About time for this. I've been putting this off for a while until I watched this show called True Detective, not the wisest thing to watch at 15 or arguably any age. Usually I check the show's content beforehand but it would seem that I slipped up on the wrong one. Anyhow, needless to say the show disturbed me and showed how twisted some people can be. With the help of God I have recovered from it quite quickly, though this show was a grave reminder that I have to stop watching mature content, whether that be in the form of disturbing things or porn. I've had 7 day periods without it, but nothing serious. The addiction came about from quite a young age when I was given art books by my parents. These books were really a good initiative on their part and I am not blaming them. However, the books did have quite a few painted nudes which I believe to be the groundwork of the issue. Those books did bring about a curiosity to search up hot pics, luckily I did not come across any nudes or videos, worst that happened was lingerie. Fortunately that soon passed and I was able to live a great childhood. It started again at about 13, how I do not recall, but these things have a way of creeping into lives through the internet. At first it was just like the first time, looking at imagery except with nudes. It went further downhill when I discovered the act of M. From there it went to images to GIFs to videos, and then a mix of all of them. During this time I have exercised consistently, eaten healthily, cold showers and wrote in a journal, but the issue prevails. I am slightly informed on the effects of the addiction though I could probably find out more. I've noted down trigger areas, which, surprise surprise, is the internet. Just looking to live my best possible life and enjoy the rest of my childhood. I plan to do NoFap for 110 days until my birthday on the 28th of August, when, 3 days prior, I will have flown overseas to unite with my brother to celebrate our birthday (same day 5 years apart). It would be pretty amazing to open up to him about my experience then. I have one friend who I've told for accountability, perhaps parents will be told well after I've recovered. In terms of NoFap mode, I might as well do Hard Mode (since the only challenge is wet dreams, not in risk of sexual intercourse), with some of the dopamine detox elements in monk mode, note I won't count these as relapses unless stated: no social media (don't use social media other than this regardless), no mature television shows (RELAPSABLE) [(considering that's what disturbed me), movies are still allowed)], no unnecessary screen time (I won't consider this a relapse, but if I can do this I would be very proud), Monday - Friday working out (unless events get in the way), and regular journaling, prayer, and Bible. I would highly appreciate all of your support in this time, feel free to ask questions, give me material to read, activities to do, tell me how often to send updates, and anything else that I am missing. I am interested in having an accountability partner/s, let me know whether I should get Reddit to post there as well. Thanks!
Day 2: Went smoothly, highlights were work on a project in the morning, played outside with my brother in the afternoon, and a boardgame in the evening with the family! Felt a little desire in the evening but that didn't get anywhere, just sat down for too long. Played video games a little too much, only reason I'm playing them is recovery from the show, normally don't play much at all. I like to think recovery from the show goes hand in hand with this, seeing as it prompted me to actually start this. Just at a precarious stage with the show where I'm not thinking about it but I feel like I could at any moment. Luckily it is not the same with the PMO. I have developed a few questions for church which should help. Tomorrow is Sunday, so it should go well with church and Mothers' Day, though the real challenge with both the show's content lingering and PMO is during the week. As I am homeschooled I have a lot of me time, and I've realized that's a problem. While I try to find more social interactions I will also need to learn how to be alone responsibly. Overall a great second day!
Day 3 went well! Celebrated Mothers' Day with the family in the form of homemade buffet breakfast in the morning, followed by a nature walk! The nature walk kind of left me with my own thoughts which wasn't helpful, although I had a period where I just tuned into nature. Tried to see the Aurora lights again but to no avail, don't know what everyone is seeing. Let me know whether my first post is confusing, getting no responses so I feel like I could write it better. Thanks!
Many TV programs contain nudity or explicit content. Unfortunately, we live in a world where people don't really know how to make good movies or series anymore without putting nudity, violence or decadence in them. The interest or desire for nudity and beautiful women is not bad in itself, what we do with those desires can have bad consequences if we don't decide the right thing. You probably also stumbled further into porn and masturbation because of the influence and words of your classmates. At least that was the case with me. Usually, in the case of porn addiction, it doesn't just stop at pictures and tends to become more and more extreme and extreme, also in terms of quantity. That's why we have to stop this addiction as soon as possible, which is NOW! If internet in general is a danger for you, you can try installing filters, go outside more, limit social media, decide to only go on PC or computer near others or even move these devices to the living room instead of leaving them in your room. I wish you the best of luck. All of the NoFap community is at your service and are keeping its fingers crossed for you! You can do this and I believe you will make it to those 110 days! PS: No worries, your first post is clear and detailed enough.
Day 4: Thanks for the words Montfort! I 100% agree with you. It wasn't classmates that influenced me, in my case it was a lack of them. As I homeschool (which has been very beneficial), the only downside was loneliness. I actually kind of liked it until now, when I've realized the bad habits that grew out of too much alone time. Today's been pretty tough, had a trigger point on FB Marketplace of all places but the panic button proved useful. Installed an adblocker for FB, though I fear that I will need more blockers in the future. I've always felt that blocking the porn doesn't really solve the issue though. Honestly I just spend way too much time working at my desk, sometimes with textbooks other times with the laptop. I like to think that I go outside more than average, though the average is shockingly low so I should improve that as well. Appreciating God's nature is really important, I was developing this until the crash of two weeks ago. I also don't have social media which helps, though if you all think I should get Reddit to post on that NoFap subreddit let me know. I also did my regular workout which was great. Anyhow, off to bed now. Can't wait for another PMO free day!
