Why this challenge is so difficult?why the first days are so fukin impossible?why all this im fukin tired to lose my controll im fukin fukin tired
Because you want the benefits of Nofap while still having PMO - decide which one you want, a life of sexual purity and the benefits of such a life or one where you are wallowing around in the mire like a pig.
I think you are doing good brother, the fact that you want a transformation for yourself is a good beginning , tomorrow is a new day a new oportunidad, you can do it.
It's a choice - you may hate what it's costing you but you still want PMO. Examine yourself, deep down you still long for it. Get to the place where you despise it with all your heart and make a firm decision that you don't want any part of it ever again. Ask God for forgiveness. Then begin your reboot. The reboot will weaken the desire you have built up. It's good that you are disgusted - but your disgust must go further. You must put the part of you that longs for PMO to death.
It also sounds like you have a belief that tells you that it's not possible for you to quit. This is a limiting belief you need to remove.
Right now am in day 3 of no pmo.... I feel relaxed and good... but today morning I have an urged to fap but I didn't pay attention to it...