your first relationship

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by idek what name, Jul 16, 2018.

  1. hey guys!

    I'm a 19 year old student who has never had a girlfriend before. Now while I do have some female friends and can talk to girls alright(not great though), I don't think I've ever even come close to being in a relationship. I have had crushes before in middle school and high school and also at uni but I either got rejected, they were not interested or I was the one who lost interest in the girl after getting to know her better. Now I don't think I'm bad looking and I also think my personality is alright, but I'm starting to get a little more anxious now that most of my friends either have had girlfriends or sex while I've never even kissed a girl before. This might be partially due to me not liking alcohol/going out and therefore not meeting as much girls as my friends are. To be honest I have no idea what I should do: make a tinder? go out drinking to find a girl?

    My question for you guys is how your first relationship started, so that I can maybe get some new ideas.
     
  2. My first relationship started out of knowere when a girl asked me out, it didn't last long because I was way to involved with her calling her all the time always being to avaible and taking anything she said or did way to serious.
     
    idek what name likes this.
  3. arrozaldo00

    arrozaldo00 New Fapstronaut

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    Mine was pretty weird, a childhood aquaintance asked me out and while I was apprehensive at first I slowly but surely gave in.
    She was in another country then and talking to her meant losing sleep. It didnt matter, she may have been miles away but she was the only girl who's ever shown interest in me so why not give it a shot.
    Anyway she eventually came back home and we got together for real. To keep it short, a lot of things happened and I learned a lot about everything there is to know. In the end she went back abroad and broke things off probably because she knew she'd never come back. She also blocked me on all social media
    Its been 3 years and I'm still waiting for her; doubt she'd come back and even if she would it wouldn't be for me. She was the only person to treat me so well and also so harshly at the same time.
    I've improved so much since she left and every milestone I reach makes me think "If only she could see me now" or "If only I was this strong before"

    Thanks for taking the time to read this long post.
     
  4. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    My first relationship was pathological, too. Talking about the first relationship, not my first time with a woman.

    She texted me on Facebook. Once I met her the first thing I realized was she had hundreds of scars on her arms from cutting herself as a teenager, but I handled it really well and later she said that how I managed that made her think I might be Mr. Right. When we were together, she admitted she even was a heroin addict once.

    She kissed me on our first date, we started having sex early and she would usually go for it not in the evening, but right when we met at either my or her place. Needless to say, she had some major issues, was really clingy and a drama queen. I had some, too, though. Like attracts like. I was a PA with PIED, only able to ejaculate using my goddamn hand, I was inexperienced with relationships and struggling with the meaning of life in general.

    After three months of the relationship I moved away, and after two more we broke up... fortunately. She now is a married mother and I hope she's happy, but I really don't want to have to do anything with her anymore.

    Moral of the story: Be careful with online acquaintances, especially if they make the first move.
     
    Laffio and idek what name like this.
  5. FX-05

    FX-05 Fapstronaut

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    I had my first virtual gf when I was 13, her name was Leah and she was an emo redhead (met her on a social network called my yearbook or something), she lived 900 miles away from me in Tennessee meaning that we would probably never get to know each other in person so it only took a month or two for us to break up (I couldn't get anything from her other than a few pics she sent me that I unfortunately ended up loosing over the years, this was back in 2007 or so).

    Had to wait 'til I turned 20 to get an actual gf though I had already kissed a few girls at parties and such, she was a nymph so she always wanted us to do all kind of wicked stuff (to the point that some of her fantasies didn't even involve me at all), for the last three years I kept relapsing because of constantly thinking about her twisted, insane sexual desires even though I somehow managed to have sex with three other girls ever since, now I'm looking to achieve my fifth one but all of my (girl)friends have either engaged, become single moms or don't happen to remember me so... yeah lol :'v
     
    Laffio and idek what name like this.
  6. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    If you don't like going out and drinking, I assume you don't actually want a girlfriend who does, right?
    Tinder is not about relationships, but mainly about sex, and it's just as superficial. Good luck finding a quality woman there.