I like your positivity! And look at your streak, you're doing great! Blockers can help, indeed. But it might be good to limit online time in general. I don't think reddit is a great idea. It will just be a bigger distraction and an extra social media platform that keeps you glued to your computer. Do you have a garden (makes going outside easier)? Siblings to play with or nice neighbours (for the distraction and social interactions)? Rooting for you!
Belated Day 5: Sorry for no update yesterday, it got quite late. Yesterday was pretty tough at one point though I got out of it just fine! Yeah I go outside a good deal, yesterday I planted two pine trees in the park with my brother. I definitely interact with him a lot though I feel that I need more interaction with others outside my family. Starting to get back into my hobbies after two weeks which is nice! The PMO ordeal is often getting into the back of my mind but with time that should go away.
Day 6: Going well but really tough at the same time! I honestly feel like I've relapsed but at the same time I haven't done anything physical to break the streak. It's just that my brain is still wired to constantly have that expectation of a reward throughout the day. Met some friends which was awesome, time flew by kind of quickly with that.
Day 7: This one was really rocky. In terms of NoFap the highlight was an O upon accidentally scrolling past a hot pic, came out of nowhere with zero M prior. Not sure whether to count that as a reset or not. Otherwise, went on a walk and late night shopping. Going to the city for the whole of tomorrow so should be good. Need tips on how to fight urges. Thanks!
Did your parents discuss with you sex, porn, relationships? the absence of conversation can lead us to searching for context and p tries to fill those blanks in. That can lead down to a spiral.
They've discussed it a reasonable deal, probably could talk about it a little more, though anything that lacked there was made up through my interactions with other mature people on the topic. I never really searched for it explicitly, it was just a really unfortunate series of events that eventually led to it. It started with exposure to the paintings of history mixed with internet exposure later on. I wouldn't say I wasn't educated on it. I've never considered it too much of a problem as I often went for a day or two without doing it, until now. Haven't felt such desires throughout my whole time as a mild addict until I started trying to end it for good.
Sounds like there may be possibility or at least an easier road to invite your parents into your recovery journey. My mom was silent on the issue and was always avert your eyes. So I never felt she would be open to me as a helper. If you wanted to lob up some questions to get the ball rolling, you could ask questions about how they met, what rules did their parents give them, what boundaries were the hardest to follow. Idk, new ground for me.
Ah my mum would definitely help. Just that I'm not sure whether I'd want to go through that painful process. Honestly it's 0% their fault and I don't want to disappoint them. They've told me things about how they met, neither of them had many rules from the parents though rules definitely don't lack in my case. I just remembered how this started. I was at a kids camp in Grade 5, and in the cabin where I was staying one of the kids made a joke about having sex with your bed. I didn't think of it at the time, though two years later I remembered that and tried it out. From a young age I fantasized about marriage, but nothing indecent, so that's why I tried it out. Anyways, eventually I had an O randomly without even knowing about it. So I essentially found out about masturbation without even knowing about it. From there it went to P. Like I said, lots of unfortunate events.
I told my parents about my addiction a week ago, and to be honest when I did I didn’t feel uncomfortable, I felt free. I’ve been an addict since I was 13, so for at least 6 years until I moved out I was primarily keeping it hidden from them. I didn’t know what I’d be met with, but I was met with love. My advice; if and when you tell them, ask for something from them to help. For me, I needed a small amount of money to start therapy, and they were more than happy to support me. My Mum has since worried that she didn’t do enough to protect me, but I too reminded her it was 0% her fault and I’m grateful for everything she’s doing. I now check in with them every week or so, and it’s brilliant.
Thanks for your reply kaerhal! Appreciate your words and advice. Pretty late here so I'll have a proper response tomorrow. Will also take a look at that LotR challenge you're in, I like the sound of it!
I'm old enough to be your father. Forget about disappointing your parents. Forget about any shame you may feel. You need to tell your parents. They will want to help you. If I was your father, I would want to help you. Your priority at this point: GET FREE OF THIS ADDICTION, and use every help that is available to you. Your parents are a primary help to you. Otherwise, 30 years later you may still be addicted, as I am. There is much less shame for asking now than 30 years from now. Let your parents help you. There is no shame in that. I would want my son to tell me. Also, if you need more friends, or more social opportunities, tell your parents. Tell them, "I really appreciate the sacrifice you've given to homeschool me, I know I'm really benefiting from it. But if there's any way I can have more social opportunities, I'd really appreciate it." Tell them. They will want to provide for your good. Thinks of ways you may want to see this happen, with folks at church, or with sports, or music, or a hobby you're interested in starting. Connect with real people. That will be a valuable help in bringing an end to this addiction.
I have no problem connecting to others on the issue, parents is just a pretty tough one. It's definitely looking more possible but not yet. Also I reckon I'm going to reset. I don't feel like I've been going about this the right way and I need to have a different approach to it
Why is now not a good time to tell your parents? What do you think your different approach is going to look like?
Things are extremely busy at the moment, my brother and father are flying overseas in less than a months' time. Brother will be staying there until February and father for a month. Don't know how I'll be without my brother for that long honestly. Though we'll also be going over in August to see him. Different approach will honestly be being more informed and going into it with a proper plan. Want to unearth any possible deeper causes as well.
Got it. If you want to unearth the deeper causes, I recommend checking out the podcast link I sent to you. I really wish I had a resource like that, and the wisdom I've acquired since listening to it, when I was your age. Porn addiction is a symptom of deeper issues. It takes a lot of work to figure out what those deeper causes are.
