You're lonely, because you want to.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Verhart, Nov 11, 2015.

  1. Verhart

    Verhart Fapstronaut

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    Hey, what the heck?
    Seriously? I'm gonna make it easy, because it really is - you have only 2 choices.

    1. Be lonely, which is completly your fault
    2. Do something about it

    If you prefer to sit on your ass complaining about how unfair life is, you may as well quit reading. On the other hand, if you want to change your situation I have a handful of tips for you.

    First of all, being lonely is not the same as being alone. Being lonely is a state of mind. And let me remind you that ultimately you are the master of your mind. Of course there are a lot of things which may influence your thinking, such as as head ache, bad weather or other people's words. But in the end they don't matter. What matters is your perception of those things. Think: Is an insult really an insult, if you don't give a damn about it?

    The most important step to being happy in life is acknowleding the sentence:

    'I'm not important at all. And I'm content about it.'

    The world owns you nothing. It doesn't own you any friends, money, cars or even food. You're not a special snowflake, a beautiful individual, a very important person. The fate of world is not lying on your shoulders and let's face it - if it was, we all would be fucked. You need to get out of your ass and look from a bigger perspective. Do you really think that in the world THIS big, you mean something?

    You don't. Neither do I, my dog or my family. And it's good. Seriously, the world tries to make you think that you matter a lot, that you're very important. The truth is, the world doesn't need you. You could enter a bar wearing a suit of white and propose to the first girl you see. Guess what? World will go on and you will have one more funny story to tell.

    'Confidence comes with knowing that you don't matter that much and that other people really don't either, women included. So if it's not that big of a deal, what do you have to lose?

    Nothing.

    There are no rules for life other than eat, sleep, breathe, and survive. The rest is completely made up. Clothes? Optional. Words? Optional. Bathing? Optional. Dating? Made up. Relationship standards? Fiction. Breeding? Unnecessary.

    You could wake up tomorrow and pretend you're an African prince who has to drive backwards to work or else the mafia will come and steal your asshole. And that would make only marginally less sense than people driving to the same workplace every day to get money to pay for a piece of the planet they were born on which can be taken away by a group of people in a big building with giant metal rooms full of green paper.

    So you don't matter that much and life is ridiculous. You couldn't possibly make life any more ridiculous than it already is. So don't go around acting like every little action matters.

    The common perception is shy people have small egos, but it's really the opposite. Shy people are so concerned with their "image" they present to others, that they act "shy" because of a fear of judgement. It's sad really, because shy people are literally policing themselves on what they can or can't do, based on a made up perception of what others are thinking.'

    Stop overthinking and start living.

     
  2. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    Sounds good. what do you do to prevent loneliness?
     
  3. wally_s

    wally_s Fapstronaut

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    @Verhart Thanks for the post. Good stuff!
     
  4. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    What if someone kills you? If you say something not nice to a guy he will punch you and you will die. If you propose to a girl, her boyfriend will punch you and you will die. If you say something nice, they might ignore you for some time, but they will be ready to punch you anytime and when they get drunk they will punch you and you will die.
     
    Matrix Intel likes this.
  5. HopeFaith

    HopeFaith Fapstronaut

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    Yes, It is hard. I am not even sitting on my ass but lying down the whole day. The weather is crap and I just stay in 4 walls. I have 0 motivation to do anything now.
     
  6. Verhart

    Verhart Fapstronaut

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    It's really sad to see that you live in such a closed world, while in fact it is limitless.

    The best what you can do is not to stay at home all the time. You should push yourself to do some activities which require social interaction. They can be really simple at first - maybe just chat for a while with the cashier, he needs to be kind anyways. Later you can start doing it with random people, just plain 'How's your day?' with a genuine smile.
    Also find a hobby, preferably one which allows you to connect with other people or be a part of a team. This last thing is especially valuable - feeling that you're counted on and that your buddies need you in some way. So sports like football etc. I've taken up boxing recently, after a long time of hesitation and it's going great. I've met a lot of fun people and also my confidence is growing, which naturally makes it easier to be more sociable. Last thing - don't think about it. Just do it!
     
