Coming too soon

A better way of solving the premature ejaculation problem without the risk of returning to PMO as a habit (MO is pretty close...) is to ask your wife to use her hand or mouth on you first, getting your first 'quick' orgasm out of the way, so that you can regain hardness while doing something for her, then be less sensitive and likely to finish too quickly if you then get involved again in penetrative sex or mutual stimulation of each other. Maybe a HJ or BJ earlier in the day before sex together later if you have a longer refactory period. For me, MO alone led to similar thought patterns as P use. Things like resenting the lack of my partner's involvement, thinking that if she isn't involved it may as well be other women's bodies that I use as stimulation, sadness and loneliness, guilt over getting excited about other women etc. Your partner may well be happy to do more for you, since she already said she is okay with your premature ejaculation if you still get her off too. If you can do that whilst also excited and involved then this is perhaps an improvement for you both?

 

I have been experiencing this exact same problem for the past several months and I'm well beyond 2 years into my recovery from PMO. I am just as confused and lost as you are now. There is some truth to the fact that a lot of this is probably from going 5-7 days without ejaculating and being very sensitive when sex occurs. But, I didn't have this PE problem during the first year to year and a half of my recovery. This problem has started recently, leading me to think it's mostly mental. It happened a couple times after a very long stretch without sex with my wife, then it got in my head and lead to anxiety which became an even bigger problem. So it's snowballed out of control. I feel just as lost and confused as you do about this and I don't have a solution other than having sex or BJ/HJ more regularly to keep the sensitivity down. I got some 'prolonged pleasure' condoms which have a numbing agent to them today that I'm going to try out too. I'm pretty confident that once I stop the anxiety associated with this, the problem will go away. Let me know what works for you. But, don't risk relapse by resuming MO. You've worked too hard on your recovery to allow slip ups to happen. Not many can do MO without fantasizing inappropriately. It's a slippery slope that I'm not willing to slide on. Keep fighting

 

There are a couple practical things you can try, both of which have helped me:

1) Learn to control the muscles in your pelvic floor ... the ones you squeeze if you're doing a 'kegel'. If I'm constantly squeezing that muscle over and over, it amps up the sensations very quickly and brings me to the point of no return. But if I can just breathe and consciously relax that muscle, I can last quite a bit longer. It takes some practice, though.

2) This is sort of a cheat ... but on rare occasions I'll use alcohol to take the edge off. Alcohol slows the brain/body connection. If you have one or two drinks within an hour of intercourse, you'll probably notice that you can last a lot longer. Be careful with this, though--there's a threshold. Too many drinks, and you won't be able to get an erection at all. Just make sure you're smart about this method--you don't want to get into the habit of depending on alcohol to enjoy good sex (or depending on it for anything, for that matter). If you already struggle with PMO addiction, you definitely don't want to add alcoholism to it.

 

Cool, no problem. Just my two cents, but I don't think the benefit of kegel exercises is necessarily in strengthening that muscle ... I think it's more just getting yourself into the practice of consciously controlling that muscle, so it's not just involuntarily tensing up on you in bed and making you O.

I totally respect that. In that case, don't make it an intentional thing ... but the next time you and your wife are having a couple drinks on a Friday or Saturday night, make a move on her and see for yourself. I discovered this by accident when I realized that whenever I had a marathon night, it was always had the support of some wine or cocktails.

 

Do reverse kegels, thank me later

 

I learned a bunch of tantra breathing and stretching exercises to last longer.. I will even stop in the middel of sex get out of the bed and do some quick breathing exercises really fast to channel the energy up, then continue with the girl.. Also what makes a man last longer is if there is a true heart connection between your partner. The basic idea is that the built up sexual energy needs a place to go. So if you can keep your eyes open and look her in the eye, and hold hands palm to palm and be heart to heart, the sexual energe can be shared and transmited through the eyes, palms, and heart, and thus not just out your penis.. And say outloud I love I love you I love you, i open my heart to you completly and I accept your love completly into my heart.
Tantra is based on Sexual Alcamy. Turning lead into Gold. When the sexual energy is combined with the heart loving energy it transmutes up and is shared between you and your partner. Now if you add some prayer to this and invite the Divine into it you have a 3rd energy that takes you both even higher with an alcamic coctail that will take you over the moon into heaven. There are a bunch of books and websites on tantra and sexual alcamy. Check them out.

 

I wondered the same thing in the beginning of this year, as after 20 years of this crap my sexual function became all screwed up as well. I did a 90 day reboot and things improved gradually. If I go a couple weeks between sex with my wife, I’ll still have some PE issues. But nothing like before. And as far as doing it two days in a row, I have no longevity issues at all. Things just continue to get better gradually, so don’t give up.