    If you want to have a good girlfriend, may be look for a friend of a friend, or a woman whom you've known for a long time. These are usually a good choice I think :) - even if this video says otherwise ;)

    Be clear with your intentions and you won't come off as a creep. Once it clicks between the two of you, don't flirt or "act a certain way" for too long, but make sure to ask her out soon.
     
    Laffio and idek what name like this.
  7. Restartinglife

    Restartinglife Fapstronaut

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    My first relationship was digital but forced me to make it up to her. I eventually got so good at it I've had 50 something girlfriends and friend let me tell you now something very important.
    Its all fun in the spir of the moment but if you know the term virginity do hold it tightly you should only do that special thing with someone who is that special to you. And make sure she is a girl your ready go spend your life with.
     
    Laffio and idek what name like this.
  8. tough story man, break ups are already difficult without the extra drama. I hope you keep improving and manage to forget her as much as you can, you deserve better!
     
    arrozaldo00 likes this.
  9. you've also had it tough man, a drama queen+clingy girlfriend sounds like the worst. I hope you find or already found someone else :). Also that's a pretty good advice, though I wouldn't 100% reject an outgoing girlfriend as you can never be into the exact same things and outgoing people are often pretty social which is a thing I like in a girl. For Tinder: what you said is exactly what I heard from other people. Superficial and mostly about sex. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, but I'd prefer to have a good girlfriend like you said. There is no real female friend of mine that jumps to mind when I think of being in a relationship with one of them, but I guess I will talk to them some more and see if I change opinion, thanks anyway!
     
    Headspace likes this.
  10. thanks for the advice man! I want to have a special thing with someone too rather than just a short relationship, but you know it's hard to find something like that compared to finding something short. Regardless I will keep trying anyway and follow your advice :)
     
  11. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, I already had a relationship which was so much better (but I was still the P addict). I am dating someone at the moment.
    I suppose if you want a hook up, you want a hook up and if you want a relationship, you want a relationship. You clearly should feel attracted to your partner, but in general, it is not good to mix this up that much. There might be excpetions, of course, and people might get into stable and heatlhy relationships via Tinder, but this is not what usually happens I guess.
     
    idek what name likes this.
  12. goodnice

    goodnice Fapstronaut

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    Dawg i feel you. However don't feel bad or embarrassed that you are a virgin or haven't had a girlfriend yet. Focus on you right now, and once you do that and become your best self, the girls will come.

    DO NOT CHASE WOMEN!! Seriously, don't put them on pedestals and idolize them. Ya, it's natural to want a relationship now. I'm in the same boat as you, but right now we should put our attention on our studies or skills and nofap

    Be very careful with dating apps. I would NOT recommend tinder. Just trust me, you don't wanna get into that wormhole. It leaves you feeling very needy, depressed, and addicted. I had those dating apps for a period of time, and it made me feel sad. It's so superficial, just judging people only on their looks.

    Yes, looks are important but i mean the way i was talking to some of those girls on dating apps was just way too much and weird. Like i would never have the balls to say some of the things i said to those girls in real life. We are trying to take the easy way out through dating apps instead of meeting girls in real life.

    This is my viewpoint from my experience. Maybe, instead text a few girls that you actually know and like in real life.

    Plus, i'm sure like you said that you aren't bad looking. We need to focus on nofap first! That must be our number one priority- because through nofap, then you can become your best self, more charismatic, confident, and express the real you!

    Girls have told me my appearance is good, but i haven't got much game because i've been fapping away my problems in the past and escaping

    Good luck bro, there will be many girls that like you, just stay with nofap. It is your power, your secret.

    Just don't chase them too much. Focus on YOU!!!
     
    Laffio, Komby and idek what name like this.
  13. you're right man! the best thing to do is focus on improving myself. I gotta keep up the nofap streak and I also want to learn to play guitar. I'll focus on those two things+fitness and running for the holidays and add studying to the list things to focus on when uni starts again :) thanks for writing this advice!
     
    goodnice likes this.
  14. Bin Rakan

    Bin Rakan Fapstronaut

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    That's why I don't like marry weak women
     

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