You're Watching Another Dude Have Sex Instead Of You

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by TheHealer, Apr 16, 2019.

  1. TheHealer

    TheHealer Fapstronaut

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    Somebody made a comment on how watching porn is watching another dude have sex with the girl you find attractive: and getting aroused by it.

    I mean honestly. How pathetic is that? I feel ashamed of myself for getting aroused by something like that and it's the most beta thing I have ever heard of.

    Really take a moment to think about it. Some other guy is having sex with the girl you find attractive and instead of turning the porn off and preserving your dignity you keep watching, and god forbid, enjoy it.

    Honestly, just thinking about it makes me angry. Angry because how pathetic that is and even more angry at myself because I've let myself be that pathetic so many times in my life.

    I mean what if that transfers to real life? Would you let another guy bang your girl, and get aroused by it? NO. WAY. And it's time we see porn for what it really is and how weak that shit makes us!

    Enough of that disgusting medium that makes us pathetic beings. Stand TALL and STRONG boys and girl, and PRESERVE YOUR DIGNITY. Don't let shit like that control you.

    Peace.
     
  2. Ronila

    Ronila Fapstronaut

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    That is very convoluted angle to take on life. To see why apply it to anything else -

    Watching movies is looking at other people have avantures and not you
    Looking at art is seeing how other people make good things but not you

    This view is in a dead end, its an attempt to find extra meaning where there is not extra meaning. And watching porn is not watching someone else, we humans have the ability to connect with what we see others do and experience what they experience, feel what they feel.
    Think of someone going on stage and making a fool of himself, you can feel what he feels, you are not on the stage but somehow you are in his shoes, you feel the anxiety, you feel the ensnarement, you feel bad. And you want to be made to feel good, intrigue or or to be inspired.

    So no you are wrong, people watch what others do because they can emotionally relate and feel part of the experience.

    When you see someone fall in a painful way - you cringe from the imaginary pain. =) tell me that is not living what they just experienced.
     
    Renan_Finn likes this.
  3. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    @Ronila I think you made his point. we watch movies that allow us to imagine or project ourselves in a new environment because we place ourselves there vicariously. We look at art and immediately critique the essence of it to find it's impressive quality. We listen to music and evaluate the changes in key, chord, structure, rhythm are either impressive or dull and we know we can do better, or worse. It's a sad state of affairs the narcissism that this reveals, but it IS true that looking at porn is supposed to be a vicarious way of having sex.

    Only POI/gonzo is designed to simulate that you (the viewer) are the active person, since in this genre you never see the face of penis. It's meant to be you. Everything else, the cameraman is simply watching, from a third party's point of view. And the healer is correct, most people would not let themselves be cucked as they are by default when they are watching porn. Or the way we are in a strip club where we watch the lady fondle others as we await our turn. That's not personal, and not intimate--these are his points, and I hadn't thought of it that way but it's my opinion that indeed he makes a powerful point.
     
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  4. TheHealer

    TheHealer Fapstronaut

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    Maybe we have different ways of looking at movies and art (which fine, evryones entitled to their opinion). Movies for me is art as well, and the purpose of art for me is ab examination and exploration of themes, filosofies etc.

    Porn is not a examiantion of something. Porn is a form of drug, and the reality of it's form is what disgusts me.
     
  5. HugoBoss

    HugoBoss Fapstronaut

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    You're talking like it's so easy to get laid..
    And, even if it was easy, people would still continue watching porn
    why? because there are things that you just can't do in real life, even not with your wife or girlfriend.
    That's why it's labeled under "adult entertainment".
    And more than that, I can tell you that there are even couples who watch porn together in order to spice up their sex life a little-bit.
     
  6. TheHealer

    TheHealer Fapstronaut

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    I wasn't talking about the difficulties of getting laid, I was talking about how porn is damaging to us and why.
     
  7. HugoBoss

    HugoBoss Fapstronaut

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  8. Ronila

    Ronila Fapstronaut

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    His point is that watching other people have sex is very low because you cant have it, hence - you are beta or someone who gets the scraps. He clearly positioned watching porn as something that people do because they are worthless and do not see it, and therefor being engaged by porn is bad.

