't it be more plausible to say that I overcame certain struggles I was having before, that I basically intuitively solved a psychological puzzle of mine and am now ready to tackle the next one, growing on the inside and gaining wisdom each day? There is no ego that needs to be overcome, there is just me who needs to heal.

This is a classic example for the psychological phenomenon called projection, and what @Erick Pastora calls "ego" in this sentence is what is called the "censor" in psychoanalysis, which is an unconscious part of the (partly conscious and partly unconscious) ego, but far from being identical with the ego as a whole. The censor controls and changes the associations between your feelings and your ideas. When your censor doesn't allow to associate the feeling of hatred with the idea of yourself, or a certain part of yourself, it associates the feeling with a surrogate idea, which could be another person. That way, the psychic energy of the emotion can be let out, but in the end it is a lie, and when you reach a point where you can't escape the truth anymore, you might either seek comfort in very irrational and potentially destructive reactions to distract yourself, or you might be strong enough to admit the lie, as @Erick Pastora was ;) (Yes, I used the words "lie" and "truth" myself now, but I'm only referring to associations between certain emotions and ideas here, not generalizing "ego" and "self".) The censor disconnects conscious and unconscious, and when the OP talks about a shift in perspective regarding his ego, I assume he has become aware of the censor inside, leading him to be more careful in his actions, less judgemental in his opinions and probably more rational, too. But this censor hardly equals what you mean when you say "I".

Stopping now. Long post.
Click to expand...
Hahaha dude you're really into psychology. Great post, learning more is never bad. I don't use quite the psychologist terminology because I try to be more of a motivational speaker as @tweeby said in my other post. But yeah I mean it's the connotation which is more important than the denotation, doesn't really matter how you call it, if your ideas are in the right place you're good to go.

tweeby said:
I guess what I'm saying is, how does one actually KNOW if they are destroying the EGO or in fact they are just being ruled by it?
Click to expand...
I agree with that (I think it's Descartes) philosophy of the power of your ideas. Everyone can have their own philosophy, it's what mainly rules your actions and life.
 
In zen Buddhism, the core philosophy is to achieve Nirvana or enlightenment.

Enlightenment is often summarised as 'the end of suffering.'

But one key driving idea in Buddhism is that there is neither good or bad. Simply, things just ARE. And I think this is part of what you're getting at with the initial post.

There are of course bad experiences and good experiences, although these are perceived. For example, do you need to make a lot of money to feel good, or can you feel good without making that money? Same with girls, are you basing what somebody else's girlfriend looks like to determine your emotional happiness?

Anyway, if we take the idea that there is nothing good or bad - only that's just how it is, we should be able to cope with life situations easier and react less to it. I think this is an important idea.

Now I'm not saying we should just shut down to and become emotionless as that would be rather inattentive. But if we say, shit happened, I wonder why that happened, how might I change it so that shit don't happen again.

^I think that's the winning formula, at least that's the take away I got from the OP.
 
Is it okay if I share this with my gf? She struggles kind of a lot with this topic.

Your post: Simply amazing. Thank you so much!
 
Erick Pastora said:
Here's a very important topic which I think people should pay more attention to: your ego. Have you ever been one of those people who goes to a place and just has an awful perspective on everybody who seems happy? Have you ever despised other people feeling that they have the happiness and the fun you don't? Have you ever found yourself so strange in the world and you can't seem to understand what others have that you don't? If you have ever felt this way you're sabotaging yourself and you're hiding in a big ego shell.

First things first, understand your ego. Because many times you see people like Eckhart Tolle talk about shattering it away and you come to believe it's a plague from the outer world. No, the exact opposite. You have to understand that your ego is part of you, it's not a bug that someone put into you, it's really your unconscious mind protecting you. Protecting you from what? Being hurt, being sad, being angry, being afraid, being frustrated. Whenever those feelings arrive you don't really realize it but you're unconsciously protecting yourself by denying those feelings.

Let me tell you a little story about me. When I started college this girl appeared in my life and for me it was so weird that a girl I liked actually liked me back, problem is she had a boyfriend. We started seeing each other, talking until 2 am, kissing where nobody could see us. And I felt joy, I felt loved, it was a great feeling, and whenever we have that our mind creates in your imagination a perfect world in which you're going to feel like that forever and where that situation that brought you joy is going to keep being there for a while. But then reality hit me, hard. She wouldn't leave her boyfriend because they were basically too codependent, but I kept hanging on to this fantasy in which she would leave him and come to me. Finally what happened is I gave her an ultimatum, I told her it's him or me and she didn't really say it but her actions told me it was him. That moment when I realized that was horrible, my whole fantasy was broken down. So then what happened was that I started hating her, lots. I would think of revenge, of making her life miserable, of how she had used me and wouldn't give me what I thought she owed me. I basically felt joy on thinking how her life could be miserable.

But then I discovered something. It wasn't her I was really hating, it was me. I was really hurt and I felt so much self hate that my ego would protect me and use that hate towards her. And what I couldn't realize is that I was depriving myself from great things for the future. Also, this wasn't my only bad experience with a girl, so my ego started protecting me from being that hurt again. All that lightheartedness that you need to have great social interactions, especially with women, I didn't have it and all of those past experiences were so hurtful that my ego would just protect me and that's where insted of acting bravely with fear, I always chose not to act when I was afraid, so that kind of things wouldn't happen ever again. And funny enough, for a very shy guy I had a HUGE ego, and I still do, I'm just handling it from a different perspective.

So, now that I have exemplified how your ego keeps you from getting out of your comfort zone and getting hurt, I'll give you some tips that hopefully keep you from having those same bad experiences that I had.

First, as I said earlier, acknowledge your ego as a part of you. Don't ever blame someone or something else for the way you are. Whenever you feel that you're hating on other people take a moment and listen to yourself. Really listen to you and have this in mind: "This is my ego trying to protect me, because I feel hurt". Now that you've acknowledge that identify why are you hurt and how are you feeling. Dealing with your feelings is the ONLY way in which you can stop being driven by them and instead drive them to a greater future. Let yourself feel scared, sad, angry and frustrated, so then those feelings don't stay inside your mind and eventually feed on the negative side of your experiences.

Once you learn how to manage your ego, you'll stop feeling hurt. Always be humble, never be too good for anything, never think something is not good enough for you. You can manage your ego by destroying self hate, and you destroy self hate by having self love. Doesn't matter the situation you're at, things not going as you expect them, you can always count on yourself.

To finish this post, here's a very useful advice. Imagine your experiences are apples and they're in a tree. So you grab an apple from the tree and you taste it. If it tasted good (good experiences) put it in your basket (your mind), if it tasted bad (bad experiences) get the good part (knowledge) out of it, put it in your basket and throw the rest away.
Click to expand...
Always great stuff, my man!!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top