Back to work… which I am actually a little thankful for at the moment- it will help me keep my mind occupied. I may have made a mistake last night. It has been one week since I PMO’d, but it has also been a week since my fiancé and I have been intimate. And that simply has never happened. When we first moved in together, I think we could count on two hands the number of days we didn’t have sex in that first year. It was a daily occurrence with very few exceptions. During that year, PMO was gone from my life…. As our sex became less frequent, PMO reared its ugly head. But even when I was using PMO, we were still having sex three maybe 4 times a week. Anyway, I know this past week has been frustrating for both of us in that regard- not just me. So last night, I went down on my fiancé. My logic was that there is no reason for her to have to trudge through this like a Catholic nun. I enjoyed it tremendously. Knowing that we were not going to have sex allowed me to focus completely on her. My only worry now is that as we are rekindling our relationship, abstaining is going to become more difficult… not from PMO- but from my fiancé. My desire for her is back at fever pitch. What are everyone’s thoughts on non reciprocal pleasuring when trying to reboot?
I fully support celebrating this new-found desire for her with plenty of closeness and intimacy, as long as it is not bringing you closer to relapsing with PM. As long as she is comfortable with the level to which you want to be intimate with her and pleasure her.... I see absolutely no problem. I got a little paranoid when my fiance would want to have sex because I thought he was replacing PMO with me in a bad way. (He wasn't.) If it's in a good way.... I say go for it!
My personal opinion is that sex with someone you care about during reboot helps to rewire the brain to her (as long as you don't fantasize about others). My husband and I practiced Karezza at the beginning of his reboot (slow sex with no O for him). It helped with connection tremendously (he said it was magical) and helped us both to relax and it took pressure off of him.
That’s exactly what we ( 1st 2 weeks nothing though , next 2 , just what you said , then 120 of no sex but O together . I needed it , The closeness , physical part ..
Thanks for your feedback. I have looked into karezza- definitely something to consider! I definitely feel like our connection now is better than it has been in a long time- I just don’t wan to do anything that could cause a setback. But I think you’re right- so long as you’re reinforcing the right behaviors, I think it could be beneficial.
My husband and took a step back on sex during reboot, when we did it was focused on the connection and intimacy with each other. In line with what @Sadgirl said.
Hi Sadgirl, This is a used case I can relate to, I fantasise someone else when I am with my partner, I don't want to do that at all but I am not reaching an orgasm without doing it. I want to be faithful and happy with my wife, who I love very much, we are married but did not have sex till now, its been close to 5 years (Its true). Please help me
Hi @Madkod ! I am really so glad that you are here and reaching out for support. Does your wife know about your issue?
Sex actually helped my husband's reboot. He gave up PM but sex between the two of us was never off limits.
Can I just say that I don't think orgasm is essential to the addiction. My husband frequently just watched his fetish without masturbating or any touching. Just watching it was often release enough. @OP -My husband and I had lots of sex early in his reboot (no O for him for a few weeks though). His PIED disappeared for the first time in years. I think he have to find what works for you. Everyone is different in their triggers and reboot, what works for one might not work for another. As long as you are comfortable with it then go for it!
She just knows about the porn addiction and she knows I am fighting it too. Is there somewhere I can private message? Really want someone to listen and suggest.