    WarriorScarr and HopeFaith like this.
  7. nfprogress

    nfprogress Fapstronaut

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    Reprogram the video game. You have yourself stuck in a loop that isn't ending. Be like Kirk from Star Trek and reprogram the simulation where the outcome suits your penchants.
     
    HopeFaith likes this.
  8. Phyzik

    Phyzik Fapstronaut

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    True! Shy people are the ones with the biggest egos. I 100% agree with you!
     
    zero01 likes this.
  9. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    No. You will live, get older, sick and die. But you won't have to die with those punching people.
     
  10. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    People are stupid violent animals. I think, that for people with brain, it is better to live on the internet, because you can find inteliigent people and easily ignore those who you want to ignore. On the internet there are a few people that have things to say. But most people just tell phrases, insults and violent threats.
     
  11. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    Why not live in a way that lessens the statistical probability of earlier death?
     
  12. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    If the girl punches you, you will not die, but you will be handicapped :D
     
    zero01 likes this.
  13. Verhart

    Verhart Fapstronaut

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    Do you? I always say that you can't achieve greatness without seeing how it is on the bottom. Think about it, if you were just ok in school and life would be just fine, why would you like to change at all? While WE, We who have experienced how cruel life can be and how it is to be at the bottom of the social hierarchy - we have all means to change, because there is a fire within us. You must trust me now, but after 2 or 3 years of your journey you will look back on people who looked down on you and you will realise that they no longer have any power over you.
     
  14. AVRA

    AVRA Fapstronaut

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    To much extent I agree with you . To corroborate much of what u said , I feel myself a living proof of what you implied .
    We censor ourselves to such an extent that we become completely recluse and secluded , always trying to maintain an inconspicuous position within the society . So afraid of being judged or being stereotyped that we cease to communicate altogether . We start looking at the whole world through our lenses and feel as if everyone perceives things the same way as we do . Ironically we stereotype the entire universe .
     
  15. Andrew0268

    Andrew0268 Fapstronaut

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    I don't agree. It's not always 100% your fault. It is your responsibility to keep searching, but if you don't gel with people it's not necessarily your fault as long as you are a reasonablly normal person. Sometimes you just don't fit into certain environments.

    Don't get too caught up in the "your fault" mindset because it causes more problems than it solves.

    A subtle shift of words but a profound change of view.
     
    ICleansedMe likes this.
  16. Slylen

    Slylen Fapstronaut

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    Bravo! It was definitely on the head but a poignant post to be sure! Our perspectives are what we view the world through so it makes sense that "loneliness" is one of those lenses.

    Thank you for the kick in the pants!

    Stay Strong,

    -Slylen
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2015
    Verhart likes this.
  17. Verhart

    Verhart Fapstronaut

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    Exactly! Sometimes your spectacles get dirty and you need to clean them to see the proper colors, instead of that blurred and shady image.

    When I was feeling sad and lonely this weekend I've started watching HIMYM as I'd always do, but after a few episodes I've realised that I was lying to myself. I got up and contacted a friend whom I haven't seen for months and we went out. Today I went with my neighbor to shop for a gift for his gf and later I'm seeing my mum to watch a movie. Guys, nobody knows you're lonely if you're sitting at home. Put a smile on and go out to conquer the world!
     
    ICleansedMe and Slylen like this.
  18. doctor_warren

    doctor_warren Fapstronaut

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    What a fuckin brilliant article verhart, I'd suggest you submit it nofap.emergency.

    Like, this is exactly what I needed. Like holy shit.
     
  19. OSU32

    OSU32 Guest

    Good insight, BUT no clear direction on how to accomplish. It's like the old 'rags to riches' tale, IF I JUST BELIEVE IT , IT WILL HAPPEN! Nope. Takes work, planning, guidance, falling, falling again, and continuous direction. Just telling somebody, ' just get out of your head - just choose not to be lonely', is like saying step over to the stove and whip yourself up a pot of confidence! LOL OK, Why didn't I think of that. Again, being aware that I can do something about my shit is a good start, BUT awareness by itself means nil. Takes action, guidance and continuous falling, before you get the insight that is required to overcome hurtle
     
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