PMO has lowered my expectations about life. So everytime I go three days, I am able to experience the wind on my skin, everything is calm and not frantic or scary. When I get this benefits, it feels like they are enough to make my life better. What I forget is the only way to keep feeling better is by staying away from PMO. But I always relapse and the go back to the filthy, nauseating life of pmo. Same goes for 7 day streaks. Now I have learnt that it only gets better the more I resist urges and the longer I fight through. It gets tough somewhere along the way obviously, but it's better knowing that it's me fighting external forces, rather than causing the problem by my own damn self
You keep relapsing because you fall into lust, one of the deadly sins. Lust makes you chase degeneracy, I would know because besides pmo I've had sex with even women I would seem ugly and unappetizing if I had used a rational thought process. By retaining your seed you become a man of high value, you appreciate and love yourself and people will see that unconsciously. The big parentheses here is that you will suffer quite a bit to succeed. Your body and demons will fight you in order to drain you again. The battle is internal, either you want freedom or to live in chains as a mediocre man.
Yes, it is an internal battle and when we are weakened we hide in plain site with our shame, and can't express ourselves like we normally could. It is a hard battle for sure but you are surrounded by fighters who want the same relief and freedom. And that can give you strength to keep on going despite those inner demons.