    I explained that mechanisms at work there are different, and these mechanisms are same when we are watching any move, reading a book or watching porn. We get engaged, we develop sense of what is taking place and get emotionally invested and we feel. There is nothing inherently bad with that, and trying to blame yourself for getting emotionally invested in to and enjoying watching porn is no different than blaming yourself for getting invested in to watching any movie, its a dead end. You are a human you will always get invested, some more than others. Just choose what you get invested in to.
     
    andi1987 likes this.
  9. TheHealer

    TheHealer Fapstronaut

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    Say the message of a movie is that murder is good, then yes I would blame myself if I was invested emotinaly to enjoy it.

    Same thing with porn. It's bad, and one if the many reasons is the one I mentioned, and so I do blame myself for enjoying something like that, and I'm glad I do. Becasue now I'm on a better path: away from the damaging porn.
     
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  10. TheHealer

    TheHealer Fapstronaut

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    I don't think using porn as a couple thing is good either. Two people should be able to enyoj themselves and amongst themslevs without having to watch unnatural presentations of sex or watching other people do it.
     
  11. NamaClature14

    NamaClature14 Fapstronaut

    Your reasoning is sound but it doesn't detract from the essence of the matter which we choose to invest in, which in turn creates our personal understanding as to whether it's worthy or appalling. Sitting behind a screen and making yourself orgasm with your hand while you watch another man have sex with a woman you find attractive, to me, qualifies as digital cuckolding and is quite pathetic. There is deeper meaning here because we, the one experiencing, determine it so. The moral relativism may stand but it doesn't detract from the base of what something is.. Yes we have a propensity to connect emotionally and invest ourselves in the things we consume but we absolutely should critique the entertainment we allow to interact with our psyche.
    And watching porn is absolutely you watching another have sex with someone you wish you could. That is pure and simple what it is. So intrinsically when we see a medium that does no real good in our lives, pollutes the mind with perversions, is embedded in human trafficking and abuse of various kinds, disconnects us from loved ones, destroys marriages, is highly addictive, etc. etc. but gives us a temporary minor pleasure of being able to jack off to it; it's clear to see we establish a deeper meaning and there absolutely is one, because this in turn effects how we think, how we use our time and therefore is actively influencing our lives- therefore the lives of others. These things hold tangible realities and influences in our world. The same could be said for certain movies, or music etc. But here we are talking about porn. The OP was never arguing people don't engross themselves, that was never the original statement.
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2019
    TheHealer and need4realchg like this.
  12. Ronila

    Ronila Fapstronaut

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    I think this discussion got washed out and is without clear direction, so I will distill this a bit. Original poster in this topic is critical of people and their morality, you are pathetic, you are beta, you are nothing because you watched other people having sex which is pathetic.
    This is common lapse in judgement, which I pointed out because content could be presented as bad but tagging people as pathetic beta nothings is blaming people, an attempt to impart guilt and erode self esteem. It is no different than saying all smokers are losers.
    Smoking is bad for the user and people around him/her but that does not make person who smokes a pathetic nothing, because "fill in your reason why smoking is sign you are nothing"

    Pornography is entertainment, and consuming it carries physical and emotional side effects, but people who consume it are not pathetic and they are not losers, they are human beings like you and me.
     
  13. TheHealer

    TheHealer Fapstronaut

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    You misunderstand my message Ronila, my intention was never to blame people becasue I have no self-esteem, the opposite: I'm trying to make people realize the truth because I care about you. I'm not saying you as a person is pathetic, I'm saying the act is pathetic, and I was very determined to be honest of doing the same misstake so the post was not seen as a judgment of how bad you are. No.

    Watching porn is honestly pathetic, and I am guilty of it myself, but that does not make the person watching pathetic in essence. If we were fundamentally pathetic then we wouldn't be able to change for the better and the point of NoFap would be lost.

    And so I say again: this post is not meant hate on people with addiction (I am one of them). It's to make everyone realize what pron is and the negative effect it has on us, and hopefully make us stronger in the battle of porn.
     
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